[Onewholovesrock]

Hopefully I'm doing this right. My first song post. Song sounds pretty good with headphones on laptop or with decent speaker. Laptop alone sounds like a tin can. I wouldn't even bother. I was a hard rocker most of my life but I suck at recording that kind of music. lol. So I mainly do acoustic stuff in my bedroom for fun as a hobby. This is an acoustic guitar/vocal track with a table used for my drum beat. No bass. Any critiques are welcome and much appreciated. I'm here to be a better songwriter.

http://violetto.band...ck/burning-tire

Burning Tire:

Liquid fire you're so tasty
I think I've been drinkin too much lately
But it keeps me warm inside and I like it

Look it that little sweet little lady
She's born and bred to make me crazy
Suffocation I cannot breathe someone save me

She's got me so so so wired
She's burning like a burning tire

Suck it in your not my sin girl
Burning boat it sinks within
Stumble down to the life raft of your life now

Inside out I'm just to lazy
Broken head your magnetic crazy
Stick to me static cling of lately

She makes me so so so tired
She's burning like a burning fire
She's got me so so so wired
She's burning like a burning tire

Broken heart from this nightmare
Broken dreams I'm headed nowhere
Lost down this road called life I can't
Find my! Way out! Of here! Can't get! Outta here!

She makes me so so so tired
She's burning like a burning fire
She's got me so so so wired
She's burning like a burning tire

[RickDieffenbach]

This is terrific. Love the groove. The chorus stands out.

I wish I had something intelligent to suggest for improvement.

Rick

[Desertrose]

Nice groove. You play the table well.
Vocals are well suited to this (though I worry for your vocal cords, lol!)
There was a suitable change brought in after the second chorus to stop it from becoming too repetitive.
I really like the feel of it overall and can imagine it all dressed up with a whole band, but it's equally good done acoustically as you have done.
I'm not so taken by some of the lyrics.
Are you talking about a woman or a car?
Your thoughts seem to meander in the lyric. You start off by talking about drinking, then you talk about a woman (metaphorically?) then we're onto burning tires but further on in you bring in the element of water and boats.
Would be better (I feel) if it could all tie in together with the same kind of theme?
You also have quite a bit of repetition of words that you COULD spend some more time on I reckon

[Tommy Wayne]

i really like it, my foot was tapping the whole song, great beat. I would be proud of this first song post.

[Ironknee]

Hey there.........Very interesting tune.....very original. I especially enjoy the chorus.....and the harmony, in particular. Good song, man!! -Tom


Oh....how about.."Smoking like a burning tire"

[Zeek]

Vocal sounds strained in the verses. I'm sure some of that is your style of singing but let the groove come vocally in the verses and don't force it or try to "sound" like something you're not when singing it.

The chorus was totally the opposite. I want more of that in the verses, with harmony here and there. The vocal was perfect for the chorus and the harmony was nice. Gave it a Rolling Stones feel which I dig. Build on that.

Nice start and welcome.

Zeek

[Wolf Kier]

Hey,

I see you're new too. I'm digging the vibe on this track, brilliant evocative grab you by the throat intro, tasty unique vocal approach, nice group chorus, engaging change....

For what it's worth, I'd lift the lead vocal a tad and maybe add some chorus to thicken it up a little so its more "in your face" and ominous.... right now it's growly and interesting but needs a little more "presence and depth and width" (for my ears)

and the only other thing is that there might be a last verse where you expand the idea a little... um... what I mean is.... you've told me what she's like, and how she makes you feel, but no one's really doing anything about it... and so there's a stalemate, which you mention in the change:

Broken heart from this nightmare
Broken dreams I'm headed nowhere
Lost down this road called life I can't
Find my! Way out! Of here! Can't get! Outta here!

The stalemate is frustrating, and the singer and now for the listener...

but the singer's had time to mull this situation over, indeed has been driven to share the experience, that he's lived (and I hope lived through)...

I'm wondering if you might add a whole new dimension by bringing what will (or might or should or could) happen into your song?

old school badass/blues style would buy a gun, hire a lawyer, catch a train, throw her out, find another, take a stand, etc....push the issue... bring drama and (some) resolution to the ominous situation suggested by the opening mood.

Just a suggestion. Thinking aloud.

Still, enjoyed muchly and looking forward to more.

wolf.

[Amy Caroline]

Great stuff! I agree with a lot of what people say above. Your vocals are a bit strained in the verses, but amazing in the chorus; although this does add to the diversity of the song. Its very creative, never get bored, could listen to it again and again. Maybe change "burning like a burning tire" - a bit repetitive. "smoking like a burning tire" would sound very cool! Anyway, I really enjoyed the listen. Glad you posted!

[Onewholovesrock]

Rick-Thank you!

Desertrose- A woman. Lol. The lyrics actually tie all together (at least in my mind) It's about a bad relationship living with someone burning with rage. Liquid fire (wiskey) starts the songs fire theme. I drink to ease the pain I'm going through living with a girl who seems sweet on the outside but not so much on the inside. Burning tire describes her rage. Sometimes its smoldering, sometimes its blazing. Burning boat it sinks within describes her life burning up inside of her. Plus it keeps to the fire theme. The life raft of your life now describes her needing to find the help she needs to survive her mental illness. I could go more into detail, but I hope that makes the lyrics a little more understandable. Thanks.

Tommy-Thank you!
Ironknee-Thank you!

Zeek- Yeah I was going for a certain vocal sound. Something to make it a bit different, rough sounding. Thank you!

Wolf Kier- Nice critique! It seems you figured out my lyrics for the most part. This is based on a true story. There has been no resolution unfortunatly. So maybe in the future if it ever happens I can add a happy ending to the song. Thanks

Amy-Thank you!


Thanks everyone for all your comments. Much appreciated!

[ScenesFromPalacio]

Nice swampy vibe you've created here....I kinda agree with Zeek about the voice on the verse..The gargling glass 'Tom Waits' vibe sounds a little bit put on there for me..
I think the excellent very first lead line you do on the Di'd acoustic (about 14 secs) would be good repeated imbetween the phrases in the verse..
A high harmony 'd work well on the choruses too
Atmospheric track..Nice one

[garymc]

Hey bud

The chorus on this song is by far and away the best bit. I must be honest, I don't really dig the verses too much and not just because the way your singing it, there's no real variation apart from the repeat in the last line and you kind of listen to get it out of the way to get to the big chorus.

The harmonies are excellent in the chorus, and the overall groove of the song is enjoyable, just think you need a verse to match and you have yourself a great song. Good first post fella, will be keeping my eye on your tunes...

Cheers
Gary

[porcupine]

This is the first song of yours...welcome by the way
all the things i say are just opinions...
The vibe is the biggest pull in to this song, the chorus is good too. a little collective soul - ish.
You vocal is very unique. Im not too sure if its on purpose for the song or if thats your singing voice. but it is unique

things I would consider

The lyrics, like you say, in you mind make sense...I have alot of those...LOL. Im also not sure of what the main subject is in the song. I would have liked to seen in focus on one thing (a woman or drinking, whatever)

i like Iron Knees idea of "smoking tire", lots of play on words that way. again not sure about burning tire except the smell it gives off...smoking tire has alot of room to work off of.

Really great first post! keep em coming!!

Porcupine