[jonie]

It appears that there is enough interest for an "other" lyric contest. Good.

As the hooky lyric has received a number of thumbs up, we'll go with that.

The rules are easy. As Len has pointed out, the challenge is to write a lyric in which the title/hook appears in the 1st verse and the chorus.

The word count of the lyric cannot exceed 100. The number of words in the chorus will only count once no matter how many times it's repeated as long as the chorus doesn't change.

I'll keep the contest open for submissions until August 6th.
Voting will start on August 7th and finish up on the 10th.
I'll announce the winner on August 11th.

General rules are the same as the Monthly Lyric Contest, except where they are not.

Monthly Lyric Contest Rules

1) You may not enter a lyric that has already been posted for critique on the Muse.

2) You must have a minimum of 25 posts on the muse before entering the contest.

3) The winner of each monthly contest will be entered into the LYRIC OF THE YEAR contest held at the end of each year.

4) Send the lyric entry to the Muser running the contest via PM , so they can post it anonymously on your behalf.

5) When the contest closes you will have to score all the other lyrics on a scale of 1 to 10 (whole numbers only). You do not vote for your own lyric. Instead, your lyric will get the average score of the votes you give the others. If you don't send in your scores, your lyric will be disqualified.

6) You can score lyrics even if you have not entered the contest.

7) Only one song entry per month per muser, collaborations are welcome, but both members of the collab must have a Muser ID.

8) You may not enter the lyric to a song that is in the same month's Lyric and Music Contest.

9) Please make sure your grammar and spelling are correct before you submit your lyric. Once it is posted, changes to the lyric cannot be made. (This also includes lyric rewrites, as it is not fair to the other contestants who've already entered).

Please PM your submissions to me.

Have fun!

[jonie]

Closing Time

V1.
Closing time
Drink your beer
Time you were no longer here
Go on home
Get to bed
Got a working day ahead

V2.
Ring that bell
Make it chime
Let them know it’s closing time
Lock the doors
Douse the light
Disappear into the night

Chorus:
I wish I was going home with you, girl
Closing time, please take me home with you

V3.
Dirty eyes
Hair a mess
Body-hugging, low cut dress
Throaty laugh
Cheesy grin
Locks me out but sucks me in

Chorus:
I wish I was going home with you, girl
Closing time, please take me home with you

Bridge:
Closing time comes round again
Still no closer than I’ve ever been

Chorus:
I wish I was going home with you, girl
Closing time, please take me home with you

Chorus:
I wish I was going home with you, girl
Closing time, please take me home with you

[jonie]

Blindsided

The dam is soon to break
It’s gonna flood this town
Buddy, save yourself
Get on up to higher ground
Keep your eyes wide
Or you’ll get blindsided

Do you know how it feels
How it feels to get blindsided

There’s a cold wind blowing
You better get inside
Look for the summer sun
And a better wave to ride
Keep your eyes wide
Or you’ll get blindsided

Do you know how it feels
How it feels to get blindsided

There’s a storm that’s brewing
I think it knows your name
It’s nothing at all personal
But it hits you just the same
Keep your eyes wide
Or you’ll get blindsided

Do you know how it feels
How it feels to get blindsided

[jonie]

SOMEBODY


Somebody's been taking it for free

Somebody, but you know it's not me

Every time I'm out of town

Somebody's been fooling around



Somebody's playing a game

Somebody's going to take the blame

Got my shotgun, pumped and primed

Somebody's paying double time



Somebody is going down tonight

Somebody's going to lose this fight

I came home early from my trip

Somebody done gave me the slip



Somebody - Got a clue

Somebody - I'm not sure who



Somebody better not come back

Somebody won't get any slack

If I find him with my dear wife

Somebody's going to lose his life

[jonie]

Constant Reminder

(V)
You’re a constant reminder
Of things I’ve done Wrong
All the times that I’ve messed up baby
Put down in a song

(V)
You’re a constant reminder
That perfection‘s not me
All the small little flaws that I have
Most people don’t see

(Ch)
You’re a constant, a constant, a constant reminder
And no matter what
You always remind me baby that
you’re all that I’ve got

(V)
You’re a constant reminder
In my diary
Ev’ry Saturday evening
I have somewhere to be

(Ch)
You’re a constant, a constant, a constant reminder
And no matter what
You always remind me baby that
you’re all that I’ve got

