[TamsNumber4]

This all started with a chorus. I wrote this chorus that came to me with a melody and all I needed was the rest of the song! Danny (Dannyk1) came up with the verses that I felt fit perfectly and we worked on the bridge together. (Please Note: This is NOT a literal song, it is not really about a ship and sailing, it is about finding a way to deal with problems and seeking whatever it is that gets you through troubled times, your own salvation or safe haven.)

The melody came easy and I chorded it and found myself back on the Musician Forum begging for a music track. Colin Ward swooped in once again in true superhero form to rescue you all from my guitar playing and I greatly appreciate the work he did on this.


I WILL LIGHT YOUR SKY on SoundClick


I Will Light Your Sky
by Tammy Carlson and Danny Ketcherside
© 2012

V1

Sailing on the seas of life
You're lost and all alone
All your days turn into nights
You're far away from home

V2

When the waves begin to rise
And the wind begins to blow
Though the seas are deep and wide
I'm searching for your shore

Chorus

If you lose your way, I will blaze a trail
before you run aground, I will set the sail
In the heart of your storm, I will be the eye
When your world goes dark, I will light your sky

V3

I see a light in far off skies
My home is close at hand
I turn toward the distant shore
To reach your promised land

Chorus

If you lose your way, I will blaze a trail
before you run aground, I will set the sail
In the heart of your storm, I will be the eye
When your world goes dark, I will light your sky


Bridge

When the calm and the dawn of your day arise
The fear resides, your heart abides to your brightening skies
I step off of the deep blue sea Into your waiting arms
I hold you close, you let me know you'll keep me safe from harm


Chorus

If you lose your way, I will blaze a trail
before you run aground, I will set the sail
In the heart of your storm, I will be the eye
When your world goes dark, I will light your sky


Chorus

If you lose your way, I will blaze a trail
before you run aground, I will set the sail
In the heart of your storm, I will be the eye
When your world goes dark, I will light your sky

[daryl1968]

Hi Tammy
Great vocal performance - you really hit those high notes. I like the song but would try to get to the Chorus earlier - that's where the hook is

[Zeek]

I love the melody you came up with on this. My problem would be that you sang verse 1 with a melody line that really popped but you varied from it in verses 2/3. You should keep the verses the same because...well...verse 1 worked! ...much better than 2/3. That's my main nit but it's a big one. It lost cohesiveness because of that.

Also, the bridge seemed long. I'm a fan of shorter to-the-point bridges--2 lines max.

Still nice singing and melody. My kid is humming the melody as I write, but from verse 1.

Zeek

[kimberlyinnc]

TamsNumber4, on 02 May 2012 - 04:20 PM, said:

This all started with a chorus. I wrote this chorus that came to me with a melody and all I needed was the rest of the song! Danny (Dannyk1) came up with the verses that I felt fit perfectly and we worked on the bridge together. (Please Note: This is NOT a literal song, it is not really about a ship and sailing, it is about finding a way to deal with problems and seeking whatever it is that gets you through troubled times, your own salvation or safe haven.)

The melody came easy and I chorded it and found myself back on the Musician Forum begging for a music track. Colin Ward swooped in once again in true superhero form to rescue you all from my guitar playing and I greatly appreciate the work he did on this.


I WILL LIGHT YOUR SKY on SoundClick


I Will Light Your Sky
by Tammy Carlson and Danny Ketcherside
© 2012

V1

Sailing on the seas of life
You're lost and all alone
All your days turn into nights
You're far away from home

V2

When the waves begin to rise
And the wind begins to blow
Though the seas are deep and wide
I'm searching for your shore

Chorus

If you lose your way, I will blaze a trail
before you run aground, I will set the sail
In the heart of your storm, I will be the eye
When your world goes dark, I will light your sky

V3

I see a light in far off skies
My home is close at hand
I turn toward the distant shore
To reach your promised land

Chorus

If you lose your way, I will blaze a trail
before you run aground, I will set the sail
In the heart of your storm, I will be the eye
When your world goes dark, I will light your sky


Bridge

When the calm and the dawn of your day arise
The fear resides, your heart abides to your brightening skies
I step off of the deep blue sea Into your waiting arms
I hold you close, you let me know you'll keep me safe from harm


