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April Lyric Contest Submit your scores.

#1 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 02 April 2012 - 05:16 PM

The April Lyric Contest is now open for entries scoring.


See the last post in this thread for scoring details.




The standard rules apply (you can read them in full here) but, in short, they are:

- Send your lyric to me (Neal K) by Private Message before the end of Wednesday, April 11
- You must have 25 posts to enter
- Lyrics must not have been posted on the Muse as a lyric or a song.
- The first version of the lyric you send WILL BE THE ONLY VERSION THAT I POST. No changes are allowed after a lyric is posted.


Scoring -
Scoring will commence on Thursday, April 12 but please do not send me your scores until I ask for them. Sometimes there are last minute entries that I don't get a chance to post until after the deadline, so wait until I give you the go ahead before you send your scores.

Neal
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#2 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 03 April 2012 - 01:23 PM

Give Me A Chance

Verse
You can look at me, you can judge me
But to know me is to love me
All you gotta do, is give me a chance

Verse
We can sit down, we can talk it out
You can get to know what it is that Iím all about
All Iím asking you, is to give me a chance

Chorus
Open your heart, and close your eyes
See who I am, deep inside
Iíll prove myself, just let me try
All I ask of you, is give me a chance

Verse
You can trust me, Iíll never let you down
Iíve felt how you feel, thatís all over now
All you gotta do, is give me a chance

Verse
You can take that leap, have a little faith
Iíll be there for you, IĎll keep you safe
If youíll only, give me a chance

Chorus
Open your heart, and close your eyes
See who I am, deep inside
Iíll prove myself, just let me try
All I ask of you, is give me a chance

Bridge
See who I am, Iím part of you
Iíll take a chance, if you will too
What are we to do, letís take this chance

Chorus
Weíll open our hearts, and close our eyes
Learn who we are, deep down inside
Weíll prove ourselves, we just have to try
All we have to do, is give love a chance
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#3 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 03 April 2012 - 01:24 PM

ROSES AND WEEDS

Intro:
This is a song about a loving couple who left the Islands of Hawaii so that he and she could be closer to his family. It proved to be a difficult move. In deed, for she missed her family very much. And although they loved each other dearly, the strain was beginning to affect their relationship. One day he found his Grandmother out in her garden and he decided to seek some adviceÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ.





~ ROSES AND WEEDS ~



Grandma, how are you doing?
Say, your roses are looking fine.
Hey, Iíd like to ask you a question
Thatís been a burden on my mind.
I know my girl, she loves me
And Iím so in love with her
But it seems to me that lately
Maybe Iím not so self assured


And then she told meÖ
You can take the rose from Hawaii,
But it wonít grow just anywhere.
It takes a lot of nurturing
And tender loving care.
But you can pull a weed from the garden
And toss it in the air,
And where it lands, it will take root,
It doesnít matter where.













ROSES AND WEEDS
(Continued)


Grandma, what are you saying?
Whatís this about a rose and a weed?
I fail to see the connection,
Itís all apples and oranges, indeed.
Now, I need some understanding
Aside my woes and fears
If you can take some time from your garden
And sow some comfort here


And thatís when she saidÖ
You can take the rose from Hawaii,
But it wonít grow just anywhere.
It takes a lot of nurturingí
And tender loving care.
But you can pull the weed from the garden,
And toss it in the air,
And where it lands, it will take root.
It doesnít matter where.


Grandma, are you listening?
Have you heard a word Iíve said?
And to complicate the matter
This problem follows us to bed
Some nights my dreams will wander
Under the stars where weíll meet
To find each other on a beach
Where the waves caress our feet
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#4 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 03 April 2012 - 01:26 PM

Loner

Verse 1:

Iíve always kept to myself
Never needing someone else
To make me feel like my lifeís not a waste

Though most may think Iím lonely
Itís actually quite a relief
Being detached from those who just bring pain

I finally found a girl who
Somehow managed to creep through
But now I wonder if this is real love

Cause if it is, you must know
Itíll be hard to let go
Of the one thing Iíll never get back


Chorus:

I love being a loner
But I donít want to hurt her
Has anyone else ever felt this way?

And I just want to hold on
Even if the old meís gone
Iíd give it all up if I just had you

Oh, I know that Iím a loner
But can I go on without her?


Verse 2:

With you I feel so different
Than with anyone else Iíve met
You have a way of putting me at ease

When youíre near my wall just drops
And all my constant fears just stop
Girl once Iíve held you everything else fades

You and me are doing fine
But I still look for a sign
That what we have is really gonna last

I just canít handle more pain
Thereís more to lose than thereís to gain
So I donít know if I should wait or leave


Chorus:

I love being a loner
But I donít want to hurt her
Has anyone else ever felt this way?

And I just want to hold on
Even if the old meís gone
Iíd give it all up if I just had you

Oh, I know that Iím a loner
But can I go on without her?


Verse 3:

I think I should take the risk
Even if I start to miss
How things were before you came around

I just hope your heart is true
And doesnít stray because you
Just canít handle me being alone

Please donít forget my promise
Iíll try harder with each kiss
To leave behind the doubts that hold me back

Iíd do almost anything
To prove that my all I bring
But Iím not sure if it will be enough


Chorus:

I love being a loner
But I donít want to hurt her
Has anyone else ever felt this way?

And I just want to hold on
Even if the old meís gone
Iíd give it all up if I just had you

Oh, I know that Iím a loner
But can I go on without her?


Bridge:

I donít want to lose you but
Iím not sure that I could just
Suddenly be your perfect guy

You know this is hard for me
So please give me space to breathe
Soon youíll see that its for the best

Now that Iíve had time to think
And been so close to the brink
I just know, I canít let you go


Chorus:

I love being a loner
But I donít want to hurt her
Has anyone else ever felt this way?