(V)
You’re a constant reminder
Of the one thing that’s right
So darling, take off your heels
And lay down tonight

[jonie]

Daffodils Dance

Verse 1
Over pine covered hills
I make my advance
To where cicadas shrill
And daffodils dance

Verse 2
I walk and remember
This brief race I’ve run
Spring to December
Winter’s almost done

Chorus
In my vale of yellow
Warmed by the sun
Daffodils dance
Daffodils dance

Verse 3
Butterflies flutter
Field crickets sing
I’m lost in the clutter
Of remembering

Verse 4
Viewing events
Reliving the past
Mind’s eye is intense
Its images last

Chorus
In my vale of yellow
Warmed by the sun
Daffodils dance
Daffodils dance

Bridge
Somewhere beyond
Earth’s temporal shore
Time continues
Forevermore

Tag
And daffodils dance
Yes, daffodils dance

[jonie]

I like this contest and wanted to put in an entry of my own even though it doesn't count. NOT FOR SCORING PURPOSES

Jonie

What Have You Got To Lose

(V1)
Maybe it's worth it, maybe it's not
Maybe tonight you'll give it a shot
Leaving your fears in the parking lot
What have you got to lose

(V2)
Best of your life is wasting away
Working too hard for too little pay
Digging your rut down into your grave
What have you got to lose

Ch)
Play the game
Or go down in flames
Now is the time to choose
What have you got to lose

V3)
Blur the lines, stray off course
Life is short, exhaust the horse
No one should die without some remorse
What have you got to lose

Chorus

Repeat Chorus

[jonie]

I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU

V1
Out of time and out of room
Out of touch and out of tune
Out of almost everything
But I’m in love with you

CHORUS :
I’m in love with,
I’m in love with,
I’m in love with you

V2
Out of money, out of luck
But maybe things are looking up
I’m not quite out of everything
I’m in love with you

CHORUS X 2

BRIDGE:
Out of everything
Not a clue
Then along comes you

V3
Out of liquor, out of food
Would’ve left if I could
But something’s happ’nin’, something good
I’m in love with you

CHORUS X 4

[jonie]

Haiku

v1
Raw awakening sky
Grey yawns a mountain top
Breathing out the blue
Sore clouds in heavens eyes
Day dawns to kiss the crop
I want more Haiku
c
I want more Haiku:
Creates the picturesque
Setting moods in words so few
I'm moved.. yet I'm at rest
v2
Thinking silver rivers
Reflecting golden thoughts
Nets the sun at noon
Sinking winter shivers
At summers empty ports
I want more Haiku

c
I want more Haiku:
Create the picturesque
Let me in where dreams begin
I'm eager for the text.
o
I want more Haiku
Revealing more of natures truth
I want more Haiku
I want more Haiku.

[jonie]

IF I WERE

If I were a stone, and you were a lake
How far could we skip ? How long would the ripples take ?
If faith were unknown, and hearts didn’t ache
How sound our ship ? How distant the rocks that break ?
If I were far away, I’d yearn to be back home
But I’d long for far horizons if I were

If I were the rock, and you were the sea
Each turn of your tide would render a change in me
If I were a lock, and you were the key
Turning aside to threaten our liberty
If I were far away, I’d yearn to be back home
But I’d long for far horizons if I were

[jonie]

IF THIS WERE A LOVE SONG

If this were a love song
You’d hear every word
You’d move to the music
You’d be deeply stirred

If this were a love song
You’d hum it at night
You’d sing it at sunrise
You’d know it was right

If dreams were worth chasing
If wishes came true
If this were a love song
I’d sing it for you

If this were a love song
You‘d feel it inside
You’d unlock your heart
You’d open it wide

If dreams were worth chasing
If wishes came true
If this were a love song
I’d sing it for you

If this were a love song
You might hear a prayer
You might hear a longing
You might even care

If dreams were worth chasing
If wishes came true
If this were a love song
I’d sing it for you

[jonie]

Elephant In My Room

V1
There's an elephant in my room
He tumbled in one night
Perched upon the window ledge
Blocking out the light

V2
Clambered onto the floor
Then down on his knees
Can’t take this no more
Someone help me please

Ch
Looking, staring
Trunk in the air
Snooking, blaring
Using my chair
Someone better get here soon
There's an elephant in my room

V3
There's an elephant in my room
Playing havoc with my mind
You say you cannot see him
Must be blind

