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- Other Contests (29 posts)
- 30-March 08
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- Any song with good melody and lyrics is going to catch my ear
Posts I've Made
Posted 1 Mar 2014Hi Rob,
Thanks for your feedback on my Feb comp song and here's mine on yours FWIW - as I didn't do well either!
The backing music and lyrics were good as is the timbre of your vocals. Where it fell short to my ears was in the lack of vocal dynamics and vocal melody.
The vocal melody in the verse especially was very repetitive - taking a bit of time to improve just those two areas would take your song into a different league IMHO.
Hope you find this useful,
Posted 27 Feb 2014Congratulations Neal - well out in front this month!
I had a bunch of lyrics I couldn't separate, topping my list this month:
"Under The Bed" - Neal - great images here; I think the scoring reflects how well folk relate to the theme of this lyric; our dreams tucked away. Particularly strong chorus.
"SIGN OF THE TIMES" - Pat - this really is the reality everywhere you go; you captured it brilliantly and sensitively!
"Ghosts At Play" - starsinmyeyes - I can really relate to this; so many memories about past places and faces well-up to greet one when returning to a very familiar place.
"FM Fantasy" - neuroron - I can hear this blasting out of car radio with the top down and the sun streaming in - I'm there! Loved the second verse in particular - 'Cindy' does it for me
"Fade To Black" - The Cracks - this was really haunting and poignant; that poor guy outside the window; he had my sympathy!
"Casablanca" - Alistair - I see the collab. contest lyrics are still falling out the 'tree'! Cracking pre-chorus-chorus with the question and answer lines and some wonderful couplet lines spread throughout.
Well done everyone, I enjoyed reading through all the lyrics
Many thanks to Sharon for organizing and Kimberly for voting!
Posted 24 Feb 2014Mortal,
Wow, the MM server must be really slow to update - I could have sworn you only had a few replies when I replied and then when it updated you had over 30 so my comments are probably 'stale'
Looks like you are making good progress on it!
Posted 24 Feb 2014Hey Mortal,
This one has a lot of potential, I like it!
A few thoughts below,
*Hi guys, got this very country-sounding hook stuck in my head that just won't go away so I wanted to share what I've come up with in the couple days it's been haunting my thoughts. Just tryin' to cement the hook before I go into any of the backstory behind why she may've left him. Is it working? It's basically a sad, slower-tempo, wistful sounding song. Works pretty well, vocally, but I wanted to get a few opinions before moving forward with it. Thx
Why get mad at me for makin' jokes
When that's what I always do?
Ev'rybody's got a dif'rent way
Of dealin' with the blues
This is great! - has a fresh feel to it that is hard to achieve.
And this is mine
May-be in time
I'll learn to grieve
My 'too-easy-a' rhyme detector goes haywire here - the second line would imho be much more effective with out a rhyme - maybe something like:
"This is just my way
of saying to you
I need you like the air I breath"
But I don't think I EVER thought
You'd EVER not be here
No, I don't think I EVER thought you'd leave
Love the sentiment here - you're in the 'zone' man!
A slight suggestion for the rather awkward last line (and maybe a title suggestion: "Never Ever Thought You'd Leave"):
"No, I never EVER thought you'd leave"
I must be blind
Love's lost its shine
Afraid my 'detector' has just gone off again - maybe something like:
"I was blinded
Hiding my love from you
Can you not believe?"
I always thought you'd be right here
I guess that's why I NEVER thought you'd leave
Posted 24 Feb 2014Many many thanks for all your comments guys
Patticake - it never ceases to amaze me how different people extract different lyric interpretations!
I think I'd subconsciously latched onto the word "Mortal" from seeing "Mortal Soul's" MM name coming up on the forum and then I had the lyric hook thought of contrasting the difference between perfect god-like and imperfect human-like reactions to emotions - hence all my rather trite couplets.
I hadn't considered the mortal 'death' aspect - so maybe, what I have here, is a suitable 'death-metal' lyric?!
Carl - yes agreed, needs more real human story/'meat' to make a good lyric out of this one.
Mortal - cheers man, that's an interesting idea to avoid the 'mortal' word - it would still have the shock value to get past the standard insipid hook lines I might have chosen!
All good food for thought comments - thanks again,
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