[porcupine]

Hey all,

Got a chance to record another song. Looking for ideas before re-recording. Lyrics/sturcture...anything. The vocals are a little low in the mix. This will be re-recorded a bit heavier, so just keep that in mind.
There's a section for a solo (not sure if we'll put one in)

sweet laura

Sweet Laura
Charlie Eschbach, BMI 2011

Didn't mean to shoot you down, these things I gotta do
don't need you hanging round but not to say that we're through
she thinks that she can tell if we've been on the sly
jealousy's sweet tounge voice has got her asking why

can't she see, you mean nothing to me
or so I say...

Sweet Laura
Sweet Laura
Sweet Laura
would you think she'd understand
Sweet Laura
Sweet Laura
No No No
Sweet Laura don't take me my the hand

Didn't mean to put you out, the things I gotta do
Don't know what you're about or what you're going through
she thinks that she can tell if we've been on the sly
Jealousy's sweet tounge voice has got her asking why

can't she see, you mean nothing to me
or so I say...

Sweet Laura
Sweet Laura
Sweet Laura
would you think she'd understand
Sweet Laura
Sweet Laura
No No No
Sweet Laura don't take me my the hand

Sweet Laura
Sweet Laura
Sweet Laura
would you think she'd understand
Sweet Laura
Sweet Laura
No No No
Sweet Laura No, don't take me my the hand
Sweet Laura
Sweet Laura
Sweet Laura

[Ironknee]

Great sound Porc......need to bring the vocals up in this mix!! Your vocals are teriffic.......just read your post OK, you know about the vocals!

.............Now, all you need is a little cutie to grace your video. Could be a hit -Tom

[RickDieffenbach]

Hi Porc,

Packed full of hi intensity energy. This is a song that will punch out on the radio, and have the people in the car bobbing their heads.

But...the one thing that caught my ear was melody for the line:

"would you think she'd understand"

...The note on the word "stand". I can't quite put my finger on it, but it somehow doesn't carry it's weight. It's almost like it's flat - and I am not referring to pitch. But to "punch".

The surrounding melody is excellent, it's just that one note doesn't support the energy of the chorus like I think I could.

Just a thought.

Rick

[ScenesFromPalacio]

Think this is a cool track Charlie-I love the edginess of the vibe..Great vocal performance -and if its just you doing all the drums in midi etc you've managed to create a great energy n intensity with the sound.. The way you rise the vocal on the 'SHOOT you down' is sooo cool- and my favourite part of the song
The way it was constructed was good and its obviously extremely catchy..
For me (if i was being picky ) i wanted something abit more inspired or tense/musically suprising imbetween the 'sweet Laura' chorus bits (middle n end of chorus )..But i know thats just my personal taste -What you've got is fine-and maybe for the average listener they'd prefer it the way you've got it..

[Onewholovesrock]

Great Tune! Very catchy. In my opinion I would love to hear some lead on the part you left open for a solo. That would be awesome. Also I like the ending but I might like it more if the song ended after the very last "take me by the hand" Just an opinion. I noticed you wrote "take me MY the hand" in your lyrics. I think just a typo? Again, Great song.

[AudioProUK]

You have`t given up your publishing rights to BMI inc have you ?

[Madison]

Hey Charlie,

This is really good. You have a lovely voice and I loved the song. I liked the drum beat too. I have a set of drums myself, just need to learn to play them one day!

Good luck with this song, I could easily imagine listening to this on the radio and maybe I could grace your video lol (just kidding!)

Annette

[TamsNumber4]

Charlie,

Very catchy and great song. I picked up on what Rick mentioned, I also feel like if "Understand" ended on a more powerful note, it would

keep the flow going, but that is just my opinion, other than that, this is a very good song.

Tammy

[RobAsh15]

Very cool tune.

Voc's need to come up, as has been said by others. but I also think they sound a bit hollow. Bring up the warmth and try to bring them into the same room as the instrumentation if you can. But the lyrics are catchy, the singing is great, and the song really has a lot of energy.

Looking forward to hearing a more finished version.

[porcupine]

Ironknee:
Thanks for the kind words. I knew when we orginally recorded it, it was a quick mix and the vox were down. If you find a "cutie"....LOL

Rick:
I agree with the word understand...I have an idea to go up there and change the harmony. Good job noticing that, appreciate it.

ScenesFromPalacio: thanks for the compliment on the edgy vibe. this is a hard as I get...LOL, still put the porcupine hook in there somewhere..'sweet Laura' chorus bits, yeah, we'll see how the new producer runs this one. Gonna be interesting.