Chorus

If you lose your way, I will blaze a trail
before you run aground, I will set the sail
In the heart of your storm, I will be the eye
When your world goes dark, I will light your sky


Chorus

If you lose your way, I will blaze a trail
before you run aground, I will set the sail
In the heart of your storm, I will be the eye
When your world goes dark, I will light your sky

I am not sure by your post if you are just displaying the song or if you want comments/suggestions. I do agree with Nat about the 2-3 verses sounding a bit diff. from verse one, melody wise.....on the bridge I was told in classes at SONGU that if you have a song lyric that is a basic structure, with lines about the same length throughout, the bridge and chorus should be shorter, such as tbe bridge is
When the calm and the dawn of your day arise
The fear resides, your heart abides to your brightening skies
I step off of the deep blue sea Into your waiting arms
I hold you close, you let me know you'll keep me safe from harm

maybe shorten it and maybe change rhyme scheme from being like the chorus, maybe a
aab or aba or something..
but in some ways, the bridge lyrically is giving the same sort of information as the verses, I will be there for you type of thing...perhaps another direction could be to tell them, everyone needs someone from time to time, someone they can trust in to be there, and how it is not bad to ask for that help? just a suggestion...

I think the melody is very nice, you sound great as always, the lyric is beautiful, and Colin's playing, as always is wonderful. best of luck with this.

keep it up

Kimberly

[garymc]

Hey Tam

You really have a great sense of melody, I'm yet to listen to a song of yours that has a dull one, which makes it so easy to listen to and comment on.

For me, after about 2:30mins those drums really start to do my head in, I think its mainly because nothing else really goes into the music except them and the acoustic guitar so it feels like only half the production has really been done. 1+1 would be cool, or just go the whole hog, something needs to help the vocals out in building the song and some kind of variation in the drum track would be nice.

V2 would probably work better halved in length and used as a pre-chorus rather than a second verse, and V3 would be nicer if it went back to V1's melody, which is lush by the way.

Excellent singing as usual.

Gary

[Desertrose]

Hey Tammy, I really like this lyric and loved your vocal!
I've got to be honest though. I really didn't get into the music for this.
The chords seemed to go all over the place in the chorus and I didn't like the third chord played in the verse progression.
I think you've done an amazing job fitting a melody to such a changeable chord structure though!
What I DID really like was the chords for the bridge. I was thinking to myself I would have liked to have heard something more like THAT in the verses and then a chorus that allows the melody to soar into a more positive uplifting vibe chord wise.
Just my impression and thoughts on the first listen.

[CapM]

Tammy - I loved this. Your vocals especially drew me right in. I listened several times, and the chorus really has a memorable hook. Others above mentioned the differing melodies and chord progressions throughout- that's certainly true, but it wasn't a problem for me. I dig stuff that doesn't fit the typical mold. Maybe since this has more of a pop/country feel that peeps are expecting more repeating structure, which is a decision you'll have to make - either do it your own way or bring it more mainstream. I know which one I would pick. Anyhow, I'm glad I listened because I thought it was really good!

[Middleground]

CapM, on 03 May 2012 - 02:26 AM, said:

Others above mentioned the differing melodies and chord progressions throughout- that's certainly true, but it wasn't a problem for me. I dig stuff that doesn't fit the typical mold.

Yea, I have to agree.
Your vocals really are excellent, a pleasure to listen to.

[Theresa]

Hi Tammy
This is the first time I've listened to your voice. I love your unique sound..great job..

For some reason I kept wanting to hear " In the heart of your storm" repeated

Your voice just seems perfect for that line

Great job..I enjoyed it very much

Theresa

[Ironknee]

Hey there Tammy...a very nice write!! And you really have the Grace Slick thang going on very well. I love the mood to this. The music starts off with that slow and deliberate beat, which I think is perfect....only, when you reach the chorus(s) the music doesn't rise with any emotional intensity, as does your singing....that's my only nit. I think it is a fine Demo, and one which showcases your writing and singing nicely. Good job to you, Tammy, and all who were involved.
And my hat's off to all that are willing to lend a hand, when one is needed!!
-Tom

[Wolf Kier]

Hi, Tams.

