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"A Key For Margie" free verse

#1 User is offline   oxe57 Icon

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Posted 06 May 2012 - 05:20 PM

I believe this one has been shared before. It's gone through a rewrite. Here 'tis one mo' 'gain. Thanks in advance...................peace!


"A Key For Margie"


seeds of vision rip a hole
where there should be love
slamming doors on forgiveness and sorrow

from the heavens a silhouette
floats like a windblown kite
hovering before mother, child and death
who stand hand in hand on a pulpit
squawking to a one man congregation
a congregation that lost their psyche years ago
in a crap game just outside of Hades
the whisper of a devil is louder than the scream of an angel-

Music with meaning at: http://www.soundclick.com/solide

Lyrics, poetry, screenplays etc. at: http://www.storymani...o...nsR&alpha=E

#2 User is offline   DannyDep Icon

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Posted 06 May 2012 - 10:00 PM

Hi oxe57,
Well i didn't read the prior version(s) of this but for something you define as free verse, I'm feeling a definite musical mood to it.

:lol: That'll teach her to play craps with the devil. ;)

Is there a chorus that comes next with Margie in mind?
I like this. :)
"The quality of life,
can only be measured by
the integrity of yourself and the friends
that take the trip with you."

Here are two of my friends,
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here is my Soundclick page,
Soundclick webpage
here is my Facebook page,
Facebook webpate
and here is the rest.
My homepage.

#3 User is offline   Simple Simon Icon

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Posted 08 May 2012 - 01:39 AM

I like this too, but I struggle to understand the "seeds of vision rip a hole
where there should be love
slamming doors on forgiveness and sorrow"

"Seeds of what vision", I find myself asking.

I have the feeling that the answer to this question is in part two, but I'm afraid I am unable to discern it.

#4 User is offline   oxe57 Icon

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Posted 08 May 2012 - 01:30 PM

Thanks guys. I do find myself trying to be lyrical in my poetry and poetic in my lyrics. This poem is based on a conversation I had with a friend and their offspring regarding a deceased relative. I even threw myself into the mix as well. I've always been of the notion that in poetry if it feels good then leave it. In my lyricwriting I try not to use this delivery too much. Thanks again for the input..................peace!
the whisper of a devil is louder than the scream of an angel-

Music with meaning at: http://www.soundclick.com/solide

Lyrics, poetry, screenplays etc. at: http://www.storymani...o...nsR&alpha=E

#5 User is offline   Duane Clancy Icon

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Posted 10 May 2012 - 05:01 PM

View Postoxe57, on 06 May 2012 - 05:20 PM, said:

"A Key For Margie"

seeds of vision rip a hole
where there should be love (filling the empty space with nothingness, hallowness, only the echo of what was in the past a vibrant, thriving entity)
slamming doors on forgiveness and sorrow (because after it's gone ... remembering is all we have?)

from the heavens a silhouette (the dark wings of the harbringer of fate?)
floats like a windblown kite
hovering before mother, child and death (the beginning for life from the mother ... life travelling on a path as a child ... then end of the path as death?)
who stand hand in hand on a pulpit
squawking to a one man congregation (the circle/cycle of life showing how each part has it's place ... and a person who no longer has the drive to listen?)
a congregation that lost their psyche years ago
in a crap game just outside of Hades


#6 User is offline   oxe57 Icon

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Posted 10 May 2012 - 08:29 PM

Thanks DC. You went with it and I believe that is what most poets want. Thanks again............peace!
the whisper of a devil is louder than the scream of an angel-

Music with meaning at: http://www.soundclick.com/solide

Lyrics, poetry, screenplays etc. at: http://www.storymani...o...nsR&alpha=E

#7 User is offline   NickSpangler Icon

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Posted 11 May 2012 - 03:23 PM

this was amazing! As i was reading it to myself i thought, "wow people on this site have some serious talent! I have a lot more to grow as a writer!"

"seeds of vision rip a hole
where there should be love
slamming doors on forgiveness and sorrow"

Those opening lines really rung in my ears more so than the rest. the feel im getting is a unwanted goodbye that you know is best for you but it still rips your heart in two to do it. Or an unrequited need for love throughout the course of a life...something along those lines was my first impression.
"I've always looked for the perfect life to step into. I've taken all the paths to get where I wanted.But no matter where I go, I still come home me."

#8 User is offline   oxe57 Icon

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Posted 11 May 2012 - 11:59 PM

Thanks Nick for the kind words. You're right there are some very talented folks here at the Muse. It fills me with joy to see a young person with a passion for writing. Keep at it and please share your art. The feedback to me is the best thing about the Muse. All the best my friend................peace!
the whisper of a devil is louder than the scream of an angel-

Music with meaning at: http://www.soundclick.com/solide

Lyrics, poetry, screenplays etc. at: http://www.storymani...o...nsR&alpha=E

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