Muse's Muse Songwriting Message Board: Piece by Piece - Muse's Muse Songwriting Message Board

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Piece by Piece Rock

#1 User is offline   satincross Icon

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Posted 30 March 2012 - 05:20 AM

"Piece by Piece"
Music and Lyrics: Robert Cross

Piece by Piece

You’re caught within this spider’s web
All tangled up inside of it
Better take what you can get
‘Cuz you won’t get away

You can feel it growing from deep within
There’s just no point in struggling
Try to fight it but you know that you won’t win
‘Cuz there’s no way out

I see your pretty eyes but don’t be frightened
Just realize my hold’s gonna tighten
Go ahead and try you’re not gonna break free
You’re just fighting with yourself

Take a look inside your mind
You know just what you’ll find
‘Cuz it’s only a matter of time
Before piece by piece you become mine

You know it’s buried within your soul
It’s got your head spinning out of control
And now you’re trapped with nowhere to go
No you won’t get away

You can feel it growing from deep within
There’s just no point in struggling
Try to fight it but you know that you won’t win
‘Cuz there’s no way out

I see your pretty eyes but don’t be frightened
Just realize my hold’s gonna tighten
Go ahead and try you’re not gonna break free
You’re just fighting with yourself

Take a look inside your mind
You know just what you’ll find
‘Cuz it’s only a matter of time
Before piece by piece you become mine

Give in and give yourself to me
‘Cuz I’m the one that’s gonna set you free
There’s nowhere else to go as you can see
You’re gonna be all mine

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Aside from a few vocal spots I'd like to touch up, this is complete.

Any crits, thoughts or opinions on this would be appreciated. :)

Thanks in advance.

#2 User is offline   AudioProUK Icon

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Posted 30 March 2012 - 05:37 AM

Hey,
I really like this . Love the lyrics and the music, my only Crit is that it would REALLY benefit from a stronger voice ,not that theres is anything wrong with your voice . I just think that the song would benefit from a rockier tone and a little more "angst" . I`d be willing to show you what i mean if you want to send me a backing track.

Great song !!

Dave x

#3 User is offline   satincross Icon

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Posted 30 March 2012 - 06:00 AM

View PostAudioProUK, on 30 March 2012 - 03:37 AM, said:

Hey,
I really like this . Love the lyrics and the music, my only Crit is that it would REALLY benefit from a stronger voice ,not that theres is anything wrong with your voice . I just think that the song would benefit from a rockier tone and a little more "angst" . I`d be willing to show you what i mean if you want to send me a backing track.

Great song !!

Dave x


Thanks for the feedback Dave. :)

I totally agree that there should be more angst in the song. I didn't feel I quite nailed it with this performance but it's acceptable for now (at least until my friend and I can get together again).

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Posted 31 March 2012 - 01:00 PM

This is pretty good, but it's no Magnolia. That song is just so KILLER, and it wouldn't be fair for me to critique this song until I get that one out of my system. Now, you'll have to excuse while I listen to Magnolia again . . . and again . . . until I'm "falling into oblivion." :)

#5 User is offline   satincross Icon

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Posted 31 March 2012 - 03:16 PM

View PostDavid@HoboSage.com, on 31 March 2012 - 11:00 AM, said:

This is pretty good, but it's no Magnolia. That song is just so KILLER, and it wouldn't be fair for me to critique this song until I get that one out of my system. Now, you'll have to excuse while I listen to Magnolia again . . . and again . . . until I'm "falling into oblivion." :)


Thanks for the compliments on "Magnolia". I'm glad to hear you like it. :)

#6 User is offline   Onewholovesrock Icon

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 04:41 PM

Whats up Satin. I agree with Dave. The vocals need more angst if possible. Also I think the song needs some more guitar lead work without lengthening the song. Maybe remove some vocals and add guitars. My 2 cents. Horns Up!

#7 User is offline   TamsNumber4 Icon

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 06:47 PM

Robert,

This does need a stonger vocal, only because of the style of the song, but your voice is good and a good song.