And I just want to hold on
Even if the old meís gone
Iíd give it all up if I just had you

Oh, I know that Iím a loner
But can I go on without her?
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#5 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 04 April 2012 - 05:43 PM

Call of the Bosun Mate

(Verse)
For nigh unto me waning years
Have I sounded calls to the yard
E're since a tadpole, tote in hand
Come strolliní from me motherís arm
Aye, me da Ö Iíll make me way
To the winds Iíll go
Iíll swab as Jack on sea-pie pay
Singiní chanty in the hold

(Verse)
From cabin boy to Jolly Jack
I lived the sailors dream
Keepiní good hands always at my back
And neíer strayiní past the beam
Aye aye mate Ö Iíll pull my share
An ride the sail to the yard
Clinginí on rat-lines without a care
Itís a good life, but hard

(Chorus)
Best wait for the call from the Bosun Mate
'Fore ya lay yer mitts to the line
Call to quarters, mess, and anchor watch
Crossiní gybe to keep lask with the tide
Theyíd keel-haul ya for caperbar
For skylarkiní, itís the tank
But you cross the will oí the Boson Mate
Theyíll let ya walk the plank

(Verse)
Sun tipped one day Ďhind a risiní cloud
And it was dark in a blink
The Bosun pipe starred ringiní loud
And hearts begin to sink
Old Harryís bringiní all himís kin
Luff up lads, to the lee weíll stay
Well run before the devilís storm
And live to sail another day

(Verse)
Well run we did, till we could barely see
The old Cap knew the land and shore
And steered for a perch far from the lee
With direction from his flower and lore
The Bosun Mate was true to the call
Sounding pipe oíer the storm
And hands that day, they pulled their all
Alive Ö bare poles and rigginí torn

(Chorus)
Best heed the call from the Bosun Mate
Fore ya lay yer mitts to the line
Call to quarters, mess, and anchor watch
Crossiní gybe to keep lask with the tide
Theyíd keel-haul ya for caperbar
For skylarkiní itís the tank
But you cross the will oí the Boson Mate
Weíll all be in the drink
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#6 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 04 April 2012 - 05:45 PM

Aphrodite

V1:
Iíve got a date with Aphrodite
Sheís my goddess of love
Iíll ring her door bell at eight
And hope she invites me up
I bought tickets for a late night show
But if my plans work out, we wonít go, oh-oh-ohÖ


Chorus:
Aphrodite
I pray to thee
Oh, Aphrodite
Lay your blessings on me

V2:
Iíve had a thing for Aphrodite
Since we were kids
Iíd seek, when sheíd hide
But Iíd peek to see where she hid
Now I praise her with a joyful song
And worship at her altar all night long, oh-oh-ohÖ

CHORUS

Bridge:
Of all the goddesses of history
Roman, Norse and Greek
Sheís the one I venerate
She's my personal erotic deity (Oh-oh-oh)

CHORUS

Tag:
Lay your blessings...
Lay your blessings...
Lay your blessings on me
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#7 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 04 April 2012 - 05:50 PM

What True Love Means

I'd watch her on the corner where the bus stop used to be
I had just turned seventeen and she was twenty-three
Something deep inside of me was bursting at the seams
Wishing I could know what true love means
Wishing I could know what true love means

Heard that she got married to some guy from out of town
Heard he had a habit of knocking her around
Something stirred inside of me but never made a sound
Love is not a verb if it's a noun
Men can use to tie a woman down

Sticks and stones may break our bones but memories don't die
They surface, by and by
Right before our eyes
Take us by surprise

She's waiting on my table, looking good for fifty-two
Warming up some coffee for the boy she never knew
Something wakes inside of me and takes the corner booth
She was all I dreamed of in my youth
She was all I dreamed of in my youth

Feels as if Iím seventeen and she is twenty-three
Watching her and wishing she would turn and notice me
Something moves inside me like a rusty, old machine
Wishing I could know what true love means
Wishing I could know what true love means
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#8 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 04 April 2012 - 05:51 PM

God's Tune

(Verse 1)
When the oil's all gone
The coal's been burnt
That's one big lesson
We've just learnt

(Verse 2)
Why didn't we stop
When the seas ran dry
We just didn't see
That the birds couldn't fly

(Chorus)
What do we do now the world is dead?
There's nothing left here just like He said
Someone's got to save us, and pretty damn soon
But, maybe this is God's signature tune?

(Verse 3)
The mammals all died
And the fish disappeared
Everything went
Man, this is weird

(Verse 4)
We all know now
The things we done
It's all getting hotter
As we're nearing the sun

(Chorus)
So, what do we do now the world is dead?
There's nothing left here just like He said
Someone's got to save us, and pretty damn soon
But, maybe this is God's signature tune?

(Verse 5)
The men in power
Said war was good
The button was pressed
But we misunderstood

(Verse 6)
We just never knew
The size of that bomb
Now Armageddon
Has just come along

(Chorus)
What can we do now the world is dead?
There's nothing left here just like He said
Someone's got to save us, and pretty damn soon
But, maybe this is God's signature tune?
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#9 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 05 April 2012 - 10:17 AM

Mystery Train

She's taking a break from her latest mistake
She drives to the lake, lets the chemicals bake
Her brain to a crisp and golden brown

Such a soothing way to spend her day
Just floating away in her own outer space
And it's great this way 'til she comes crashing down

(chorus)
This is her life
Such a grinding sound
I wish she would just try slowing it down
The pace she keeps up, the face she makes up
Can't take the strain
As a stranger guns the engines
On her runaway mystery train

She had it all, awards on her walls
A stream of boys and endless phone calls
But she lost it all to an emptiness deep inside

She always keeps pushing, she never steps back
She never lets anybody see the cracks
In the heart she tries so damn hard to hide

(chorus)

She knows what she had and what she lost
What she never wanted came at such a cost
Losing her grip to things she should just toss away
But she'll look right through you and tell you,
"That's easy for you to say"

(chorus)
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#10 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 05 April 2012 - 10:19 AM

My Lunar Love


I learned last night what it was like

To be on the moon with the man

I was so unaware of how soon I'd be there,

I'd not even thought of a plan.

