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Songs Feedback (80 posts)
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User is offline Feb 06 2016 11:57 AM
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Both
Musical Influences?:
Any song with good melody and lyrics is going to catch my ear

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Icon   AndyLeF To a poet a thousand years past...

Posts I've Made

  1. In Topic: Instrumental Competition - January '16

    Posted 30 Jan 2016

    There was a reading of a poem called “Lost Love” at one of my local folk clubs and 'Didi', the poet, came up to me afterwards and said she always thought it would make a good song and would I like to compose some music for it. The poem seemed to me to have loads of potential - so, here is the instrumental version of “Lost Love”; the sad tale of a young couple growing up together in a moorland setting (renown for many-a folk tune!) where they played together and fell in love. Then sadly one of them dies leaving the other behind with unbearable sad loss but contrasting happy memories of their short time together.

    The poem had a Verse1, Verse2, Break1, Verse3, Verse4, Break2, Verse5, Break1 structure where the two breaks tell different aspects of their happy times together.

    The Verse melody is scene and sad lamenting setting while the break melody contrasts with thoughts of their happy times together.

    I’ve tried to capture the sad and happy aspects and atmosphere of "Lost Love" out there on the moor, where one of them is left lamenting the sad passing of the other.


    Lost Love (Instrumental)

    © 2016 Music composed and arranged by A.P.LeFevre

    Flute & strings midi, acoustic guitar – Andy LeFevre
    Mandolin – Peter Slater
    Double Bass – Roy Bartholomew

    Hope it strikes a 'chord' with listeners!

    Andy
  2. In Topic: Just One More Day With You

    Posted 23 Jan 2016

    Hi David,

    Loads of potential here - cracking guitar playing throughout and in the intro and solo in particular.

    Vocals are expressive and support the lyric well.

    My main crit would be the movement from verse into the chorus - see below...

    Really enjoyed the listen David :)

    Andy


    Just One More Day With You
    Music & Lyrics by David S. Becker
    ©2016 David S. Becker Music

    INTRO
    Wonderful feel to the intro here; great guitar playing - sets up the vibe of the song really well - great stuff!
    VERSE 1

    The sky above me
    Smiles down so sweetly Not sure about "Smiles" here - maybe "Shines" is a more believable 'emotion' for the sky?!
    Everytime I think of you
    I know you're there, but

    VERSE 2
    My eyes keep tearing up
    Christmas was really rough
    A New Year's Wish that can't come true
    Just one more day with you

    The movement into the chorus here is a problem for me - no discernible change for the listener; the chorus is sounding like another verse - think it needs an 'entrance' - maybe a pause or something just to announce it's arrival.


    CHORUS
    They say that time heals
    But that's not how I feel
    In my heart
    In my soul
    I know what I want
    Is just one more day with you

    The chorus melody to my ear is very similar to the verse melody in the first two lines which is causing the problem with the chorus entrance being announced.

    Also, it seems a bit odd to me to repeat the hook line at the end of verse 2 and 4 - maybe the end of verse 2 and 4 could be made into a pre chorus? - something like:
    "There's something I need to say to you" or if you really wanted to build tension for your hook then: "I just wanted, I just wanted" - to be resolved at the end of the chorus with something like:

    "I just wanted
    One more day with you"

    Maybe if you play vocally with the words in the first two lines of the chorus you could get the verse/lyric contrast that is needed? Another idea would be to change the rhythm/meter of the first two chorus lines well away from verse rhythm/meter - that would ensure the melody changes at the start of the chorus.


    Great contrast and song development you introduce here by bringing in the drums to announce the Chorus => Verse boundary!

    VERSE 3
    I'd say I'm sorry
    And please forgive me
    For all those times I made you cry
    And kept it all inside

    VERSE 4
    Hot dogs and cold brews
    As we watch the Bucs lose Love the couplet here!
    But we'll cheer 'til we're near blue
    Just one more day with you

    REPEAT CHORUS
    Good doubling up of the vocals here - like it!

    SOLO excellent solo - love it! Like the contrast you introduce from the solo going into the last chorus where you simplify the backing greatly - effective!
    REPEAT CHORUS
  3. In Topic: "Journey Through The Night"

    Posted 20 Jan 2016

    Hey guys Ė many thanks for listening and all your comments :)

    Tom Ė ha ha, yeah right - theíre queuing up to sign me up and a fight is gonna break-out any second now ;) Many thanks for the vote of confidence - means a lot coming from you :)

    JCMCharlie Ė thanks man Ė I have to work at my vocals to get the best; there is blood sweat and tears here. I hear what youíre saying about the violins Ė Iíd normally go for an electric guitar like you said but this is a contrast track in a CD Iím completing and there are loads of guitars on the other tracks so I might just hold on to the violins in this dreamscape song. Good comment about the laughing-vibrato Ė when I concentrated on that it did sound kinda weird so Iíve reigned it right back on the new take; hope itís better now! Interesting comment about the lifts Ė this is a dreamscape song though, so butterflies and singing birds are good!!

