Posted 16 April 2012 - 08:08 PM
Thoughts on anything? (except the voice....)
Three. (Soundcloud audio)
©2012 Rick Dieffenbach
a new day, dawning
as daddy bakes
and mommy wakes
toys on his tray
he laughs out loud
a happy child
There was a time when all they knew was me and me
A morning stroll
is never old
With baby there
and mommy's care
There was a time when all they knew was just me and me
And then there were three...
Posted 16 April 2012 - 10:43 PM
I am searching for a way to say how much I liked this. You have a wonderful voice and style. The lyrics were natural and unaffected. I had a sense of John Lennon's Beautiful Boy tune. I don't recall hearing much of your stuff, but if this is an example, you are exceptionally talented. Ken
Posted 17 April 2012 - 10:16 AM
PS No more digs about your vocal. It's unique and on pitch.
Posted 20 April 2012 - 12:11 AM
This really is a lovely tune. All innocence and pure delight.
I really enjoyed, my only penny spent might be to change the last line to "three.... a family" or "three... this family".... or "my"....
Wow, my 4th track here today and I can see I'm in the company of some major talent! Glad I signed up for this.
Posted 20 April 2012 - 03:28 PM
Love the "There was a time when all they knew was me and me" line
Posted 20 April 2012 - 04:42 PM
You portray alot of emotional with what is a fairly unique and subtle voice. It's a nice song, its a nice melody, puts a grin on the face - which I am pretty sure is how you wanted it.
It is rather...short...which makes it sound more like the theme tune to a television programme rather than a song, so I guess you need to have a think what you want to do with it really. It's solid enough melodically to turn this into a longer song with something to fill the music up a little bit.
If you are not interested in doing that, then well done, I think you've done all you can in a minute
Posted 20 April 2012 - 07:35 PM
You definatly got a style! Love it man!
I like the dim chord after the first verse...cool nice lift, then theres a second one! good lifts man!
What I like about your writing is how simple it is lyrically but how big of a picture you paint! great man.
The violin thing is very cool, too
If there is anything I would improve its length. i wanted to hear more.
I am officially a fan of your stuff!!
#5 song on Onstage.com's Open for Bon Jovi in May of 2010 "Turn It Down"
recorded and produced songs with several grammy winners and nominees
songs writen have been recorded by The Standard, Wooden Nickel, Jody Stapler and Prototype
see more of my music at charlieeschbach.com
Posted 21 April 2012 - 04:36 PM
Seems like you could easily take a lot from this short 1min song to make a longer one:
The 1st verse sounds like a natural chorus to me and it would also give you other title possibilities; “Morning, Morning”, “Baby Wakes” if you needed an alternative to “Three”.
In the second verse to keep the format of the other verse I think you need a rhyme with “loud” in the next line, maybe:
“Chase away the clouds”
“Never felt so proud” or something.
Maybe “mum and me” in the break – as “me and me” sounds a bit strange.
Kind of ends a bit flat although I understand what you are trying to do with ending on your hook – why not bring back that excellent 1st verse (chorus!) again here!
Look forward to hearing a longer version!