Onewholovesrock: Yeah the "lead" may be added. Somehow alot of modern heavy music doesnt have a traditional "solo" in it, so Im not sure what is gonna happen there. "take me MY the hand" was a typo..lol

AudioProUK: NOPE. Havent signed anything yet. Im suspecting that the publisher may ask for it.

Madison: Thank you for the compliments, espectially on my voice. Its the thing Im most self-conscious about. You'll be the first I call for the Video

TamsNumber4: Working on the "understand" part". Thanks again for the listen and the compliments

RobAsh15: This was recorded direct to digital. We normally record through 2" then drop it in saw studio, that'll be the next leg, so I agree with the "hollow sound"Thanks for the comment on my vocals. I ve heard alot of your stuff, it really a compliment to hear it from you. You got some good stuff.

Thanks Everyone!
porcupine

[AudioProUK]

porcupine, on 15 April 2012 - 06:51 PM, said:

Ironknee:
Thanks for the kind words. I knew when we orginally recorded it, it was a quick mix and the vox were down. If you find a "cutie"....LOL

Rick:
I agree with the word understand...I have an idea to go up there and change the harmony. Good job noticing that, appreciate it.

ScenesFromPalacio: thanks for the compliment on the edgy vibe. this is a hard as I get...LOL, still put the porcupine hook in there somewhere..'sweet Laura' chorus bits, yeah, we'll see how the new producer runs this one. Gonna be interesting.

Onewholovesrock: Yeah the "lead" may be added. Somehow alot of modern heavy music doesnt have a traditional "solo" in it, so Im not sure what is gonna happen there. "take me MY the hand" was a typo..lol

AudioProUK: NOPE. Havent signed anything yet. Im suspecting that the publisher may ask for it.

Madison: Thank you for the compliments, espectially on my voice. Its the thing Im most self-conscious about. You'll be the first I call for the Video

TamsNumber4: Working on the "understand" part". Thanks again for the listen and the compliments

RobAsh15: This was recorded direct to digital. We normally record through 2" then drop it in saw studio, that'll be the next leg, so I agree with the "hollow sound"Thanks for the comment on my vocals. I ve heard alot of your stuff, it really a compliment to hear it from you. You got some good stuff.

Thanks Everyone!
porcupine

Hey ,
Yeah they will def want the 50% publishing share , and the artist will take around 30% unless you can get them to do it for a flat fee, just make sure it`s worth it ! You have a great song there , look into self publishing before giving it all away ! I`ve had some pretty bad experiences with people getting hammered with big publishing companies when i ran my studio. Just err on the side of caution bro

Good luck with it mate
Dave

[Roger]

Quote

Hey ,
Yeah they will def want the 50% publishing share , and the artist will take around 30% unless you can get them to do it for a flat fee, just make sure it`s worth it ! You have a great song there , look into self publishing before giving it all away ! I`ve had some pretty bad experiences with people getting hammered with big publishing companies when i ran my studio. Just err on the side of caution bro

I'm trying to decipher what was meant here, but it doesn't make sense to me. BMI is a performing rights organization, not a publisher, and they don't "want" 50% publishing on anything. All BMI does is collect the performance royalties for both the songwriter and publisher share of songs that earn them. As for an artist taking "around 30%", again I'm not sure what you mean - having done this for a living since 1985, I've never had any artist who has recorded my songs take anything.
If you sign a deal with a company to publish your songs as an exclusive writer, or if you sign a single-song contract, then yes they take the publisher share in return for handling the administration, collecting & paying you the mechanical royalties, probably paying for demos, pitching the song(s), etc. Being self-published is certainly an option and many writers are, but there are limitations and drawbacks to doing so, just as there are for being a staff writer for a publisher.

[AudioProUK]

Roger, on 15 April 2012 - 08:47 PM, said:

Quote

Hey ,
Yeah they will def want the 50% publishing share , and the artist will take around 30% unless you can get them to do it for a flat fee, just make sure it`s worth it ! You have a great song there , look into self publishing before giving it all away ! I`ve had some pretty bad experiences with people getting hammered with big publishing companies when i ran my studio. Just err on the side of caution bro

I'm trying to decipher what was meant here, but it doesn't make sense to me. BMI is a performing rights organization, not a publisher, and they don't "want" 50% publishing on anything. All BMI does is collect the performance royalties for both the songwriter and publisher share of songs that earn them. As for an artist taking "around 30%", again I'm not sure what you mean - having done this for a living since 1985, I've never had any artist who has recorded my songs take anything.
If you sign a deal with a company to publish your songs as an exclusive writer, or if you sign a single-song contract, then yes they take the publisher share in return for handling the administration, collecting & paying you the mechanical royalties, probably paying for demos, pitching the song(s), etc. Being self-published is certainly an option and many writers are, but there are limitations and drawbacks to doing so, just as there are for being a staff writer for a publisher.