    Paul Ė haha Ė yeah Ė maybe this one is too alternative for the ďAlternativeĒ genre! Good idea about the female vocalist Ė may try for a high harmony in the end. Interesting melody-jump comment you make Ė I found the Ďjumping-around-guitaróintro-riffí first and the jumping around vocal melody sounded right for this song to me Ė Iíd have to agree with you for most other songs I wouldnít do this but I think here I'll keep it.

    Mike Ė good comments on the vocals Ė Iíve removed the vox doubling and talking vox in the break and redone all the harmonies. Hope it sounds better now.

    Jambrains Ė thanks; Iíve tried to tame the fast vibrato and redone all the vocals so hope Iíve got most of the pitch issues out the way as well. Iíd agree about too much reverb normally Ė however, I think maybe I can get away with it in this dreamscape song vibe. Iíll see how the new version is received...


    A few changes to the lyrics and song title and new recording in the link.

    Journey Through The Night Other Worlds

    Instrumental Verse 1 & Lift 1

    Verse 2

    Close your eyes and travel deep, to far unconscious realms
    Falling helpless spinning down, completely overwhelmed

    Lift 2
    Hear the sound, ofDrowning in the ocean waves, crashing to the shore
    Feel the one, that A giant fist, sweeps you up and rocks you to the core

    Verse 3
    Stumbling blindly, lose your way, distorted memories
    Restless capture canít break free, inside some fantasy

    Lift 3
    Oh, time so endless crawls its way, sand trickling down the hour glass
    Grain by grain, begrudging falling, passes not so fastSuspended animation prison, a universe so vast

    Break
    Journey through the night beginning
    Close your eyes let go
    Helter skelter rides. falling
    No safety net below

    Verse 4
    Now the rain starts, now the wind, outside a raging gale
    Wind chimes echo through the window Chinese torture spells

    Lift 5
    Oh, toss and turn, you hear a cry, from some tormented soul
    Wake before the stars burn out, escaping the black hole
    To other worlds
  4. In Topic: caretaker

    Posted 7 Jan 2016

    Hey Charlie,

    Highly innovative song you have here both lyrically and with the backing and especially the vocal 'beat-box' effects!

    Think the vox could benefit from bringing up in the mix a bit - several places I was near losing what you were saying in the backing music.

    The style of the backing is kind of relentless on the ear - what I think would really work here is what the Black-Eyed-Peas do in "Where is the love" - check out before and after 1:02min. The section after 1:02 changes character completely from a rather stompy deliver to some thing very melodic and the contrast is superb. Think you could do that with the areas I've highlighter in blue below. Just a thought - it would add a new dimension to a very promising song start.

    Just my 10 cents hope it's helpful! :)

    Andy

    View Postjust call me charlie, on 03 December 2015 - 05:53 AM, said:

    I was feeling a bit like your own personal jesus, so here is Caretaker.
    Any kind of feedback is welcome.



    caretaker


    you like it green
    but nothing Ďll grow,
    he got the ring
    she wanna take it slow,
    a rambling man
    yearning for home,
    her chest look good
    but itís hard as stone,
    yeah itís hard as stone,
    what you need is a fork
    and all you get is a knife,
    suicidal girl fears
    they gonna safe her life,
    heís on a diet
    and still your pugís way too fat

    but donít you worry momma
    Charlie takes care of that

    Ďcause Iím a caretaker
    Iím a better better maker
    broken, twisted, untied
    crooked, sad or unfair
    get it out of your head now
    Ďcause Iím taking care

    a pond to cross
    and shoes full of lead,
    paid for a chicken
    but got a rooster instead,
    the kid has the eyes
    of your loverís best friend,
    youíre aching to know
    but no one tells the end,
    you couldnít take care
    so they went and took her,
    thing is dripping red
    and you got it from a Chinese hooker
    yeah, you got it from a Chinese hooker,
    Daisy likes to point
    but cut the tip of her finger,
    John wants the gold
    but he ainít much of a digger,
    big wheel to meet
    and a stain on your suit,
    just hand me the wheel
    I get the train running smooth

    Ďcause Iím a caretaker
    Iím a better better maker
    no need for pushing and pulling
    everyone will get his share
    troubles donít lead to worry
    as long as Iím taking care


    milk on the floor
    salesman at the door
    a kiss but not a hug
    your boot stuck in the mud
    contract up in smoke
    blind manís cane broke
    balloon with a loose end
    a plan you donít understand
    the key broke of in the lock
    your cigarettes out of stock

    No not a moneymaker
    No not a soultaker
    No not a earthquaker
    No not an heartbreaker

    Yes Iím a Caretaker
    (not a saltshaker)
    Iím a better better maker
    (not a smile faker)
    Iím a caretaker
    (not an air baker)
    Iím a better better maker
    (not a skin scraper)
    [/font]
  5. In Topic: The Writing's on the Wall

    Posted 7 Jan 2016

    Hey PT,

    Lovely song and your vocals sound great - although there are some swallowing background sound 'effects' that could be muted out with a little editing of the vocal wav file.