Song number 2 of yours for me. Again lovely in so many ways. Melody, vocal performance, thrilling change up to the last chorus.

I agree with garrymc about the drum track - I thought the same about your last track so it might be something to really look into. There are loads of free brilliant loops online - http://www.looperman.com for example, and a little extra effort seeking them out will do your demos a world of good, until you get the band/production you deserve. but I'd also up the tempo maybe 5bpm, not more than 10 bpm. (would make a big difference)
and, for me, I thought you used 3 too many metaphors in the chorus. I'd keep it about lighting skies, and ditch the pointing ships, blazing trails and eyeing storms.... You're really just saying the same thing 3 different ways and because of the structure of the song (doing that 4 times), which is too much - for me. Maybe the poets here hear it different. A good study in this kind of theme in an inspirational ballad might be "wind beneath my wings" and certainly Jackson 5 "I'll be there" (bona fide classic songwriting). "I will light your sky" is a great visual image/message I'd embrace it, enhance it, and sell it.

The change is a bit long too, I agree, and not sufficient a "change" musically or lyrically, to really take you somewhere "else" before the return to the memorable chorus melody.

Thinking aloud. Hope this helps some.

wolf.

[Onewholovesrock]

Good song. I like your soothing vocals. Only one critique. Even if this is only a demo. This song would sound amazing with some vocal harmonies in the chorus's and bridge. I think it's a must. I was singing harmonies along with it while listening and I thought it sounded great. It wouldn't take you a few minutes to add them. It sounds good the way it is. But with a little extra work it would put this over the top. Good job!

[Ian Ferrin]

Hi Tammy,

Love it. That chorus is super. My only suggestion is to add some backing vocals. That could really kick this up a notch.

TamsNumber4, on 02 May 2012 - 01:20 PM, said:

(Please Note: This is NOT a literal song, it is not really about a ship and sailing, it is about finding a way to deal with problems and seeking whatever it is that gets you through troubled times, your own salvation or safe haven.)

Re. this comment, I'll just say I don't think comments like this are usually helpful. Songs are whatever the listener makes of them. Giving people listening rules can take away the enjoyment folks have in discovering your tune. My opinion of course, but I do think you're possibly not helping yourself. I think these lyrics are fine, but generally if lyrics are confusing, they need to be fixed, not explained. IMO, again, of course.

Anyway, this is a really strong tune. Congrats.

Peace,

Ian

[gerrybhoy]

Enjoyed the listen, a good song well performed.

[RobAsh15]

Tammy,

The first thing you have to know about me is that almost my entire reason for posting is out of respect for what I hear. There is so much here for the careful listener to appreciate. Pieces of this song are there. Taken as a whole, however, I think the tune needs more work. Production is clean enough and competent enough to serve, but the composition of the tune needs work.

At 2:23. when the bridge begins, this song is so cool, it sounds radio ready. Everything comes together... the guitar, the vocals... everything slides into synch and just sizzles. In fact, the entire second half of the song is noticeably better than the first half.

I feel as if an effort was made to very intentionally and very specifically give the parts of this song distinct emotional contexts. To do this is very ambitious, and as someone who also writes songs, I applaud the effort... I just feel it doesn't work in the first two verses and first chorus of this song.

The way the first half of the song is sung and played is lack-luster and far too low key. It fails to hold a listener's interest, and even in some instances sounds slightly off key.

ALL of these things I am saying about the first half of the song are, in relation to the total song and the talent of the performers, quite subtle things. This song does NOT contain any glaring major mistakes. I might not even point out at all what I hear in the first half of this tune if the song had a homogenous effect from beginning to end.. but the fact that is gets SO MUCH better at the bridge, and so shows so clearly the full potential of this tune means that, in order to be honest, I have to say something, because what I would want to see is the entire song get as solid as that bridge.

The lyrics are a bit too new age for my tastes, but I won't critique them because style and subject are strictly a matter of taste. The lyrics are written well, and are cohesive. Tammy, your singing is OFF THE CHI_ZART, girlfriend. You have a subtle, rich voice. You really have the kind of voice that could gain traction in a commercial milieu. The music bed is well done. All of the pieces of this song are 95% there, and the power seems just waiting to be unleashed in this composition. I like that the sound engineer left your voice pure, but I;d like to see some reverb added to deepen and add richness to your vocal, without adding a lot of "room" effect that would make you sound hollow or far away. The right reverb would really set your vocal off though, in my opinion.