Yeah thats why I said to check it out well . If BMI isnt a publishing company then they wont take anything unless they charges fee for their services . I dont know BMI personally i`m in the UK and havent looked into them fully.

Porcupine . Legally a song is split in 2 , no matter what . 50% writers share , 50% publishing share. If you choose to use a publishing company then they will take the publishing share and you will keep the writting share. Its jut the way it is. I wasnt trying to stir anything up , just mainly advising you to really look after the song as its great ! There are benefits to self publishing i.e. you keep 100% of the royalties , but you will need to promote and distribute the song yourself . Sorry if i spoke out of turn .

Anyway sorry to go off topic.

[Jason Kalman]

Porc,
I thought this was another solid track. I loved the vibe, fun and rockin! Had a late 70s early 80s sound....like My Sharona by The Knack. Just a couple of things I felt could be addressed. Melodically, I thought the song was a bit choppy. The melodic lines could be fleshed out a little bit more in spots. I did like the chorus a lot. From the production side, you are so solid, no issues whatsoever.
Great Job!
Jay

[R-N-R Jim]

porcupine, on 14 April 2012 - 04:59 PM, said:

Hey all,

Got a chance to record another song. Looking for ideas before re-recording. Lyrics/sturcture...anything. The vocals are a little low in the mix. This will be re-recorded a bit heavier, so just keep that in mind.
There's a section for a solo (not sure if we'll put one in)

sweet laura

Sweet Laura
Charlie Eschbach, BMI 2011

Didn't mean to shoot you down, these things I gotta do Maybe "let you down" ..sings better? and you seem tongue tied singing "these things"
don't need you hanging round but not to say that we're through I think at this tempo, these lines seem to mush out an are not understandable.
she thinks that she can tell if we've been on the sly Same here with "she thinks that she needs" is a mouth full to spit out at this tempo.
jealousy's sweet tounge voice has got her asking why

can't she see, you mean nothing to me
or so I say...

Sweet Laura
Sweet Laura
Sweet Laura
would you think she'd understand
Sweet Laura
Sweet Laura
No No No
Sweet Laura don't take me my the hand The chorus is catchy.

Didn't mean to put you out, the things I gotta do
Don't know what you're about or what you're going through
she thinks that she can tell if we've been on the sly
Jealousy's sweet tounge voice has got her asking why

can't she see, you mean nothing to me
or so I say...

Sweet Laura
Sweet Laura
Sweet Laura
would you think she'd understand
Sweet Laura
Sweet Laura
No No No
Sweet Laura don't take me my the hand

Sweet Laura
Sweet Laura
Sweet Laura
would you think she'd understand
Sweet Laura
Sweet Laura
No No No
Sweet Laura No, don't take me my the hand
Sweet Laura
Sweet Laura
Sweet Laura

Ending could have been chopped by 30 seconds.
Hi Porcupine

The melody and arranging were really good here. The lyrics subject wise was okay and didn't take away from the song. But the choice of words for the verses made the phrasing difficult to make out in the song. Again, I listen to songs first before I even read the lyrics as to give it the radio test and my ears couldn't make out the verses due to the words being sung at the tempo they were sung at. As a test, maybe have one of your music buddies sing along with the song and see how hard the verses are to articulate at this tempo.

just my two cents worth
R-N-R Jim

[Wolf Kier]

ok, let's see, song number 3 of yours.
Delighted to hear such a lovely production. Came to this party late so there's nothing much I can add to the panel of judges above,

For my part, I'd think about some lyrics in the change section.... something saucy/provocative "here she comes, I sweat at night, The girl's too much".... crap like that... to build up some excitement and exploit the ascending scale there before POW back into that really big catchy hook of a chorus....

anyway, I'm a fan.

wolf.

[Scotto]

This is very good. As always a very nicely produced song. Vocal up a touch in the verses a little maybe. I thought this rocked...

[porcupine]

Scotto! Thanks for the kind words!

Wolf!
Tanks for the advice, Im looking into slightly different lyrics anyway...Thanks for the compliment!

RNR JIM: We seem to hear alot of the same things. I definately agree on 99.99% of what you said. Im working on revamping the lyrics to make it clearer and easier to sing, Its amazing what we learn over the years. you 2 cents is well worth 5

Jason!
Thanks for the compliment on the production. The drummer was great to work with on that song, a real pro and he hit them hard, got great gain and tone man! dig it! I have a feeling the melody and lyrics will be changed a bit to fit better, so I do hear ya! thanks Jason

Porcupine