    Lyrics maintain a high standard throughout and kept me interested with some new ways of putting things.

    Verse melody good.

    Chorus melody great for the first two lines but runs out of steam in the third and fourth lines which lyrically don't add anything new - fix that and you'll have a cracking song here!

    A few other comments below.

    Good luck with it :)

    Cheers,

    Andy



    View PostPTCruiser1801, on 07 January 2016 - 03:06 PM, said:

    Hi everyone!

    Happy New Year to all here.

    I would really appreciate a listen to my new song 'The Writing's on the Wall' if you have a few minutes or some feedback if you're feeling very generous with your time.

    https://soundcloud.c...ngs-on-the-wall

    It is inspired by the increasing control of people and their actions by the 'powers that be'. For different people this may be different powers but the message is still the same: We should fight back against being entirely controlled every second of the day.

    The chorus deals with the fact that we are taking constant updates in surveillance and observation for granted. Will it get to a stage where we don't notice when it has gone too far? Has it gone too far already?

    I hope you enjoy it!

    Here are the lyrics:

    We're following their orders,
    Without a second thought.
    There's no guns or bombs or soldiers,
    It's our freedom that's being fought.

    We live in an illusion.
    We're watched more than before.
    Their bullets are confusion,
    In this battle in this war. Great couplet here lyrically - kudos!


    CHORUS
    But who's to say we'll notice,
    When the writing's on the wall?

    Melodically - two great lines here - your chorus soars! :)/>

    Lyrically - I'm having trouble with that "When" in the second line - why is it there? - the line becomes very powerful indeed imho if it's removed because it's saying we are all blind to what's going on which is spot on for your strong hook! Think the vocal flow will be improved if you take it out as well...

    Who's to say,
    We'll notice anything at all?

    Ok two lines lyrically to end the chorus but don't introduce anything new after your two great first lines imho.
    Melodically, the chorus, for me, kind-of runs out of steam a bit after the second line with the long pause...


    We're not marching to a drum,
    It's to an orchestra instead.
    You must be sure to let them hear,
    The thoughts inside your head.

    Love the verse lyrics here - well said and great stuff!


    With omnipresent armies,
    They're wrestling control.
    Good luck hiding yourself away,
    Before they take your soul.


    CHORUS
    But who's to say we'll notice,
    When the writing's on the wall?
    Who's to say,
    We'll notice anything at all?

    BRIDGE
    We look towards a future,
    Reminiscent of the past.
    We fight to get our freedom,
    Then that freedom doesn't last.

    Excellent lyrics here!


    Let's set ourselves for battle,
    Revolution has begun.
    We should be proud to tell ourselves,
    It's about time that we won.


    CHORUS (x2)
    They thought we'd never notice,
    That the writing's on the wall. Why is "That" used here? - more impact and better flow if removed imho. (you'd need to change "writing's" to "writing" though...)
    Little did they know,
    We'd see it all.

My Information

Member Title:
A Muse's Muse
Age:
Age Unknown
Birthday:
Birthday Unknown
Gender:
Location:
Essex, England
Interests:
Life, the Universe and everything...

Contact Information

E-mail:
Click here to e-mail me
Website URL:
Website URL  http://https://soundcloud.com/andy-lefevre

Comments

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  1. Photo

    AndyLeF Icon

    29 Nov 2014 - 12:21
    Hi Bernie - think you are better off in Calif. - just wet and wet and wet over here! Good to meet you on the muse!
  2. Photo

    ironynotlost Icon

    29 Nov 2014 - 11:55
    Hello Andy, I'm stuck in Calif. US, but hail from Merry Old, way way back when I was 3 yrs. Bernie
  3. Photo

    AndyLeF Icon

    13 Mar 2014 - 06:35
    Hi Gwyneth - at long last, my comments is up and running - many thanks!
    Do be careful and choose a UK location above any local floodplain - we have had one heck of a lot a rain recently! Cheers
    Andy
  4. Photo

    Gwyneth Rose Icon

    13 Mar 2014 - 05:27
    HI Andy,
    How do you do? LOL
    I see you reside in Essex. I'm coming back to the UK within the next 3 months. Going to live is Oxted, Surrey.
    Cheers
    G
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