There were so many nights when I gazed at those lights

Of his bright windows up in the sky
How possible is it to make him a visit

So often I'd wished I could fly.



I was feeling upset at the moment we met

I remember that brief history

Though my memory still skips like a partial eclipse

He was all that I hoped he would be


My memories are dim, but I'm sure it was him

For he spoke in a soft gentle way.

Confused as I was, I smiled because

We were sailing Tranquility bay

Chorus

And oh what a joy to finally greet him.
I've waiting so long to finally meet him

We belong together like night and day

We belong together, I finally found the way
Oh, oh My lunar love, Oh,oh,oh my lunar love

From his hand to mine he passed the Moonshine

And my troubling thoughts slipped by

It was bubbly and fine and it tasted divine.

I relaxed watching earth from the sky.

We later went walking, he did all the talking

I lacked gravitational grounding.
I sailed so high with each step that I'd try

I was sure he could hear my heart pounding.

Bridge


I was shocked when he whispered I was still in my room,
That I'd banged my poor head on the wall.

Yet his sparkling eyes told me he never lies

And the bump on my head told it all

The moment I knew what he said was true

I was home in the blink of an eye.

I woke up in bed, an ice-pack on my head

I had no time to bid him good bye

He saw I fell down, got a bump on my crown

Like an egg so I look quite a sight.

Please call me Humpty, but do skip the Dumpty,

For things can go bump in the night. 


Chorus


I knocked myself out to finally meet him

And oh what a joy to finally greet him.

My lunar love 's not just a phase
We belong together like night and day

Oh, oh my Lunar love, Oh, oh, oh my lunar love.
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#11 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 11:39 AM

Sometimes I Wish I Didn't Have a Heart

V
Looking back on the day
When I finally left
The decision was right
But, my head was a mess
Part of me couldn't see
Though I knew it was time
To put out the flame
That still flickers and shines

V
Images kept flashing
Of the good times we had
Like the day at the beach
Making love in the sand
There was laughter and fun
Never thought we would part
But, slowly your drinking
Took a piece of my heart

C
Sometimes I wish I didn't have a heart
Then I wouldn't have to feel the pain
If I didn't have a heart
Life wouldn't be the same
And the heartache I'm feeling
Couldn't remain

V
The hardest thing for me
Was walking out the door
While you were standing there
With that look insecure
I knew you didn't see
The problem that was real
I felt kind of guilty
Leaving you there to feel

C
Sometimes I wish I didn't have a heart
Then I wouldn't have to feel the pain
If I didn't have a heart
Life wouldn't be the same
And the heartache I'm feeling
Couldn't remain
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#12 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 11:40 AM

Burning Moon

1
His disguise flies like a kite
On unbreakable strings
While he sits unbalanced
Upon a haunted swing

2
His mind's a hanging dartboard
All scored and pocked with pain
Where spinning razor thoughts
Land bursting into flame

Chorus
He wakes with a clay heart
Daybreaks it anew
He stumbles through the afternoon
And prays to a burning moon

3
Weeping giants breathe in thieves
Feeble in their protest
Karma gives as it receives
To whomever's closest

C
He wakes with a clay heart
Daybreaks it anew
He stumbles through the afternoon
And prays to a burning moon

B
Burning moons leave silhouettes
Of lovers on the parapet

C
He wakes with a clay heart
Daybreaks it anew
He stumbles through the afternoon
And prays to a burning moon
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#13 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 11:41 AM

Hummingbird

Roosters crowing itís early morn
Sounds of sleep still everywhere
Yet zipping round from tree to tree
The hummingbird is first at work
Sipping nectar from waking flowers
Petals sweetened by fertile showers.

Ch:
Fly, fly fly little hummingbird
No time to rest no time to play
The work is hard every day
Fly fly fly little hummingbird

V:
Blackbirds sleeping as darkness forms
A humming concert fills the air
The sonic sounds of speedy wings
The hummingbird is in search
For one last sip of something sweet
Before night calls the blossoms to sleep

Ch:
Fly, fly fly little hummingbird
No time to rest no time to play
The work is hard everyday
Fly, fly fly little hummingbird
Fade:
Fly, fly little hummingbird
Hovering to feed and make another day
Fly, fly fly little hummingbird
Fly, fly fly
Fly, fly fly
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#14 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 10 April 2012 - 08:38 AM

We Don't Do That No More

v1

Her head's a bit light, she's feeling all right
She barely drinks more than iced tea
She hasn't a clue I've waited all night
To get her alone with me

v2

Her mom's got the kids, we do it up big
Two steaks and a bottle of wine
She's wearing the dress that drives me to fits
The one with the slit up the side

ch

But hey, we don't do that no more
No tumbling around on the floor
No taking her there
At the foot of the stairs
Hey, we don't do that no more

v3

Time was, her hands were explorers of lands
Her mouth was as hot as the sun
Then something went wrong I don't understand
But still work to get it undone

br

If there's a chance
I'll take it
Know her too well
She won't fake it
No way she'll disguise
The truth in her eyes

ch

Hey, we don't do that no more
Our ship's never reaching that shore
I don't mind the wait
Until it's too late
If hey, we don't do that no more
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#15 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 10 April 2012 - 08:40 AM

Iím missing her

Verse 1
Used to be a time when she held me
Spellbound in her blue eyes
Days spent dreaming about the future
Beneath clear Carolina skies

Verse 2
A farm girl she loved the country
Purple flowers; yellow ones too
A rainbow after a soft April shower
She had a heart pure and true

Chorus
Sunís coming up on another day
Itís been two weeks since she went away
And Iím missing her, yes, Iím missing her
Iím missing her in so many ways