V4
Open up your eyes
Then if you still deny
I guess we’ll both be sleeping
With the elephant again tonight

Ch
Looking, staring
Trunk in the air
Snooking, blaring
Using my chair
Someone better get here soon
There's an elephant in my room

[jonie]

When I win the lottery

When I win the lottery
I'll buy myself a yacht
One foot bigger than
The one my neighbour's got

Chorus
Nobody will look at him
They'll only look at me
He will be so jealous
When I win the lottery

I ride a rusty scooter
Been single all my life
My neighbour drives a Jaguar
With his pretty wife

Chorus
Nobody will look at him
They'll only look at me
He will be so jealous when
I win the lottery

Bridge
Its not fair, its not right
But I hope tonight's the tonight

I checked and checked my numbers
But I'll not play no more
'Cause someone won the jackpot
And the bastard lives next door

Chorus
Nobody will look at him
They'll only look at me
He will be so jealous
When I win the lottery

[jonie]

Time to vote hooky lyricists and non-contestants.

Please PM me your scores by midnight (EST) August 10th.

Score all the other lyrics on a scale of 1 to 10 (whole numbers only). You do not vote for your own lyric. Instead, your lyric will get the average score of the votes you give the others. If you don't send in your scores, your lyric will be disqualified.

You can score lyrics even if you have not entered the contest.

I'll announce the winner August 11th.

List of lyrics:

Closing Time
Blindsided
Somebody
Constant Reminder
Daffodils Dance
I'm in Love with you
Haiki
If I were
If This were a love song
Elephant in my room
When I win the lottery

[jonie]

All the contestants have voted. Waiting to see if any non-contestants decide to cast some last minute votes.

Results tomorrow!

[jonie]

Without further ado

The Hooky Lyric winner is

1st Place
Scubed - If This Were a Love Song

Tied for 2nd Place
NigeQ - Elephant In My Room
and
Graybeard - Daffodils Dance

Congratulations to the winners and a big thank you to our non-contestant voters - kimberlyinnc and bernabby

Bravo to everyone who participated for coming up with some very clever and hooky lyrics.


"If this were a love song", scubed,8,7,7,8,8,7,10,5,7,6,5,8,7,93
"Elephant in my room", NigeQ,5,6,6,7,9,6,7,5,8,5,9,6,8,87
"Daffodils Dance", graybeard,5,7,8,9,7,6,7,5,7,5,6,7,8,87
"When I win the lottery", Len,6,8,5,7,8,8,6,4,8,6,6,5,9,86
"I'm in love with you", neuroron,6,8,9,6,7,6,8,4,8,6,7,4,5,84
"Closing Time", Alistair,6,8,7,7,7,8,9,5,6,3,7,5,6,84
"If I Were", Lazz,7,6,7,7,6,6,7,4,6,4,6,6,5,77
"Haiku", starsinmyeyes,5,7,8,6,7,8,7,3,7,4,4,5,4,75
"Somebody",RKG,6,5,7,6,6,6,6,4,5,4,5,5,7,72
"Blindsided", feegis,5,7,5,6,6,5,7,4,7,5,6,4,5,72
"Constant Reminder", Mr Fitz,5,6,6,7,6,5,6,4,6,5,5,6,4,71

[Alistair S]

Congratulations - Scubed, Nige and Greybeard!

"If this were a love song" was my clear winner and I thought it was the stand-out entry in the contest. I hope you go on to develop it, Sharon!

My other, personal favourite was Ron's entry, "I'm in love with you", then I had Lazz's entry in 3rd spot.

As for my own entry, Jonie let me know that one or two voters scored it down because it was very close to another song called "Closing Time" by a band called Semisonic. Having listened to it, while there are differences, the similarities are way to close (uncannily close?) for comfort and I would have scored it down as well. It's certainly too close to ever be developed further.

It's great to see so many entrants in the hooky contest and I think everyone did a good job.

Thanks to Jonie for running it and to Bernabby and Kim, our non-contestant voters!

[kimberlyinnc]

Congrats to Scubed-
I scored this as my favorite as well. Very pretty song, Sharon!

Congrats also to Nigel and to Greybeard!!

I most especially enjoyed Daffodil's dance. I hope to hear it with music one day. Though it leans more (in my opinion) into the poetic style, I found it very well written and it had some cool images in it. I think with a bleak guitar and maybe some violin it would be so lovely. Some other honorable mentions in my eyes were Nigel's, Lazz, and Mr. Fitz.


