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One Day, Two Hearts April song contest entry

#1 User is offline   Ironknee Icon

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Posted 21 April 2012 - 09:03 PM

There was an awesome bunch of songs in this April's Song contest.....I'm hoping that all will post thier songs..(just Jason's, "Waristan" and mine now)so that we can get some "feedback" on the rhymes and reasons.

I'm not sure if my song was ever posted here, before this contest......I joined the Muse very late last year! So here it is....I'm hoping that the other songs in the contest will post thier's here, as well. B) -Tom


“One Day, Two Hearts”
By Tom Tognaci

http://soundclick.co...cfm?id=10624668

One look,
One breath,
It’s how it all had begun
One heart,
One love,
No number as lonely as one
One wish,
One day,
Two hearts will beat as one

Be still,
Take care,
Spring smells sweet in the air
Your time,
Will come,
Enjoy the time taking you there
One wish,
One day,
Two hearts will beat as one

Be still my child…you’ve awoken
The green still colors your eyes
Your heart’s unbridled, nor broken
‘Till now it’s all been dreams and butterflies

One moon,
One sun,
A million stars hum along
One chorus,
One verse,
Heaven has now heard your song
One wish,
One day,
Two hearts will beat as one

#2 User is offline   Scotto Icon

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Posted 21 April 2012 - 11:19 PM

I love this. Very cool simple tune but not so simple when you break into all that is going on with it. I can't crit it cause I think you did what you wanted with it and it worked.

#3 User is offline   Wolf Kier Icon

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Posted 22 April 2012 - 02:34 AM

Really lovely, Tom.
I'm loving the folky vibe. Nothing I can add here.
Great job I enjoyed the listen. Perfect Sunday morning soundtrack.
wolf.

BTW why are there 2 threads for this song? Am I missing something?
wolf kier: http://wolfkier.bandcamp.com

#4 User is offline   Ironknee Icon

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Posted 22 April 2012 - 09:47 AM

-Hey there Scotto...............Thanks for the comment, Scotto!!

-And thank you, too, Wolf..................the second post was done inadvertantly :P

B) -Tom

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Posted 25 April 2012 - 12:42 AM

View PostIronknee, on 21 April 2012 - 07:03 PM, said:

There was an awesome bunch of songs in this April's Song contest.....I'm hoping that all will post thier songs..(just Jason's, "Waristan" and mine now)so that we can get some "feedback" on the rhymes and reasons.

I'm not sure if my song was ever posted here, before this contest......I joined the Muse very late last year! So here it is....I'm hoping that the other songs in the contest will post thier's here, as well. B) -Tom


“One Day, Two Hearts”
By Tom Tognaci

http://soundclick.co...cfm?id=10624668

One look,
One breath,
It’s how it all had begun
One heart,
One love,
No number as lonely as one
One wish,
One day,
Two hearts will beat as one

Be still,
Take care,
Spring smells sweet in the air
Your time,
Will come,
Enjoy the time taking you there
One wish,
One day,
Two hearts will beat as one

Be still my child…you’ve awoken
The green still colors your eyes
Your heart’s unbridled, nor broken
‘Till now it’s all been dreams and butterflies

One moon,
One sun,
A million stars hum along
One chorus,
One verse,
Heaven has now heard your song
One wish,
One day,
Two hearts will beat as one

Enoyed this song. Liked the harmonies. The kind of tune that stays with you. I thought v1 would have been more climatic if moved to the end.

#6 User is offline   Ian Ferrin Icon

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Posted 25 April 2012 - 09:31 AM

Really lovely little tune.

I like the tune. Very immediate sound. The sound is very effective.

The only thing I didn't like is the extraneous noise... especially at the beginning. I DON'T like that that noise is the first thing you hear.

Really nice tune. Really enjoyed it.

Peace,

Ian
"Hammers don't build houses. People build houses.

A hammer is just a tool. But it's a powerful tool" - me

#7 User is online   RickDieffenbach Icon

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Posted 25 April 2012 - 12:46 PM

Same as Ian ^^ except the starting noise.

Rick

#8 User is offline   Ironknee Icon

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Posted 25 April 2012 - 09:19 PM

"Enoyed this song. Liked the harmonies. The kind of tune that stays with you. I thought v1 would have been more climatic if moved to the end.".....Bernabby


Hi Bernabby, thanks for commenting!...........not so inclined with changing things around...but I appreciate your perspective. Thanks again!! B) -Tom

#9 User is offline   Ironknee Icon

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Posted 25 April 2012 - 09:33 PM

Hi Ian...thanks for the nice comments......I'm a beginner with regards to recording...and only decided to record myself because others wanted exhorbant sums of money for their time and recording prowess. I decided to record, out of a need to get my music out , and in a comprehensive manner. I just want to get my ideas out there....I wasn't really thinking about making super Demos....or super records. I just want good demo's of great writing.
(I've got a lot of work ahaed of me).
I am, slowly,cleaning things up, a bit. These comps are compelling me to, not only write better songs,....but to get the best recording, as possable (But in my heart of hearts,I still feel a better song is still far more stimulating than a great arrangement).
Thanks again, Ian!!
B) -Tom

#10 User is offline   Ironknee Icon

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Posted 25 April 2012 - 09:40 PM

View PostRickDieffenbach, on 25 April 2012 - 07:46 AM, said:

Same as Ian ^^ except the starting noise.