Verse 3
Smiles and garden grown dinners
Warm biscuits and sweet iced tea
She always strived to be a winner
The best somebody she could be

Chorus
Sunís coming up on another day
Itís been two weeks since she went away
And Iím missing her, yes, Iím missing her
Iím missing her in so many ways
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#16 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 10 April 2012 - 04:35 PM

I CHASED DREAMS

Verse 1
Our teenage blood ran hot back in 99
When I felt that roaming urge surge straight thru me
You begged me to stay but that olí highway ghost
Just had claimed the soul of a rambling wannabe

I still can see your face on that hot summerís night
I was outward bound on that Greyhound
You smiled and cried and so did I
And since that day I regret to say:

Chorus
I chased dreams in all the wrong places
In some rip-off dives where heartaches came for free
Beneath the neon lightsí tempting glow at night
I found easy women, but lost the man in me
Yeah I chased dreams in all the wrong places

Verse 2
The Lord alone knows how many honkytonks
Shots of cheap booze mixed with tears thereís left in me
But one dawn last May I heard a voice say low
If I donít stop now the devil will come for me

I went down on my knees head bowed in utter shame
Hit that homeward bound good olí Greyhound
I prayed some day Iíll find a way
To make amends for my sins back when:

Chorus
I chased dreams in all the wrong places
In some rip-off dives where heartaches came for free
Beneath the neon lightsí tempting glow at night
I found easy women, but lost the man in me
Yeah I chased dreams in all the wrong places

Bridge
Last Sunday I saw you near the gate of the church hall
My God you looked great you hadnít changed at all
Hand in hand with a preacher man, I think it was
And tonight my heart bleeds because:

Chorus
I chased dreams in all the wrong places
In some rip-off dives where heartaches came for free
Beneath the neon lightsí tempting glow at night
I found easy women, but lost the man in me
Yeah I chased dreams in all the wrong places
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#17 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 10:51 AM

Addiction

Verse 1
I fell back into your addiction
Trying hard to hide your tracks
I couldnít pick up all the fragments
Those little straws they broke my back

Verse 2
The wilderness was where you found me
Lord knows that Iíd been there before
And in that wilderness I lost you
You wonít be coming back no more

Chorus
I canít look back
Only subtract
The days and nights I lost with you
Itís off my sleeve
And I do believe
That I can break on through
I paid the price
A sacrifice
So heavy angels couldnít carry
Maybe someday Iíll find a way
To look at myself and say
Was that you
And was that me
It was real
Those memories

Verse 3
At first you had a steady hand
Could always change a point of view
And you won your battles in the trenches
Doing the things no one would do

Chorus
I canít look back
Only subtract
The days and nights I lost with you
Itís off my sleeve
And I do believe
That I can break on through
I paid the price a sacrifice
So heavy angels couldnít carry
Maybe someday Iíll find a way
To look at myself and say
Was that you
And was that me
It was real
These memories

Verse 4
You always wanted independence
Just to depend on something new
I never really knew the difference
But that was me and that was you

Chorus
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#18 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 04:24 PM

Bound for Hell

(Verse 1)
ďEnough,Ē came the order, ďgive the prisoner a smokeĒ
They stripped the cloth from his face and gave him a light
Then Major Karl stepped forward and scowled
At this man wincing from pain and the glare in his eye

Karl said, ďYouíre the best soldier that I ever knew
Not just my commander, my best friend as well
But you disobeyed orders, betrayed your brothers
And as sure as Iím breathing, Iíll see you bound for HellĒ

(Chorus)
How does a man mired in sin
Make his way back to the path again?
Some say he should run until he falls
When he canít get back up, then he should crawl
When heís too tired to go on, then he should pray
For someone to carry him the rest of the way

(Verse 2)
Looking to the heavens to avoid the manís eyes
The Major turned from his friend and called out his name
ďYouíve taken a stand against our Fatherland
Tell me what you know, and I may spare you some painĒ

The prisoner stood silent, smoke curling from his lips
Somewhere in the distance, a church bell tolled twelve
Karl said, ďThis weighs on my chest, but treason brings death
And as sure as Godís watching, Heíll see you bound for HellĒ

(Chorus)
How does a man mired in sin
Make his way back to the path again?
Some say he should run until he falls
When he canít get back up, then he should crawl
When heís too tired to go on, then he should pray
For someone to carry him the rest of the way

(Bridge)
The prisoner remembered the station
Checking their papers in the commotion
The scarred and tattered, the starved and shamed
He wrote all their tickets for that Hell-bound train

He remembered her eyes, swollen and red
And that precious life for which she pled
That pretty little girl clinging to her hand
Those soft sable eyes, eternal and sad

(Chorus)
How does a man mired in sin
Make his way back to the path again?
Some say he should run until he falls
When he canít get back up, then he should crawl
When heís too tired to go on, then he should pray
For someone to carry him the rest of the way

(Verse 3)
Major Karl said, ďIím sorry, but I have no choiceĒ
As he pressed his pistol against the manís head
The prisoner crushed his cigarette in the dust
And cursed, ďDonít ever lie to me again, my friendĒ

ďBecause I swear that today when I meet the Devil
Iíll spit in his eye and Iíll piss down his well
And as sure as Iím standing, Iíll be there laughing
When the demons drag your soul to HellĒ

(Out)
Karl pulled the trigger and the prisoner fell
Alone by the road
No one thought of him again
Except one woman, now with daughters of her own

She tells them of the man
Who lent her his hand
When he was bound for Hell
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#19 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 04:26 PM

If It Was Up To Me

If it was up to me
Youíd give me everything
And Iíd give it all back to you
Just to hear you sing

If it was up to me
Iíd get the door on your behalf
And hit myself in the head
Just to see you laugh

If it was up to me
When you were feeling sad
Iíd lay me down like a bridge
So it wouldnít be so bad

