Muse's Muse Songwriting Message Board: Where were you ? - Muse's Muse Songwriting Message Board

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Where were you ? A song for people that grew up without a mother

#1 User is offline   AudioProUK Icon

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 02:41 PM

Ok , this one was a tough one for me to sing . Its a song about growing up with a mother that left when you were an early age and hasnt been there since , IT IS A WORK IN PROGRESS so be ready for an abrupt end ..lol . Its just what i came with today so excuse the really poor guitar solos and the iffy mix , i`ll work on those ones i`m happy with the structure. Just thought i`d share what i have so far .

http://www.soundclic...d=11561922&q=hi

Where were you

where were you
when i needed you
where were you
all along
you know i did this on my own
some times i got wrong
but where were you , where were you.

where were you
when i fell apon me knees
where were you
when i was caught up in the breeze
i never wanted you to go
did I do wrong, i`ll never know
oh where were you , where were you.

cos I`ve been here all along
trying to figure out just what went wrong
did you ever feel the same
am i alone in my pain
where were yooooooou ?

where were you
when i just needed somebody to hold
where were you
when all i had was just my soul
well now i made it on my own
you missed it all, those times are gone
where were you, where were you

where were you
were you thinking of me too
where were you
was i just something you use to do
did i hurt you so bad
that you had to leave me feeling sad
where were you, where were you

Enjoy.

#2 Guest_Gravity Jim_*

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 03:02 PM

Nice production: very Alan Parsons-y "Dark SIde"-ish. Are you the singer? A solid vocal, for sure.

I can hear this used in TV. The song might be a little melodramatic for my own listening tastes: I can't listen to The Wall, either (except for "Comfortably Numb"). :D But that doesn't mean it wouldn't work great in a lot of music-for-picture applications.

Justa couple of lyric nits, perhaps. The rushed scansion of "trying to figure out just what went wrong" sort of jars me out of the dream, here. ALso, "caught up in the breeze" doesn't sound like a bad thing... maybe something else in the breeze.

#3 User is offline   AudioProUK Icon

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 03:08 PM

View PostGravity Jim, on 09 April 2012 - 03:02 PM, said:

Nice production: very Alan Parsons-y "Dark SIde"-ish. Are you the singer? A solid vocal, for sure.

I can hear this used in TV. The song might be a little melodramatic for my own listening tastes: I can't listen to The Wall, either (except for "Comfortably Numb"). :D But that doesn't mean it wouldn't work great in a lot of music-for-picture applications.

Justa couple of lyric nits, perhaps. The rushed scansion of "trying to figure out just what went wrong" sort of jars me out of the dream, here. ALso, "caught up in the breeze" doesn't sound like a bad thing... maybe something else in the breeze.

Hi Jim .
Many thanks for the kind words . I`m a massive floyd fan lol . Yes its my vocal . Found it a bit hard to sing just due to the emotion of it . Its a subject i`ve been trying to comprehend for many years . Hey ho. Thanks for the suggestions regarding the lyrics i`ll take them on board and have a work around with them.

Cheers
Dave

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 03:26 PM

Well...although I was never a fan of Floyd (more Zep) I did appreciate the songwriting and David Gilmour's playing. I dunno Jim...it's not grabbing me. The beat/groove feels wrong to me, like the snare needs to be in a different spot throughout. Could be just me...

Vocal is totally cool and fits the mood of the song. If you hadn't let me know this was about growing up w/o a mother, I would have thought it was about just another girl. I think the lyric needs less vagueness in that respect. A bit less generic.

I was looking for more cool chord changes--something to make it stand out. Was looking for a chord change on all ALONG.

My 2...

Zeek

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 03:33 PM

View PostZeek, on 09 April 2012 - 03:26 PM, said:

Well...although I was never a fan of Floyd (more Zep) I did appreciate the songwriting and David Gilmour's playing. I dunno Jim...it's not grabbing me. The beat/groove feels wrong to me, like the snare needs to be in a different spot throughout. Could be just me...

Vocal is totally cool and fits the mood of the song. If you hadn't let me know this was about growing up w/o a mother, I would have thought it was about just another girl. I think the lyric needs less vagueness in that respect. A bit less generic.

I was looking for more cool chord changes--something to make it stand out. Was looking for a chord change on all ALONG.