Rick


Hey there Rick...."Ditto" works fine by me!! :P
Thanks for commentiong! :) -Tom

#11 User is offline   gerrybhoy Icon

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Posted 26 April 2012 - 04:12 AM

Love the lyrics, the song is presented beautifully, very simple and effective, lovely backing vocals, a good listen, would benefit from tidying up the non musical content.
singerysongwritery type individual a natural born weegieburger and lover of black country dogs

#12 User is offline   Ironknee Icon

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Posted 27 April 2012 - 12:31 AM

View Postgerrybhoy, on 25 April 2012 - 11:12 PM, said:

Love the lyrics, the song is presented beautifully, very simple and effective, lovely backing vocals, a good listen, would benefit from tidying up the non musical content.

Hey there gerrybhoy.........thanks for the comments!! I'll be doing some editing on this!
B) -Tom

#13 User is offline   John Sophy Icon

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Posted 27 April 2012 - 08:03 AM

This is beautiful song. Great harmonies very much like simon and garfunkel. Nice song idea with the title of 2 hearts and the repeating on the lines.

#14 User is offline   porcupine Icon

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Posted 27 April 2012 - 07:33 PM

Beautiful song.

Harmonies are very "Teach your children well"-like, so if there was any crit I have, it sound very familiar. Not that its not original, but people will say...that sounds like.

I ok with the title, although it is a bit cliche'....If you keep the title, IMO you have to do something that distracts from that or attracts our attention elsewhere. The basic arrangement (except for vocals), keeps me waiting for something unique to happen.

For me, I do like the song because i LOVE great harmonies.

porcupine
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#15 User is offline   Desertrose Icon

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Posted 28 April 2012 - 01:40 AM

Such a sweet gentle melodic piece. The harmonies were beautiful and perfect for this.
I must admit, when I READ the "two hearts beat as one" it sounded cliche but like David said, when you listen it just seems right!
Enjoyed the listen Tom.
Tracy

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#16 User is offline   Ironknee Icon

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Posted 28 April 2012 - 09:27 AM

-Hey there HoboSage......thanks sooo much for commenting....I don't worry about cliche's, as long as they are used well, and in a fresh way. If it works really well, I just can't resist. Many times, in a draft, they are there, and are written out when I move forward to later drafts. I'm happy you like it :) Thanks again.............. B) -Tom


-And hey there John.........thanks for commenting......Thanks for comparing my stuff to S & G....they are one of my favorites!! Thanks again......... B) -Tom

#17 User is offline   Ironknee Icon

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Posted 28 April 2012 - 09:31 AM

View Postporcupine, on 27 April 2012 - 02:33 PM, said:

Beautiful song.

Harmonies are very "Teach your children well"-like, so if there was any crit I have, it sound very familiar. Not that its not original, but people will say...that sounds like.

I ok with the title, although it is a bit cliche'....If you keep the title, IMO you have to do something that distracts from that or attracts our attention elsewhere. The basic arrangement (except for vocals), keeps me waiting for something unique to happen.

For me, I do like the song because i LOVE great harmonies.

porcupine


Hey there Porc......I'm always trying for unique.........it's unique from me B)
Thanks for stopping by, and commenting!! -Tom

#18 User is offline   Ironknee Icon

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Posted 28 April 2012 - 09:37 AM

View PostDesertrose, on 27 April 2012 - 08:40 PM, said:

Such a sweet gentle melodic piece. The harmonies were beautiful and perfect for this.
I must admit, when I READ the "two hearts beat as one" it sounded cliche but like David said, when you listen it just seems right!
Enjoyed the listen Tom.


Thanks DesertRose.........So glad you liked the tune. This one came out, as I was in the middle of writting two others....just sorta popped out.....the lyric, although cliche, was just right.....I didn't think this an epic piece (as I do with most else :P ) and so I let the lyric stand.
Thanks again D............. B) -Tom

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Posted 02 May 2012 - 02:14 PM

So silly that yet again I'm sitting here listening to this song.

That is the life of a fan, this is on my i-pod and I play it all the time,

but I'll listen to it when the opportunity arises....

Tom knows I love it, and I haven't changed my mind.....

Tammy
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#20 User is offline   Ironknee Icon

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Posted 03 May 2012 - 01:48 PM

Thanks Tams for the encourgement!!! B) -Tom

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Posted 04 May 2012 - 10:44 AM

very nice - love it. No crits here

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Posted 04 May 2012 - 02:45 PM

Fantastic!
As mentioned sounds alot like a Simon & Garfunkel song, but I can also hear it as a Lennon / McCartney song.
Fantastic vocals...
Well done!

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Posted 05 May 2012 - 02:57 PM

Enjoyable song Tom..Creates a serene kinda mood i do like -especially with the short lines and reverby production with cool harmonies.. and the 'No number as lonely as one' vocal-line is really cool n obviously inspired - my favourite part of the song..
I was thinking to myself why- altho i can enjoy this and hear its well crafted -i can't really give myself to it and love it..I think that for all the good bits you've got here - all the main resolutions are a little too sugary n obvious for my taste..
Still the mid 8 'Be still my child you've awoken' is good natural phrasing -and i admire your simplicity chord-wise with the writing -searching to create something fresh n inspired there......
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#24 User is offline   Ironknee Icon

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Posted 07 May 2012 - 02:20 AM

-Thanks Daryl for stopping by!!

-And thank you, as well, Middleground.......The Beatles and S&G are two of my all time fav's


-And thank you too Steve....I wrote this for my 14 year old neice....and she is very sugary sweet!!

Thanks all B) -Tom
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