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- 30-March 08
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- Any song with good melody and lyrics is going to catch my ear
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Posted 30 Mar 2014Great lyric turn-out this month
Well done to Kimberly for coming first with "The Last"! and to all the lyrics - I enjoyed them all and to Sharon - a lot of work must be involved in scoring and checking the scores of so many songs - kudos!
My favorite was CabDryver's "Mississippi's On Fire" - cracking title, fantastic images, original lyrics and imho - pure Paul Simon - could hear it as a S&G song.
Joint second for me were:
Clemo's "Lone Town" - original story line with a great twist at the end and fabkebab's "High Tide" - I loved the driftwood left on the beach metaphor!
I had a bunch on joint 3rd: "Vagabond and Gypsy", "I Can Dream" and "Love...struck me again"
Special mentions should go to:
Summerrose's "Oh, All Me Irish Lads" - beautifully written and could make a really stella folk song! - love to hear this when the music is finished! Could be a hit with the right music and female vocalist...
I scored Captain's "Sarie" highly and really liked the 'heart-on-the-sleeve' lyric approach and images. Can't believe it came were it did.
Posted 18 Mar 2014As you know, Andy, I really like the lyric here, even without any changes. The one line I worried about the meter of doesn't create any problems.
Musically, I'm not sure this is on target. Instead of feeling like I'm slow dancing on the floor with the love of my life, I feel like I'm riding a merry-go-round with my squealing 4 year old daughter. 3/4 and 6/8 can be very passionate signatures, but you need to tone down the fair vibe and mellow the piece out.
At least, that's what I'd do if it were my song. You are certainly free to disregard anything I offer, most intelligent people do.
That's very odd - I'd tried hard to work on the music prosody of this one from the start; to set up a French bar kind-of-an atmosphere with the intro conversation murmurings, the honky-tonk piano and the accordion and instead hit the funfair merry go-round instead
Great feedback as usual thanks
Hi Donna - thanks for your comments. Well, two of you swing it for me; just heading down to a lounge bar to smooth out the vibe and get these two lovers out of the funfair (well, maybe that was one of their 'reminiscences' )
Agree about the time order of 'nightclubs' and 'proms' - although in practice people probably reminisce all over the place time-wise but probably not a good idea for a song since the limited setting-up of the scene can confuse.
Well, I've had some terrific feedback here and in the lyric forum - time to move on to V1 V2 Br V3 structure and mellow the vibe.
Posted 14 Mar 2014Have posted a first draft on the song-feedback forum here for those interested:
Still Under Your Spell
Brossell - glad you liked it and that it resonated with you.
Foose31 - thanks for your comments; I guess some ideas don't always work with everyone!
Justin - great feedback as always thanks.
Glad you liked the "Achilles" line - took some finding and it's always a rush to find a slightly different way of saying something - the lyric writers holy grail!. Have used "when" and am tempted to similarly change "later" to "then" in v3 - thanks for that.
Neal - This song is a bit 'mushy'! - I'd probably never have written it if I hadn't been active on the muse site and influenced by some of the lyric contests. Good suggestion of yours on the bridge. I also was thinking that as I was composing and thought maybe the backing music development might be sufficient. I might yet re-write V2 as a bridge and elevate V3 - after reviewing any comments on the song feedback. V2 does seem to be causing confusion for some people although, to me, it's simple 'reminiscing'.
Mark - some great suggestions - particularly liked "Our bodies embracing, becoming as one"!
V2 does seem to be a problem and may well become a bridge after a re-write.
Pat - thanks and for your PM suggestions. I'll PM back.
Many thanks for every one's suggestions and comments - much appreciated
Posted 14 Mar 2014Hi Butcher',
This is really good and well worth polishing with real drums and other development.
Loved the electric guitar exploding in at 15sec. Good vocals - if held back a bit as mentioned above.
You have some good comments already so I'll restrict myself to your chorus.
You use a really good effect on the 1st line of the chorus and I longed to hear that effect repeated on alternate lines turning it into a statement and answering statement chorus - so, the effects lines would be in red:
Crystalize in the sun
You're coming home but I m moving on
Moving on moving on
Home I m moving on
Moving on moving on
Home I m moving on
Good one and all the best with it!
Posted 14 Mar 2014Hi Battle,
The song is really good on it's own but I do like the originality you have here with the sermon!
The sermon could work well but as it is at the moment, to my ears, it's too loud and 'up-front' and dominating in the mix. You could try tailoring the EQ of the sermon to give it a radio/telephone like effect and maybe adding some reverb to help send it more at the back of the mix.
There is a great example of this 'radio' effect here (at 1.27min - 1.42min into the song) with ELO's: Here Is The News song
It could really put your sermon in the back of the mix where it's impact is not overriding your song - but complementing it instead.
ELO also use a wonderful echo on "penal one" which might also be effective at some part of the sermon...
Just some thoughts!
All the best with it,
- Member Title:
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