My 2...

Zeek


The percussion isnt done ..lol ..just a groove track . its got a delay on the snare thats it. I`ll wrote a proper rytham track when i`ve done the rest i always do that last . well just before the final vocal take.

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 05:36 PM

Hi Dave,
The emotion of the song is front and center.
Well done.

As i was listening I found just one odd off meter line, at least to my ears.
"trying to figure out just what went wrong"
What if you were to rhythmically make in in line with the rest of the verse with,
"Asking questions, what went wrong"
Looking forward to the finished product. :)
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Posted 09 April 2012 - 11:24 PM

I love this!
Those "yooooooou's" gave me goosebumps!

Love the feel....LOVE the vocals....I really like it just as it is (except the cut off ending of course) but I can see some minor tweaks here and there could improve it perhaps?

I kind of like the vague-ness of the lyric.
I was actually thinking of someone very close to me who grew up with (but mostly without) a mother who had Schizophrenia . I bet she could relate to this lyric.

Good stuff Dave!

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Posted 10 April 2012 - 04:46 AM

Audio,

I've heard of the 5th Beatle, are you the 5th member of the Floyd?

I don't have that same emotional experience with my mom, so I am in a good position to judge the song as part of that demographic.

You crafted this so that it could be applied to any situation. Wife, husband, friend, business associate, mom, dad. It all works.

I am a fan of the Floyd too. And I have taken a couple of my songs and felt like I was honoring them by giving them a PF feel. (Never as well done as yours however...) But the question that comes to mind is this: what could you do to this song (even if just in the mix), to make it sound just a little bit less of them and more of you? Just a thought.

But getting back to the song, you nailed it. 10/10.

Rick

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Posted 10 April 2012 - 07:03 AM

Hi guys
Thanks for the great comments , I did try to leave the lyric open to interpretation , as Rick says it could be about anyone , its just that in my case its my mother . I think if I had written it specifically about a mother and a son then it wouldn`t work for other people as much . I`m sure we all have felt the pain of failed relationships in some manner. Its the first time in 32 years I`ve been able to write about it not for the want of trying i hasten to add. Anyway lets see where this takes me today . Many thanks again guys !!

Dave

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Posted 10 April 2012 - 09:20 PM

hey there!

I believe this is the first song of yours I've heard. I played keys in a pink floyd tribute band a while back, so I get it! Definately the pink floyd vibe, especially the short quick tremelo's on guitar. The minor 6th is a dead ringer too.

Here are my considerations: I would've liked to here a double time drum thing during the solo, giving it some energy. The snare feels a bit off at the beginning, not sure if it was on purpose though. Just a little key pad behind the guitar solo my help too.

all in all, a GREAT GREAT vibe and connects well emotionally. I know about some subject being rough to sing about. It drains you. Great job!

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 01:59 AM

Hey there Audio...............I really, really dig this......Dig the pink floyd feel.....I think you could bring the vocals up in the mix. I think that would bring the sound up a little closer and more personal!
Great stuff, Dave! B) -Tom
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Posted 12 April 2012 - 07:40 AM

Thank you everyone much apreciated . I`m nearly there with this now . Just working out an ending for it and i`ll post the final vesion .

Thanks again all !!

Dave

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 06:27 PM

Dave,

Sounds great to me. I also think that a lyric that can be applied to many situations will appeal to more folks.

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Posted 24 April 2012 - 12:52 PM

Dave,
You can't beat reality for a song topic. This just throbs with pain. This is why I listen to music. For that glimpse into someone's heart.
Well done.
Tom

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Posted 24 April 2012 - 05:57 PM

You can really feel the emotion n honesty in this Dave..Very Pink Floyd as has been mentioned-but its really well done -dramatic,sad,cathartic n engaging..Cool bluesy vocal line totally suiting the lyric too with a good flow..
The repetition of the 'Where were you' ? is excellent and gives it an instantly strong character
Very cool track dude..

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Posted 27 April 2012 - 08:10 AM

i really like this song. Love the beginning guitar sound its very hypnotic. It reminds me of pink fylod with a touch of echo like the steve miller song fly like an eagle. Being that I am almost 50 this is the type of sounding music I grew up with. Nice job.

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