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30-March 08
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User is offline Sep 18 2015 05:41 AM

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Any song with good melody and lyrics is going to catch my ear

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Icon   AndyLeF To a poet a thousand years past...

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  1. In Topic: Everybody Wants

    Posted 18 Sep 2015

    Hey Tom,

    Stopped by for a quick peek at the songs forum and - love everything about this song! :)

    Great catchy rhythm on the guitar, really good vox feeling throughout and such a tightly focused hook in the lyrics - a classic Ironknee here - kudos!

    Works well stripped down with just your guitar - always a sign it would be great with a band sound as well if you every chose to develop it further.

    Really enjoyed the listen,

  2. In Topic: ďI Couldnít Sleep (Down the River)Ē

    Posted 12 Aug 2015

    Hey Tom,

    An enjoyable listen :)

    The music always adds so much to the lyric and the phrasing of the lyrics especially suddenly makes the meaning in the lyric a lot more accessible for the listener - for me anyway.

    Great guitar picking and vocals as usual. Think maybe the vocals on "man" in the second line of the verse are a bit heavy for my taste but others may think differently.

    I know it's only a rough recoding but there are a few simple things that would improve the sound. There is lots of ambient noise intruding. Also, it sounds like the vocals were done in two (or three) takes because the vocal stereo image and background ambience changes suddenly on the "…on this raft of glass and nails" and "I couldn't breath" bits.

    The chorus is great - just love the "you search the waters edge" line - Stella!

    Loads of potential here to make a cracking full band sound song.

    Think it's crying out for an instrumental after your first chorus. This would also lengthen your song which at just over 2min is a bit short.

    Anyway, good one as always - I like it!

  3. In Topic: tender heart and tough skin

    Posted 4 Aug 2015

    Hi James - welcome to the muse!

    I agree with the comments by Paul and Mike.

    A few more comments below for consideration - mainly to do with superfluous words; to tighten this up for music you really want to be as succinct as possible else there will be a lot of melodic notes not doing much in the music.

    The hook (title) is a little nebulous for me - think a more focused hook would help you crystallise your thoughts more in the verse.

    This is just mho - you have a good story in the making here and I enjoyed the read.

    Good luck with it James.


    View Postjhancock, on 04 August 2015 - 06:17 AM, said:

    I am new to this site.I hope to get your advise ,I wont to make this lyric better.

    Remember the man

    Your hook/title is a little weak for me I'm afraid (see my confusion in my chorus comments). Your story has two really strong aspects: Firstly 'dad' leaving and it's affect on the family and secondly, the young son having to suddenly become a man to fill his dad's boots for the rest of the family. This second aspect seems to me to have much stronger story telling possibilities and would suggest a more focused hook/title like: "The Day Billy Became a Man" or something like that.

    Billy stills remember that cold wintersí day
    Thatís the day his father walked away You can lose "That's" here with no lose of meaning - you used it in line 1.
    Heís dad he never did say too much "His dad never did say too much"
    Seemed like he was always in a rush
    Billy grew up feeling sad and a really mad Remove "a"
    The logic of the "sad" and therefore "mad" escapes me here as you don't necessarily become mad after being sad. It is good to have internal rhymes in lines as it can really make the line stand out. This internal rhyme though is a bit too 'easy' on rhyming and light on the logic/meaning of the line.

    He wanted his father to be like other dads Good line here; totally understandable and you will carry your audience with you.

    Itís been years, Billy stills remember the man
    I'm a little confused here - is the "man" his dad or the man the eleven year old had to suddenly become".

    Mom said things didnít work out
    His dad moved somewhere in the south We know it's his dad now so maybe replace "His" with "While". Also "in"=>"to"
    Bill remembers shivering in the cold air
    Wondering if his dad ever cared Good two lines here and they flow well!

    Itís been years, Billy stills remember the man

    With the other title possibility this line could become something like:
    "It's been years but Billy still remembers the day he became a man".