I think you need a backing vocal on those last lines in your chorus (or at least I can hear it that way):


You’re just fighting with yourself

Before piece by piece you become mine


And sorry to go off-topic, but David's enthusiasm made me listen to Magnolia and that is a fantastic song!!

Tammy
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Professor Albus Dumbledore: Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it.

#8 User is offline   Desertrose Icon

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 06:56 PM

Love those grungy guitars! :)
I see what other people here are commenting on regarding a more grungy rock voice to match the style.
I wonder whether by fiddling with the mix and adding harmonies in places...?
Sounds like one that would come off really well played live.
I enjoyed the listen.

#9 User is offline   satincross Icon

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 07:16 PM

View PostOnewholovesrock, on 11 April 2012 - 02:41 PM, said:

Whats up Satin. I agree with Dave. The vocals need more angst if possible. Also I think the song needs some more guitar lead work without lengthening the song. Maybe remove some vocals and add guitars. My 2 cents. Horns Up!


View PostTamsNumber4, on 11 April 2012 - 04:47 PM, said:

Robert,

This does need a stonger vocal, only because of the style of the song, but your voice is good and a good song.

I think you need a backing vocal on those last lines in your chorus (or at least I can hear it that way):


You’re just fighting with yourself

Before piece by piece you become mine


And sorry to go off-topic, but David's enthusiasm made me listen to Magnolia and that is a fantastic song!!

Tammy


Thanks for the replies. :)

I agree with both of you regarding the vocals. There definitely needs more angst for the song. I had recorded a previous version a few years ago and my performance on that is much better than the performance on the version I've got posted here. To be honest, I haven't been able to listen to this version over the past week due to my unhappiness with my vocal. :P Needless to say I'm going to be redoing it.

Tammy I'm glad you liked "Magnolia" as well. :) Thanks again for the reply.

#10 User is offline   Ironknee Icon

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 01:28 AM

Hey there SC............I absolutely love the sound!! But it needs to move more freely into other directions.................what you have is great...the movement of the body needs to musically take us further.
I can also hear some harmonies in this, as well.
Very inspired!!! Thanks!
B) -Tom
"I Know The Truth By My Struggle Against It"

#11 User is offline   satincross Icon

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Posted 12 April 2012 - 04:39 AM

View PostDesertrose, on 11 April 2012 - 04:56 PM, said:

Love those grungy guitars! :)
I see what other people here are commenting on regarding a more grungy rock voice to match the style.
I wonder whether by fiddling with the mix and adding harmonies in places...?
Sounds like one that would come off really well played live.
I enjoyed the listen.


Wow, I totally missed your post earlier Tracy.

Thanks for the listen.

My gut feeling matches what everyone here has said and I need to redo the vocal with a degree of angst and attitude that's lacking in the current performance.

You're probably right in that some harmonies could work within the context of the song as well. I haven't given it much thought before to be honest, but if I can work out some spots for backing vocals I'm sure it'd add to the song. :)

#12 User is offline   satincross Icon

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Posted 22 May 2012 - 02:23 PM

Just uploaded an improved vocal of "Piece by Piece". Still not perfect imo, but there's more angst in my performance and it's definitely an improvement over the previous version I had posted.

LMK what you think. :)

Piece by Piece

#13 User is offline   daryl1968 Icon

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Posted 22 May 2012 - 03:38 PM

Satincross - lovin them geetars.
Cool song although I agree with the points re the vocal performance.
From a production point of view you could spice up the vocal with some distortion or saturation to give it an edge that it doesn't naturally have.

#14 User is offline   satincross Icon

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Posted 22 May 2012 - 09:12 PM

View Postdaryl1968, on 22 May 2012 - 01:38 PM, said:

Satincross - lovin them geetars.
Cool song although I agree with the points re the vocal performance.
From a production point of view you could spice up the vocal with some distortion or saturation to give it an edge that it doesn't naturally have.


