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- 30-March 08
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- Any song with good melody and lyrics is going to catch my ear
Posts I've Made
Posted 26 May 2015Btw, since you use "on the STRAND" to end your chorus on, ya might wanna reconsider the "Hair-STRANDS glisten" line in the opening line of V3. I also keep finding myself curious as to why you used "Our bodies RISE in SYMPATHY" at the end of V2. I dunno if anyone else would get that, either, honestly. Good stuff though, overall.
Thanks again Mark - have changed "Hair strands" to Hair curls" to avoid the over-use of the "strand" sound.
Re-garding "our bodies rise in sympathy" line - you might want to take a look at the previous line and then let your imagination take you down which ever route it does - either innocent or not; it's meant to have an open meaning to let the listener's imagination go where they want with it
Posted 25 May 2015Hey Neal - what are you singing accompanying your self with just the bass or are there others on stage with you?
Mark - I've got a Fender 'Jazz' bass which I've been pretty satisfied with. I use it mainly for recording. One thing about the electric bass for performing with is their weight and that's an occupational hazard for bass players I've really come to appreciate - they weigh a 'tone'! Well, it seems like it to wimpy me anyway. The weight is needed to act as a solid platform for the low frequency bass note strings and it really makes my back ache standing up with it on stage for any length of time /
Posted 25 May 2015MikeB - great catch and you are dead right; thanks! - "still haunting" is not quite right and I never noticed. There is a very simple fix which lines up perfectly with the "shell phone call" ideas in V3:
"Silky white sands of Siesta Key - keep calling me"
Mark - thanks for the kind words. Yep, I'm definitely after 'intimate' here!! - I'll have a think on this, maybe get rid of the high backing vox on V2 and V4 to get greater contrast between the verse/chorus boundaries.
I've never been to Siesta Key myself but when I was researching well know beach names on google, I thought it had great possibilities for play on words in a song. Cheers!
Posted 25 May 2015Think the song is crying out to be called: "Make You Feel Alright" - this is a hook listeners would latch-on to and remember where as "again" is nebulous and wont mean anything to anyone. Ask yourself which song would you play out of a list of songs from just the title: "again" or "make you feel alright"?!!
I found the panning from side to side of the intro arpeggios disorienting - that didn't work for me.
The production is great as is the vocal delivery. The song is - epic!
The chorus 3-note piano riff is effective and attention getting - however, I'd be very surprised if it's original as it's just too easy a riff for anyone else to find doodling away on a piano/guitar. That's not to say you shouldn't use it - however, if you are trying to go commercial with this then it might be worth checking this aspect out to avoid any potential copyright difficulties.
Anyway, great listen - I really enjoyed it.
Posted 25 May 2015Hi,
It would really help if you could print the lyrics that you have so that listeners can follow the music with the words and see the structure of your song. Gives them 'landmarks' to organise their lyric and music comments around.
What you have here is a good start. Sounds almost like you have two chorus riffs (repeated sections) but no verse.
Your lyric idea is interesting and could be easily developed further with a beer and pencil too hand! Having more lines would allow some more definite structure to your song to be developed.
The vocal melody is good but needs some contrasting sections to the lyrics and music to be developed.
The guitar strumming sounds clean and effective but you use the same strum pattern throughout the song. If you develop a Verse Chorus Verse Chorus lyric then you could finger pick the verse and strum the chorus (or visa versa).
Just a few thoughts - as I said; what you have here is a promising start - keep going on it!
All the best,
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