If it was up to me
I would turn back the time
And change the way I treated you
So our steps could rhyme

But none of this is true
And you are on your way
Despite the sadness that it brings
I think Iíll be okay

(But) just to be with you
Would make me feel free
And we would start anew
If it was up to me

Yes, if it was up to me
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#20 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 11:54 AM

The Jungle Room

I don't know what day it was
when I first felt old
The mirror mocks me daily
where did my youth go?
I've done my duty, raised the kids
checked the have-to's off my list
time restraints came with regrets
but I'm not dead yet


Chorus
I wanna dance
in the King's Blue Suede Shoes
make love all night
in the Jungle Room
I wanna dance
in the King's Blue Suede Shoes
make love all night
in the Jungle Room

I can't wait to see what comes next
when I take the reigns
my bucket list will be all checked off
when they call my name

Chorus
I wanna dance
in the King's Blue Suede Shoes
make love all night
in the Jungle Room
I wanna dance
in the King's Blue Suede Shoes
make love all night
in the Jungle Room


Bridge
There's no do-over days
on any calender page
time will have the final say
so I can't hesitate

Chorus 2
I'm gonna dance
(dance, dance, dance)
in the King's Blue Suede Shoes
I'm gonna make love all night
in the Jungle Room

make love all night
in the Jungle Room

make love all night
in the Jungle Room
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#21 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 11:58 AM

The April Lyric Contest is now closed for entries and it is time to submit your scores.

Simply give each lyric a score between 1 and 10, and submit that score to me via private message.

If you have entered this contest, you are required to vote, but do not score your own lyric.

Scoring ends Midnight, Pacific Standard time, Monday, April 16.

Winners will be posted sometime the following day.

Here are the titles:

Give Me a Chance
Roses and Weeds
Loner
Call of the Bosun Mate
Aphrodite
What True Love Means
God's Tune
Mystery Train
My Lunar Love
Sometimes I wish I didn't have a heart
Burning Moon
Humming Bird
We Don't Do That No More
I'm Missing Her
I Chased Dreams
Addiction
Bound For Hell
If it was up to me
The Jungle Room
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#22 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 17 April 2012 - 10:48 AM

We have our Winners!!!!

1st Place
What True Love Means
By Alistair

2nd Place
I Am Missing Her
by Graybeard

Thanks to our non-participant voters this month: Dottie and Joeinjax. One lyric was disqualified because the writer did not provide any scores.
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#23 User is offline   Jan Johansen Icon

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Posted 17 April 2012 - 11:41 AM

Congratulation to Alistair and graybeard. I had Alistair first, then 3 tied for second; neuroron, spanishbuddah and Duane Clancy whoís lyric sadly got disqualified. Thanks a lot to Neil, the participants and the none-participants Dottie and joeinjax .

Jan

#24 User is offline   neuroron Icon

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Posted 17 April 2012 - 11:50 AM

Congratulations to the winners and everybody for getting to the starting line and finishing. I had "What True Love Means" and "Call of the Bosun Mate" in a tie for first, with "Give Me a Chance" in second and virtually everyone else tied one notch down. I found it very difficult to differentiate the whole pack score wise and my entire range was 5 - 8. Nothing really grabbed me this month - maybe that says more about me than the lyrics entered. My own entry was actually a more music-driven attempt to write something in a slightly lecherous Steely Dan vein, but at least as an exercise I try to write something for this every month - and I just noticed, I did manage to snare the only "2" :D - Ron
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#25 User is offline   paradise dismissed Icon

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Posted 17 April 2012 - 12:12 PM

it wasn't just you neuroron, i didn't see any lyrics that particularily stood out, and my scoring range was very tight as well.

i gave my top scores to call of the bosun mate and what true love means, congrats to alistair and duane clancy (you should've submitted those scores!)

thanks also to neal for running this, this competition gives me incentive to finish my lyrics at a certain date, which is a good exercise i imagine.

as for me, back to the drawing board.

#26 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 17 April 2012 - 12:45 PM

View PostJan Johansen, on 17 April 2012 - 09:41 AM, said:

...and Duane Clancy whoís lyric sadly got disqualified.


Duane's lyric scored quite well. It's too bad.

Neal
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#27 User is offline   Alistair S Icon

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Posted 17 April 2012 - 02:05 PM

I tend to agree with the "nothing outstanding" opinions this month. I know my entry has been considerably reworked since I entered it and I suspect others have done the same. A few of the "usual suspects" were missing(Joe and Scubed, for example) and I suspect I would have done less well had they entered.

That said, I thought there were some good entries that could develop nicely. My winner was Jonie's "We Don't Do That No More" (which I thought would do much better), closely followed by a tie between Kim's "Jungle Room" and Annie's "My Lunar Love" (some clever internal rhyming). I also thought that "Aphrodite" was very singable.
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#28 User is offline   kimberlyinnc Icon

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Posted 17 April 2012 - 02:36 PM

Congrats to Alistair and Greybeard for getting 1st and 2nd place...some mighty nice ones from you both!!!

It was a hard one for me this month. I had my top one chosen which was
Addiction by Adam Ash

then I had several tied for 2nd place--many more than I wanted to..but I didn't want to dock them a whole number..so...this was my "fav" 2nd placers... :lol: I suppose I should have marked them down more to bring up more to 2nd and then some to 3rd.

Call of the Bosun Mate
What True Love Means
Mystery Train
Humming Bird
I'm Missing Her
If it was up to me


Thanks to Neal for running this and thanks Alistair for the kind words about Jungle Room
:P


Kimberly
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#29 User is offline   JOEINJAX Icon

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Posted 17 April 2012 - 03:09 PM

Congrats to Alistair and G/B,
So glad to see you both back at the top. And solid work by Feegis(and Jan).
I too thought Jonie's lyric might do better. But I liked Give Me A Chance (I was your high score Davis). Not in the majority I see.