Frankly, if this were mine, I consider this edition a road map, showing me what works and what doesn't in the song, and I'd go back to the studio and get back to work. As is, this song is a strong 75-80 percent there... but the part that is still missing is critical.

A great beginning, and I truly hope to hear a revised edition.

[Dannyk1]

Desertrose, on 02 May 2012 - 09:37 PM, said:

Hey Tammy, I really like this lyric and loved your vocal!

Hi Tracy,

There wasn't really any way I could go wrong writing the verses with such a great chorus to work around. The lyric started out with another verse but that got morphed into the bridge along with a couple of lines that Tammy came up with. I do know that we all have our different likes and dislikes when it comes to musical taste and appreciate that you would take the time to point out the good qualities in a song that is done in a style of music that you don't care much for. Her melody, vocal, and composition are stellar in my opinion. I have been working with Tammy now and then for a few years now and she just keeps pushing herself and gets better with every song. The first time we ever worked together she didn't even know how to play an instrument at all and posted all of her stuff acapella. Now, she plays the autoharp, the guitar, and ukulele. Plus a touch of music theory to boot. She has grown by leaps and bounds.

Thank you for your input,

Danny

[skingswell]

Tammy

As always your vocal is excellent and your harmonies work beautifully. Music did not grab me how it normally does

I found the first half of the song too repetivie. Now if this was my song, I'd drop the second verse and have a one or two line pre-chorus and then the chorus. The verses felt as though it needed a bit more work to really nail the melody but I thought overall this was a really good song.

Sarah

[DannyDep]

Hi Tammy,
This is lovely.
Very well written lyrically and such an uplifting story to tell.
My only nit is on the phrasing in a couple of places in the Chorus.

"before you run aground, I will set the sail"
If you could start that first phrase a little earlier so that the word before is not so rushed.

and
"In the heart of your storm, I will be the eye"
In the same way with the phrase "I will be".
Keep the same tempo in each word "I will be the eye"
Other than that, I love it.
nice job guys.

[ScenesFromPalacio]

Tammy...I thought the verse was so cool here -great changes...Unpredictable but totally works..Agree with Zeek that the 1st verse is sung best and also with Hobo that the part after that (in the 1st verse) would be better left out (musically speaking ) as it stops the monetum of the song..
A keyboard 'pad' line (like an organ ) as uncomplex n unchanging as possible notewise would really work on the chorus too to guide the listener thru the fast changes there
Enjoyed it..

[tidepool]

Tammy...

i think it's a beautiful song

your voice is perfect for this style

more production values couldn't hurt, but

the music, melody and text are all very strong

and your vocals resonates beautifully with the emotive

to me, "that is the song"

ev'rything else is just mixing and mastering

could use more of that, but mixers wanna re-mix ev'rything

Cheers!

P.S. Tammy, Danny i did notice you two are still collab'ing
what a great team you have become!!!

[hurtchow]

Hey there Tams. It's nice to hear a track with a full arrangement and production like this! If I'm not mistaken, this is a new avenue for your songs so here are some thoughts that I hope will be helpful... Try not to make the beat an afterthought. It's really what drives a track along and without much variation or dynamics it almost takes away from what its purpose is. I know your lyrics are sincere so it's the musician's job to play along to your voice and keep things tight and on track. All the best.

[Dannyk1]

Ironknee, on 03 May 2012 - 01:20 PM, said:

Good job to you, Tammy, and all who were involved.
And my hat's off to all that are willing to lend a hand, when one is needed!!
-Tom

Hi Tom,

Thank you for your compliments on the write and like I said before it was pretty easy to put verses to such a great chorus. I think Tammy out did herself with the melody, vocal, and chording of this one. It makes me proud to be a part of such a cool song.

Thanks again Tom,

Danny

[Jason Kalman]

Tams,
Beautiful Song. Loved the lyrics and the music. Not sure what software you use to record. I noticed the drums were off a little with the guitar and bass. If you can quantize or manually fix, that would help. If not no worries for a demo version. Gorgeous!
cheers,
Jason