[oxe57]

I believe this one has been shared before. It's gone through a rewrite. Here 'tis one mo' 'gain. Thanks in advance...................peace!


"A Key For Margie"


seeds of vision rip a hole
where there should be love
slamming doors on forgiveness and sorrow

from the heavens a silhouette
floats like a windblown kite
hovering before mother, child and death
who stand hand in hand on a pulpit
squawking to a one man congregation
a congregation that lost their psyche years ago
in a crap game just outside of Hades

[DannyDep]

Hi oxe57,
Well i didn't read the prior version(s) of this but for something you define as free verse, I'm feeling a definite musical mood to it.

That'll teach her to play craps with the devil.

Is there a chorus that comes next with Margie in mind?
I like this.

[Simple Simon]

I like this too, but I struggle to understand the "seeds of vision rip a hole
where there should be love
slamming doors on forgiveness and sorrow"

"Seeds of what vision", I find myself asking.

I have the feeling that the answer to this question is in part two, but I'm afraid I am unable to discern it.

[oxe57]

Thanks guys. I do find myself trying to be lyrical in my poetry and poetic in my lyrics. This poem is based on a conversation I had with a friend and their offspring regarding a deceased relative. I even threw myself into the mix as well. I've always been of the notion that in poetry if it feels good then leave it. In my lyricwriting I try not to use this delivery too much. Thanks again for the input..................peace!

[Duane Clancy]

oxe57, on 06 May 2012 - 05:20 PM, said:

"A Key For Margie"

seeds of vision rip a hole
where there should be love (filling the empty space with nothingness, hallowness, only the echo of what was in the past a vibrant, thriving entity)
slamming doors on forgiveness and sorrow (because after it's gone ... remembering is all we have?)

from the heavens a silhouette (the dark wings of the harbringer of fate?)
floats like a windblown kite
hovering before mother, child and death (the beginning for life from the mother ... life travelling on a path as a child ... then end of the path as death?)
who stand hand in hand on a pulpit
squawking to a one man congregation (the circle/cycle of life showing how each part has it's place ... and a person who no longer has the drive to listen?)
a congregation that lost their psyche years ago
in a crap game just outside of Hades

[oxe57]

Thanks DC. You went with it and I believe that is what most poets want. Thanks again............peace!

[NickSpangler]

this was amazing! As i was reading it to myself i thought, "wow people on this site have some serious talent! I have a lot more to grow as a writer!"

"seeds of vision rip a hole
where there should be love
slamming doors on forgiveness and sorrow"

Those opening lines really rung in my ears more so than the rest. the feel im getting is a unwanted goodbye that you know is best for you but it still rips your heart in two to do it. Or an unrequited need for love throughout the course of a life...something along those lines was my first impression.

[oxe57]

Thanks Nick for the kind words. You're right there are some very talented folks here at the Muse. It fills me with joy to see a young person with a passion for writing. Keep at it and please share your art. The feedback to me is the best thing about the Muse. All the best my friend................peace!