Alistair...thanks for the kind words (he drinks a bit every now and then you know :) ).


Joe

#30 User is offline   AdamAsh Icon

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Posted 17 April 2012 - 04:48 PM

As this was my first contest entry, I am humbled to have finished in the middle of the pack amongst some wily veterans of this craft. I had started this one a few years back, and tried to scrub it up to get something in and already want to fiddle some more with it. I had picked Call of the Bosun Mate first, followed closely by We Don't Do That No More (loved the irony), I Chased Dreams (loved the hook), and What True Love Means (loved the tension and contrast). Thanks Kimberlyinnc for the shout out and vote of confidence! AdamAsh
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#31 User is offline   jonie Icon

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Posted 17 April 2012 - 05:10 PM

Congrats to Alistair and Nathan for their top spots.

I admit that I was overwhelmed in trying to score all of these this month without knocking some to the bargain basement of 1 and 2. I didn't do that as I think all lyrics have merit and are undeserving of such low scores unless the scoring is based on a ranking method. I had many lyrics tied.

I did, however, give Alistair my top score for "What True Love Means" (loved the story and the way he resolved it) and feegis got my second place vote for his "Mystery Train" (great characterization of the subject with some really good lines and a chorus I could really hear)

Annie's "My Lunar Love" and Cabdryver's "God's Tune" in a tie for 3rd. Different in every way but both revealed the skill of a proficient lyricist.

I'm not surprised mine came in the middle of the pack. As soon as I'd submitted it (close to the deadline) I set about rewriting it. I'll probably post it up on Lyric's Feedback to see if others think it's improved.

Thank you to Neal, Dottie, and Joe.

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#32 User is offline   Gordon Icon

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Posted 17 April 2012 - 09:21 PM

Congratulations Alistair! I suspected that was yours... wasn't 100% positive, but i thought it had a little Alistair signature...

and to you Graybeard - so happy to see you up there because i think you've entered so many that went underrated in scoring! full disclosure - i KNEW this was your entry, it definitely had the Graybeard touch!

(and special thanks, as always, to Neal, so he doesn't have to weigh through my typically long winded post!)

I agree with some of the previous sentiment - i didn't have any of them "blow me away" like some of the past contests (i'm thinking of a couple of Scubed's recent entries, as well as one or two each by Feegis and JoeinJax... and like 3 from Jonie last year...) but i thought the quality for legitimate 5-7 scores was very very deep... and i shuffled a lot....

I settled on Alistair and Jan's tied for first...

Alistair - i particularly loved the title/hook... very effective, i think... the title is declarative - "what true love means"... i expected to learn what true love means... i get this sort of little parable that SHOWS me a slice of a "true" love... over decades... an unfulfilled love, which some may say is very pure... but beyond that, i love how the singer is questioning in the beginning and full circle to the end "wishing i could know what true love means..." the other thing that really caught my attention is that the structure is almost identical to Joe Pug's "Hymn #101" except you do a little different rhyme scheme, and then you have that bridgey thing in the middle he didn't do... so i'm suspecting this is a "template" structure? I'm into a big Joe Pug kick lately, and Hymn #101 is my second favorite by him i've discovered so far... so this really jumped out at me...

Jan - I tied you up top because i liked the progressive nature of the story and how well you lead in to each chorus with that nod to the change in time/perspective... aside from some nits on word choice, which anyone can really do... i thought this was very well thought out... nice story... nice progression...

then i had like 4-5 tied for second, and several on the "tier" below that i toyed with moving to the second place tier...

Jonie - "We Don't Do That No More" - was very consistent meter, rhyme, simple, easy and very easy to "pick up" on the tune, i think... very catchy chorus... and i love Verse 3 in particular, so i hope you're aren't significantly altering that! :unsure:

Kimberly - "The Jungle Room" - loved it! Spot on with your chorus again! very nice flow... it is very "dancey"... and similar to Jonie's, i like the little tweak to the last use of it... i liked the bridge here, as well.

Duane's "Call of the Bosun Mate" - i also had way up there... i spent a lot of time googling the terms to make sure they were all right... i couldn't help but fall into a pirate accent (i used Geoffrey Rush from Pirates of the Carribbean as my model)... oh, why, oh why, didn't you get your votes in Duane?!?! After this and that Rohan Sextina thing over on the Artists' Cafe... i am duly impressed!!

Feegis' "Mystery Train" also was a solid tie for second for me. The versey bits i was reading very similar to Jonie's... then i really liked the change up in the chorus, and it took me a while to work out a flow, but i eventually did... and then the whole thing clicked... 270 words... a little brief for you... :D

i ended up giving a slight nod to Cabbie's "God's Tune" and tied him for second as well... out of a whole mess of ones i had in that position and just wanted to sort it out a bit... mood as much as anything dictated how i placed them... at first i thought this one might be a bit rhymey and i'd kind of sing-song it... but then i started to like the contrast in how Cabbie approached a very similar topic that i did last month... whereas mine was just so dark and bleak it even turned Feegis off, cabbie has a little catchiness and almost lightheartedness to it... it reminded me, in a way, of an Australian group called "Men With Day Jobs" that did a fun song on a serious topic that they called "Denial Tango"... look it up on YouTube... given that... i thought this does what it wants to pretty darn well and with the right music could be a nice, catchy tune at least suitable for fun bar nights...

Neuroron's "Aphrodite" really grew on me over the last week. at first i thought it's nice and simple, clear... guy likes a girl, compares her to a goddess... kind of familiar... so good, not standing out... then as i read it... i kept just sort of creeping it up in the pile... i also started to think of it as a "jazzy" piece... and maybe i was thinking right.. that could be close to a Steely Dan feel...