    His dad left one December day We know it's his dad so simply "His dad"=>"Dad"
    Said his kind of job was hard to find
    He chose to leave his family behind
    Only eleven itís time to become a man
    "It's" here is impersonal - maybe "Only eleven Billy was forced to become a man"
    Mom cried softly sometimes late at night
    She worked in the fields in bright sunlight

    No real sense of hardship in this last line as an explanation for the "Mom cried..." line - think you could add more detail in the last line - maybe something along the lines: "Dawn to dust worked cotton fields in burning sunlight"


    It took years to find out where he is living "he is" => "he's"
    Billy still has a problem with forgiving "a problem with" can be replaced with "problems" with no lose of meaning.
    When we meet I will shake his hand
    Mixed up voice here - why do you suddenly introduce "I"? - think "When they meet Billy will still shake his hand"
    Itís time to talk to him man to man I really like this a lot! - the eleven year old 'man' meeting the other man - great line!
    Dad I donít blame everything on you Mixed up voice in the tag, maybe: "Billy doesn't blame everything on his dad"
    For what it worth I love you too "Billy is man enough to still love him"
    @James Hancock
  4. In Topic: "You My Friends"

    Posted 3 Aug 2015

    View PostMike B, on 03 August 2015 - 03:59 PM, said:

    Shouldn't it be "You, my friends..."? (comma after 'you')

    Yes it should be Mike, thx!

  5. In Topic: "You My Friends"

    Posted 3 Aug 2015

    Thanks Donna - great comments as usual; have revamped the break and modified the chorus a bit.

    Final pre-music lyrics below - of course, that will mean it all changes again as the melody and song feel evolves!

    We must do a collaboration some time - we've been batting comments back and forth over each others lyrics for years now!

    All the best,


    You My Friends
    © 2015 Andrew LeFevre

    Verse 1
    Find tranquillity you seek
    Sheer beauty in existence
    Healing rain will kiss your upturned face
    Let thoughts drift into the distance

    Chorus 1
    You, my friends, are all, my friends, are all
    The dance of life, plays round us and enthrals
    Peace, my friends, find peace, my friends, find peace
    You, my friends, are all, my friends, are all - I reach for

    Verse 2
    Hear the voice of someone calling
    Down the valley on the breeze
    Murmurs from the babbling brook join in
    Overhead a whispering of leaves

    Chorus 2
    You, my friends, are all, my friends, are all
    The dance of life, plays round us and enthrals
    Peace, my friends, find peace, my friends, find peace
    You, my friends, are all, my friends, are all - I reach for

    When you find me I’ll be waiting
    Waiting where I’ve always been
    We’ll talk and walk as time stands still
    Conquer slopes of impossible hills
    Transcend ravines in man’s goodwill - we will, we will

    Chorus 3
    You, my friends, are all, my friends, are all
    The dance of life, plays round us and enthrals
    Peace, my friends, find peace, my friends, find peace
    You, my friends, are all, my friends, are all - I reach for

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A Muse's Muse
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Essex, England
Life, the Universe and everything...

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  1. Photo

    AndyLeF Icon

    29 Nov 2014 - 12:21
    Hi Bernie - think you are better off in Calif. - just wet and wet and wet over here! Good to meet you on the muse!
  2. Photo

    ironynotlost Icon

    29 Nov 2014 - 11:55
    Hello Andy, I'm stuck in Calif. US, but hail from Merry Old, way way back when I was 3 yrs. Bernie
  3. Photo

    AndyLeF Icon

    13 Mar 2014 - 06:35
    Hi Gwyneth - at long last, my comments is up and running - many thanks!
    Do be careful and choose a UK location above any local floodplain - we have had one heck of a lot a rain recently! Cheers
  4. Photo

    Gwyneth Rose Icon

    13 Mar 2014 - 05:27
    HI Andy,
    How do you do? LOL
    I see you reside in Essex. I'm coming back to the UK within the next 3 months. Going to live is Oxted, Surrey.
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