I liked the unique contest and wish I had been able to be a part of it, but things just didn't work out for me to get it done in time. Had many ideas floating in my head, but beat myself to death to the point of not completing anything in time


Great job guys!! Thanks for running this Jonie!


Kim

[neuroron]

Good job everyone. I had them scored:

When I win the lottery – 8
Closing Time 8
Haiku –- 8

If This were a love song - 7

If I were – 6
Elephant in my room - 6
Daffodils Dance - 6
Somebody –6

Blindsided– 5
Constant Reminder –5

I'm in Love with you – N/A

I'm a huge Semisonic (/Dan Wilson) fan and except for rhe title and concept "Closing Time" didn't really make me think of their (extremely well known) song. Of course when I think back to the song it's primarily the music/melody and hook line that come back to me - very few of the actual lyrics. - Ron

[feegis]

Congratulations Scubed, Nige, and Graybeard!! All excellent lyrics.

I had Closing Time, I'm In Love With You, and When I Win The Lottery in a three-way tie for first.

I have to say, I've learned something about "economy of words" here. I was impressed to see how much could be packed into 100 words.

I appreciate the "gentle" scoring on my entry. If there's another one of these, I'll come up with something better (ideally, anyway).

Best Regards,
Feegis

[Len]

Well done Scubed and Nige, my top pick by a long way. That's one very clever and funny lyric

And well done to all who entered. Thanks Jonie, nice lyric as well.

This idea came from some songwriting book that said any lyric should be 100 words or less. Maybe for tin pan alley but it's still a good, bracing exercise.

[scubed]

Congratulations, Nige and Greybeard - very nicely done! I really enjoyed reading all the entries - lots of clever ideas in this batch of lyrics!

I had three lyrics bunched closely together at the top and ranked them by small enough increments that the order might change on a different day. I had Len's "When I win the lottery" as #1 - I easily imagined how well that would go over in live performance (particularly if the listeners were imbibing adult beverages to help them unwind from a rough work week ). #2 was NigeQ's "Elephant in my room," which I found exceptionally clever. #3 was Ron's "I'm in Love with you" - I liked the idea of being "out of" everything else but "in love" with you. ("Closing Time" would have been right up there, too, but I was one who was distracted by what seemed to be echoes of the Semisonic lyrics. Sorry, Alistair! )

A BIG thank-you for giving good marks to "If I Were a Love Song" and to Kim and Alistair for your very kind comments. The song is still a bit rough, but I'm planning to test it out at an open mic this weekend. If it goes over well, I'll include it in my set list at a gig I've got later this month. I should have a recording ready soon for the song board soon (she says optimistically ).

Jonie, thanks so much for running the contest! This was fun!

Best regards,

Sharon

[MrFitz]

Hey congrats Scubed for a brilliant lyric!

I had Daffodil's Dance, If this were a love song and Elephant in the room as my top three. So congrats to Graybeard and NigeQ! I loved the imagery in Daffodils Dance and the quirkiness of Elephant (should of guessed it was a Nige lyric!)

Thanks as well to Jonie - was a great contest, was really challenging to do a lyric with just 100 words but thoroughly enjoyable! I think we are going to have to think of some other lyrical parameters for a future contest!

Well done everybody!

John

[Lazz]

I've never heard of Semisonic.
My thoughts turned instead to Tom Waits' debut album "Closing Time".
The title track had no lyrics, though.

"If This Were A Love Song" was a little nugget of perfection.
I was also very taken with "Daffodil's Dance".
But the other one which kept speaking to me was Ron's "I'm in Love With You" - which I kept wishing to change to "I'm Out Of Love With You".

My personal contest, as usual, was in playing guess-the-author.
I only got Len correct.

[NigeQ]

Well done to all the contestants, Scubed and greybeard in particular My top three were (I was unable to separate them) were I'm In Love With You, If This Were A Love Song and When I Win The Lottery.

Thanks too to kimberlyinnc and bernabby for voting and of course jonie for running the comp.

I like this comp, someone mentioned the 'economy of words' and that definitely helps me it focus my mind, unlike that bloomin’ elephant

[jonie]

I feel guilty. I have a sneaking suspicion that running this little contest may have prevented folks from entering into the regular monthly Lyric Contest.

Come on people! Scratch out those great lyrics and send them to NealK.