"Addiction" - i can certainly see why someone would have voted this at the top, AA... i loved the theme and treatment... i could get a rhythm and tune... I thought Verse 1 was absolutely wonderful...and V2 and 4 were great, in particular.. i was initially overwhelmed by the seemingly long chorus, but quickly figured out it was mostly verticality... not so long when you actually go through it, just a lot of short lines... and the chorus is smooth and singable

"Burning Moon" - i really liked this as well... different and visual... with Addiction, perhaps my favorite first verse, and i think i love the chorus as well... when i read V3, i thought it might be Stewie's...

"I'm Missing Her" - here i also had Graybeard's, trying to figure out whether to tie it for second or not... ugh... also very simple, very sweet... i love the chorus... and i was reminded a bit in sentiment of The Smithereens' "Cigarette"... different style, i'm sure.. but i was getting a very similar feel and i liked that...

Ironknee's "Roses and Weeds" i think would be a wonderful story song for a small, intimate venue, like a bar... it's got a casual, story telling quality and i even wondered if parts of it were meant to be spoken or sort of "nearly spoken" to the music, if that makes sense...

Bernabby - i liked "Hummingbird" as well, too. I was struggling where to leave it because it seemed a nice little scenery song, a little kind of moral for working hard... i liked the little near rhyme "bird-work", "bird-search" in the fourth line of the verses... that was catchy... this should be a nice thing to build on a develop...

Spanishbuddha - had yours a little farther down in absolute scale here but everything was close as i moved down the list and yours was one that slid up a little one day, down a little next. I really liked the chorus here and wondered if maybe it could/should make it's first appearance after V1... verses have some nice images going, but i thought the chorus is the strength...?

ParadiseDismissed - really didnt' connect this with you... your last few seemed to have been very poetic, and this is more... plain spoken? not in a bad way at all, simple, and some straight up emotion to it... i liked the original structure/approach to it... seems like good bones... a little turnaround as you come to the end...

"Give me a chance" - see, i had this farther down here, but i can't disagree or wonder at those that scored this high. my first reaction was a concern on the hook being used "too often" across verse-bridge-chorus... but... i think Staind does similar with "it's been awhile" so it certainly can be... the rhythm through the verses is consistent, so i think with the right music, this would work very well as a song...

"Loner"... i thought has some similarities structurally to a couple other entries... there is certainly a good emotion base here to explore, that uncertainty about making a big change in life... as a fellow 500-word lyric submitter (and i am someone who has submitted plenty of 400 to 500 word lyrics! :) ), i feel maybe i can say this... for a sort of emotional, plaintive, introspective song, you might be best to distill this down - i think a good example could be "Give Me a Chance"... sort of similar in conveying sort of an emotion/plea/thought at this sort of cusp of a relationship... i know you're not asking for a crit here, but that's sort of my thought on this - great topic to start with and there's something you can work with and develop, and i think Davis' is a good example of how maybe to develop this.

Finally - and not least - but great to see you back MusefromMichigan, we missed you!!

- i agree that "My Lunar Love" is wonderfully colorful, playful, nice and creative... that's why i voted it pretty high when you entered it as "On the Moon with the Man" in January 2011... i saw it and instantly recognized that i'd read it before (because it is original and catchy and i can imagine a light-hearted and fun tune to go with it!)...I actually thought at first i'd accidentally printed off the one from last year and mixed it up with this contest somehow, so i had to go back and check the current board... but i do think your title is better now, plays to the hook more... nice writing! :D

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Posted 18 April 2012 - 12:15 AM

Looks like this is holding steady as a popular exercise - 18 entries. Congratulations to the top 2 this month (I had them reversed). Actually, I had Duane's tied for first. I thought that was Len's entry - shows how much I know. Thanks Neal for keeping this contest going. Lastly, thanks Gordon for your usual comprehensive overview.

#34 User is offline   jessewpb Icon

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Posted 18 April 2012 - 01:09 AM

This was also my first entry into the lyric contest. I was a bit disappointed when I saw that I came in last, but I'm not gonna let it stop me from competing in the future. If anything, it will drive me to really sit down and work on it some more. I agree with Gordon that it was a bit long, but I hope that didn't scare any of you away lol. Well, I certainly appreciate being given the opportunity to compete with 'the best of them'. And I'm gonna keep working on my lyrics, cause well I can only go up from last place, right?

#35 User is offline   feegis Icon

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Posted 18 April 2012 - 03:08 AM

Congratulations to Alistair and graybeard....... Excellent lyrics!!

I had Kim's Jungle Room at the top. I loved the vibe. I couldn't just hear this one, I could feel it. The only thing, and I realize this is not the feedback forum, but the only thing I wanted was more of the jungle feel, maybe more examples, in the chorus. Nice lyric you have there, Kim.

I also had the Boson Mate lyric tied at the top.

I had a few tied for second, including Stars' Burning Moon ("Karma gives as it receives to whomever's closest" - great line), Gordon's Bound For Hell (Gordon, you just brought a lot of power with Bound For Hell. What an effort!), and Jonie's We Don't Do That No More.

Finally, I had graybeard's I'm Missing Her tied for second, as well. There was one small thing that kept me from having it in a tie for first. I thought it was an excellent lyric.

Thanks to Dottie and Joe for voting, and thanks to Neal for running the show.

Thanks to those who thought well of mine.

Best Regards,
Feegis

#36 User is offline   Davis Stovall Icon

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Posted 18 April 2012 - 07:54 AM

Congratulations to Alistair and Graybeard!!1 Neal, thanks for running this contest. This was my first attempt, but will not be my last.

#37 User is offline   Ironknee Icon

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Posted 18 April 2012 - 09:22 AM

My congratulations go out to Alistair and Greybeard!
And thanks to Neal for running this comp.!
B) -Tom
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#38 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 18 April 2012 - 10:16 AM

View Postjessewpb, on 17 April 2012 - 11:09 PM, said:

I was a bit disappointed when I saw that I came in last, but I'm not gonna let it stop me from competing in the future?