Thanks for the comment Daryl, though I can't help but to feel slightly discouraged as I just posted an updated vocal and the previous comments were based on the older version I had posted. :P

#15 User is offline   daryl1968 Icon

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Posted 22 May 2012 - 09:22 PM

View Postsatincross, on 22 May 2012 - 10:12 PM, said:

View Postdaryl1968, on 22 May 2012 - 01:38 PM, said:

Satincross - lovin them geetars.
Cool song although I agree with the points re the vocal performance.
From a production point of view you could spice up the vocal with some distortion or saturation to give it an edge that it doesn't naturally have.


Thanks for the comment Daryl, though I can't help but to feel slightly discouraged as I just posted an updated vocal and the previous comments were based on the older version I had posted. :P



Satincross - there's nothing wrong with the vocal as such - try dirtying them up - the vocal sound is too clean for the track. I mean from a production point of view.
Get some distortion or saturation on there - think of the band Muse's vocal sound.

I'm sorry if I discouraged you - I was really trying to give you some pointers and if you do make some small tweaks, you've got a great song here.

#16 User is offline   satincross Icon

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Posted 22 May 2012 - 09:32 PM

View Postdaryl1968, on 22 May 2012 - 07:22 PM, said:

View Postsatincross, on 22 May 2012 - 10:12 PM, said:

View Postdaryl1968, on 22 May 2012 - 01:38 PM, said:

Satincross - lovin them geetars.
Cool song although I agree with the points re the vocal performance.
From a production point of view you could spice up the vocal with some distortion or saturation to give it an edge that it doesn't naturally have.


Thanks for the comment Daryl, though I can't help but to feel slightly discouraged as I just posted an updated vocal and the previous comments were based on the older version I had posted. :P



Satincross - there's nothing wrong with the vocal as such - try dirtying them up - the vocal sound is too clean for the track. I mean from a production point of view.
Get some distortion or saturation on there - think of the band Muse's vocal sound.

I'm sorry if I discouraged you - I was really trying to give you some pointers and if you do make some small tweaks, you've got a great song here.


No worries, I appreciate the input. :D

Wasn't sure if it was clear that an updated vocal had been posted is all.

#17 User is offline   Goldfish Smith Icon

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Posted 22 May 2012 - 09:48 PM

I feel like I'm getting a mixed message from the lyrics. On one hand, whomever it is you're speaking to is caught in your web, and on the other, something is growing inside of them. External conflict vs. internal conflict. At some point it would be helpful to identify what it is that is "growing from deep within" and "buried within your soul" and then clarify how this captive situation is causing this internal issue.

The vocal, though, seems to be the main topic of discussion right now, so here's my opinion: I think it's at an acceptable level of angst. What I'm not crazy about is that you/the vocalist is falling/trailing off a lot of line-ending notes. It adds to the rock vibe, but like any vocal affectation, it's best used in moderation. Maybe be more selective about on which words trailing off is actually going to be meaningful, and which you can just stick to the melody note.

#18 User is offline   Ferry Icon

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Posted 23 May 2012 - 08:36 AM

Hi there,

Your 2nd version is much better already as for the singing. Another thing is that the chorus stands out from the verses, but not THAT much. At first I had a hard time figuring out what exactly the chorus was.

"I see your pretty eyes" >>you need to practice on this line. And other lines that are sung a bit higher. I also agree with the previous poster, about the ending of lines. Too much of that.

The drums could use more variation. I hear a lot of those two hits on snare/hat (in verses and pre-choruses).

I really like the way the song starts, with that guitar lick. That's the biggest thing in your song in my opinion. I also think this song would benefit from a bit psychedelic guitar solo, at least it's worth a try. I'd also wonder: how can I shorten this song, without losing the message you want to convey and still sound sharp.

There's a lot that needs to be tweaked, but once that's done properly it will be a good rock song.

#19 User is offline   satincross Icon

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Posted 23 May 2012 - 02:43 PM

Goldfish, Ferry, thanks for your comments.

It's good to know that I'm moving in the right direction with this, but re: the comments additional work needs to be done with the vocal before this is complete.

I appreciate all the input. :)

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