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Three.

#1 User is offline   RickDieffenbach Icon

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Posted 16 April 2012 - 08:08 PM

This song was done in response to a challenge on the Harmony Song Board to write a song under 1 min 30 sec. I wrote a kids song.

Thoughts on anything? (except the voice....)


Three. (Soundcloud audio)
©2012 Rick Dieffenbach

Morning, morning
a new day, dawning
as daddy bakes
and mommy wakes

baby plays
toys on his tray
he laughs out loud
a happy child

There was a time when all they knew was me and me

A morning stroll
is never old
With baby there
and mommy's care

There was a time when all they knew was just me and me
And then there were three...
three...
a family

#2 User is offline   Kenneth Bradshaw Icon

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Posted 16 April 2012 - 10:43 PM

Rick,

I am searching for a way to say how much I liked this. You have a wonderful voice and style. The lyrics were natural and unaffected. I had a sense of John Lennon's Beautiful Boy tune. I don't recall hearing much of your stuff, but if this is an example, you are exceptionally talented. Ken

#3 User is offline   Tommy Wayne Icon

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Posted 17 April 2012 - 06:47 AM

Rick - You nailed it! I love it and your vocals are perfect for this kids song. You may want to consider adding to it now that you met the 1 minute 30 sec goal.
Tommy

#4 User is offline   Ironknee Icon

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Posted 17 April 2012 - 09:31 AM

Hey there Rick................a solid tune!! And I liked it very much.......good vocal, as usual.....not much to crit...lovely piece of writing B) -Tom

#5 User is online   Zeek Icon

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Posted 17 April 2012 - 10:16 AM

Great groove n vibe. I'd make it a full tune. After the drum break I'd add another layer of instrumentation...maybe an acoustic to solidify that waltzy vibe.

Nice work.

Zeek

PS No more digs about your vocal. It's unique and on pitch.

#6 User is offline   Wolf Kier Icon

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Posted 20 April 2012 - 12:11 AM

Hi Rick,

This really is a lovely tune. All innocence and pure delight.
I really enjoyed, my only penny spent might be to change the last line to "three.... a family" or "three... this family".... or "my"....
Wow, my 4th track here today and I can see I'm in the company of some major talent! Glad I signed up for this.

wolf.

#7 User is offline   ScenesFromPalacio Icon

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Posted 20 April 2012 - 03:28 PM

Its a beautiful little heartfelt tune Rick..Happy n sunny, but underpinned with a sadness thats genuinelly touching ..
Love the "There was a time when all they knew was me and me" line
Lovely

#8 User is offline   garymc Icon

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Posted 20 April 2012 - 04:42 PM

Hey Rick

You portray alot of emotional with what is a fairly unique and subtle voice. It's a nice song, its a nice melody, puts a grin on the face - which I am pretty sure is how you wanted it.

It is rather...short...which makes it sound more like the theme tune to a television programme rather than a song, so I guess you need to have a think what you want to do with it really. It's solid enough melodically to turn this into a longer song with something to fill the music up a little bit.

If you are not interested in doing that, then well done, I think you've done all you can in a minute :lol:

Cheers
Gary

#9 User is offline   porcupine Icon

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Posted 20 April 2012 - 07:35 PM

Rick!

You definatly got a style! Love it man!
I like the dim chord after the first verse...cool nice lift, then theres a second one! good lifts man!

What I like about your writing is how simple it is lyrically but how big of a picture you paint! great man.

The violin thing is very cool, too

If there is anything I would improve its length. i wanted to hear more. :(

I am officially a fan of your stuff!!
Porcupine
#1 song on Onstage.com's Holiday Playlist in Nov 2011 "Could This Be Christmas"
#5 song on Onstage.com's Open for Bon Jovi in May of 2010 "Turn It Down"
recorded and produced songs with several grammy winners and nominees
songs writen have been recorded by The Standard, Wooden Nickel, Jody Stapler and Prototype
see more of my music at charlieeschbach.com

#10 User is offline   AndyLeF Icon

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Posted 21 April 2012 - 04:36 PM

Warm inviting sound to this song AND vocal delivery Rick!

Seems like you could easily take a lot from this short 1min song to make a longer one:
The 1st verse sounds like a natural chorus to me and it would also give you other title possibilities; “Morning, Morning”, “Baby Wakes” if you needed an alternative to “Three”.

In the second verse to keep the format of the other verse I think you need a rhyme with “loud” in the next line, maybe:
“Chase away the clouds”
“Never felt so proud” or something.

Maybe “mum and me” in the break – as “me and me” sounds a bit strange.

Kind of ends a bit flat although I understand what you are trying to do with ending on your hook – why not bring back that excellent 1st verse (chorus!) again here!

Look forward to hearing a longer version!

Andy
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TO A POET A THOUSAND YEARS HENCE - James Elroy Flecker (1884-1915)
"I who am dead a thousand years, and wrote this sweet archaic song,
Send you my words for messengers..."

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