Good for you. I've come in 1st in a few contests and I've come in dead last in a few contests - it's all for fun!

Neal
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#39 User is offline   Gordon Icon

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Posted 18 April 2012 - 03:13 PM

Hey, Neal...

Could you do Kim a favor and double check her score? it adds up to 116 i think, but i'm only counting 18 votes for her, and the rest of us each got 19...

(potentially sorry, graybeard, 'cuz if i'm right, then kim has a good chance of displacing you for the #2 spot)

:ph34r:

and, by the way, Jesse - i agree w/ Neal... keep at it... i've been at this over a year, and i've finished near the bottom several times, and on a few good months i make it to the upper half! But it's fun, educational, and i feel more "motivated" to read and vote if i got a horse in the race!

I notice also that somebody gave you a "9"... those don't come cheap, so you really connected with at least one person!

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Posted 18 April 2012 - 03:55 PM

Thanks everyone.
This is great fun.
We mustn't forget the hard work that goes into its organising, participating, reading, critiqueing and scoring.
It's hard work by all who get involved at any point of this contest.

Well done All.

Thanks to everyone that voted for me.

My 1 to 4 were:-
If it was up to me
I'm missing her
We don't do that no more
My lunar Love

Best Regards

Cab
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Posted 18 April 2012 - 04:23 PM

View PostGordon, on 18 April 2012 - 04:13 PM, said:

Hey, Neal...

Could you do Kim a favor and double check her score? it adds up to 116 i think, but i'm only counting 18 votes for her, and the rest of us each got 19...


By my calculations, shouldn't every contestant have received 20 scores total?
18 contestants + Dottie and Joe = 20. Unless I'm being very dense.
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#42 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 18 April 2012 - 04:23 PM

View PostGordon, on 18 April 2012 - 01:13 PM, said:

Hey, Neal...

Could you do Kim a favor and double check her score? it adds up to 116 i think, but i'm only counting 18 votes for her, and the rest of us each got 19...

(potentially sorry, graybeard, 'cuz if i'm right, then kim has a good chance of displacing you for the #2 spot)



Ackkkk - you're right. I see how I made the mistake (someone sent me two sets of scores and I used the wrong set) - but it was a stupid mistake on my part. There's an extra 6 points for Jungle Room, which gives Kim a total of 122 points.... good enough for second place.

Neal
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Posted 18 April 2012 - 04:28 PM

Quote

Could you do Kim a favor and double check her score? it adds up to 116 i think, but i'm only counting 18 votes for her, and the rest of us each got 19...

Nice catch, Gordon!!

#44 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 18 April 2012 - 04:33 PM

View Postjonie, on 18 April 2012 - 02:23 PM, said:

By my calculations, shouldn't every contestant have received 20 scores total?
18 contestants + Dottie and Joe = 20. Unless I'm being very dense.


Nope, you're not being dense. I didn't get scores from one contestant, so that brings the number back down to 19.

Neal
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Posted 18 April 2012 - 04:41 PM

Hey, wait a minute..... wasn't the 2 someone gave me supposed to be an 8.... or even a 9?

Neal, how 'bout it?

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Posted 18 April 2012 - 05:07 PM

View PostNeal K, on 18 April 2012 - 05:33 PM, said:

View Postjonie, on 18 April 2012 - 02:23 PM, said:

By my calculations, shouldn't every contestant have received 20 scores total?
18 contestants + Dottie and Joe = 20. Unless I'm being very dense.


Nope, you're not being dense. I didn't get scores from one contestant, so that brings the number back down to 19.

Neal


I realize that Duane was disqualified. But the total number of scores, even without him, should be 20.

Total contestants with Duane = 19 + Dottie and Joe = 21
Total contestants w/o Duane = 18 + Dottie and Joe = 20

No?

Or are you saying that there is another contestant who didn't submit scores? That would make sense.
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#47 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 18 April 2012 - 05:37 PM

I think I'm going to retire from running the contest. I'm looking at the Excel spreadsheet where I keep my scores and I see that I am missing one set of scores. Give me a minute to go through and see who I'm missing.

This is terrible.


Neal

Quote

Sorry! This isn't quite as Neal posted it (I edited his post by mistake) .. but it's close.

Alistair

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Posted 18 April 2012 - 05:39 PM

I was surprised to get a pm from Neal this evening, stating he had missed one of my scores. I didn't count them. Been down and out today with a stomach "thang"...and just now getting online for a few.

If I did get 2nd, not sure it is true yet, thanks so much, that made a bad day alittle better. :)

Thanks Gordon. You are a very good fact checker...I would have never known. :lol:

Kimberly

EDIT ps...Bless your heart Neal...I just saw your last post as I was posting this...we are all pulling for you...hugs!!!! It can't be an easy task, esp. when someone sends in two scores submissions..confusing. :blink:

This post has been edited by kimberlyinnc: 18 April 2012 - 05:44 PM

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Posted 18 April 2012 - 05:40 PM

Are you missing the average scores we receive for ourselves for all the scores we give out?

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Posted 18 April 2012 - 05:43 PM

View PostNeal K, on 18 April 2012 - 06:37 PM, said:

I think I'm going to retire from running the contest. I'm looking at the Excel spreadsheet where I keep my scores and I see that I am missing one set of scores. Give me a minute to go through and see who I'm missing.

This is terrible.


Neal


No, absolutely not terrible at all. Perfectly understandable considering the number of contestants and votes.

I've had to do it, so I can empathize.

You're too young to retire. :)
We have now sunk to a depth at which re-statement of the obvious is the first duty of intelligent men.
George Orwell

The greatest tragedy in mankind's entire history may be the hijacking of morality by religion.
Arthur C. Clarke

Don Martin Lyric of the Year 2008 & 2009
1 + 1 Song of the Year 2009 Ain't That True

My Soundclick Page
My lyrics and songs hosted by Lyricadia

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