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July Lyric Contest Now Open for Entries

#1 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 07 July 2011 - 02:30 PM

The July Lyric Contest is now open closed for entries.

SEE HOW TO SCORE AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS THREAD

There is no theme or, special requirement, or restrictions this month, but, we're going to have a quick turnaround on this one because I'm going on vacation. Pay close attention to the deadlines.

Submission Rules:

Standard rules apply (you can read them in full here) but, in short, they are:

- Send your lyric to me (Neal K) by Private Message before the end of Wednesday, July 13 - You must have 25 posts to enter
- Lyrics must not have been posted on the Muse as a lyric or a song.
- No changes to a lyric once it has been submitted

Scoring

When the contest closes, I will provide a list of the lyrics and instructions on how to submit scores.

Scoring will begin on Thursday, July 14 and end midnight July 17th. Winners will be posted on July 18.

Do not send any scores until I announce officialy that the contest is closed and that scoring has commenced.

Neal
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#2 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 08 July 2011 - 10:38 AM

Back From Juvie

You thought that I was gone for good
But you must have misunderstood
I only got a year, I was only sixteen
And now I知 back out here on the scene

And now I知 out here looking for you
Plotting my revenge, what I知 gonna do
Got my knife, got my gun
And you ain稚 got nowhere to run

Why oh why, did you put me in that place?
What did I do to deserve such an awful fate?
Why oh why did you betray your only friend?
Now I知 back and I知 gonna get my revenge

So I guess that you are surprised
Come on boy look me in the eyes
You got it coming what you deserve
Come on, boy, don稚 lose your nerve

Late last year you were actin tough
Now I知 back and I致e had enough
You got it coming to you now
As I fulfill my vow

Chorus

If you try to run away
I will hound you both night and day
You値l see my anger, feel the pain
You値l feel my fist falling like the rain

Gonna take everything you hold dear
Poison your mind , drown you in the fear
Nothing you can do, nothing you can say
To make me go away

Chorus
Now I知 back and I知 gonna get my revenge
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#3 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 08 July 2011 - 10:39 AM

Star in Another World

It痴 half past one and the rain has gone,
This town damp as a wishin well.
Our Grandma痴 there rockin in her chair,
Forever shakes that ringin bell.

She痴 stuck in time rationin bread and wine,
As tears they begin to fall.
Lightin up the porch with her lover痴 torch
His shadows are callin for,

A star in another time,
She was a star in another time.

Her red hair as bright as a sunlit night,
Wearing pearls and soft silk tights.
Whistling like wolves guys popped their skulls,
Entranced in their star-crossed lulls.
Who would have thought that, Grand pa痴 wife?
Was a star in another life?
Star in another life.

Once a girl born in the First World War,
Did her best to stay alive.
Aspirations grew as she sailed through,
Auditions and camera lights.

Her past unnamed but her Hollywood fame
Still glistens in her light blue eyes.
Puttin down her bell as she starts to tell,
The story of how she became.

A star in another time,
She was a star in another time.

Stirrin up a ruse down the avenues,
Swayin and singin the blues,
Oh how those shoes made the floorboards move,
Dancin round those disco rooms,
Who would have thought that, Grand pa痴 wife?
Was a star in another life?
Star in another life.

Night turns to day she痴 still rockin away,
But her lips are as cold as stone.
She痴 gone back in time to 1945,
With those jewels hangin from her throne.

Her lover痴 come back with his medals in tact,
As he places in her hand a pearl.
He grasps her tightly and whispers lightly,
塑ou池e still my star, Jeanie girl.

Star in another World.
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#4 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 11 July 2011 - 11:05 AM

Fading Away

Don't know whose party it was
but I did know the floor
I'd been drinking all night long and I
couldn't take any more
Lights went out at daybreak stirred at
three in the afternoon
Next thing I saw was a starry night
turning over I was on the moon

Just make out her breathing
and the rise and fall of the sheets
Dark hair splayed on the pillow
on my face her breath was warm and sweet
Well maybe I'm getting better 'cause felt
guilty not knowing her name
But I caressed her in the moonlight please god
capture this night in my brain

The shadow I cast, is fading away
Though my friends all say that I知 looking ok
I致e started on a journey, crossed a new frontier
Let me tell you while I can
I値l always be here

Familiar streets roamed lost
with a suitcase in each hand
Don't know where I'm going to
can't remember what it was I'd planned
Then a car pulls-up along side and a
woman gently takes my hand
See her dark hair on the pillow
She holds me, for now I do understand

The shadow I cast, is fading away
Though my friends all say that I知 looking ok
I致e started on a journey, crossed a new frontier
Let me tell you while I can
I値l always be here

Sitting on the shore, trying to be brave
Building up defenses with each dig of a spade
But as fast as there池e built up
They crumble down with each wave

The shadow I cast, is fadiing away
Though my friends all say that I知 looking ok
I致e started on a journey, crossed a new frontier
Let me tell you while I can
I値l always be here

Let me tell you while I can
I値l always be here
I値l always be here
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#5 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 12 July 2011 - 11:14 AM

Next to Me

I awake each morning
And feel you by my side
Breathing softly, still asleep
Dreamscapes fill your mind
I think of all that we致e been through
And all that痴 yet to be
And the thing that I知 most grateful for
Is you there next to me

CHORUS:
Next to me
Next to me
I always want you
Right there next to me

Every time I trip and fall
And think the world will end
You pick me up and dust me off
A true and constant friend
You make me laugh when life痴 a mess
You make the good times better
I hope to see your smiling face
Forever and forever

CHORUS

BRIDGE:
Oh but when we come together
In the softness of the night
Your touch ignites a universe
Of majesty and light

CHORUS

And now as we embark
On the journey of our lives
I stand here as your husband
You stand there as my wife
We face the world together
That痴 how it should be
舛ause we can get through anything
You there next to me

CHORUS X 2
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#6 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 12 July 2011 - 11:15 AM

AND SHE WAITS

V1
Sometimes she shuts her eyes against the glare
Other times she just sits and stares
Watching as the phantoms flicker by
For some familiar face to catch her eye

V2
She can稚 explain what isn稚 feeling right
So much now seems hidden from her sight
There are strangers who keep coming through her door
She doesn稚 wonder at them anymore

CH:
And she waits for that unclouded day
When all will be clear and bright
When she will fly away
On wings of love and light

V3
Sometimes the traces of a girlish smile
Will linger on her face a little while
As she talks again with friends in youth痴 first bloom
Somewhere beyond this sparsely-furnished room

V4
Sometimes she痴 once again the loving bride
Expecting him to come back to her side
In those moments she forgets about the tears
When she lost him after fifty seven years

CH:
And she waits for that unclouded day
When all will be clear and bright
When she will fly away
On wings of love and light

Bridge:
The narratives and stories that she prized
The photographs so neatly organized
Vanished when a thieving wind tore through
And stole and scattered everything she knew

V5
A face she knows that she should recognize
Gazes down with loving, grieving eyes
She reached for a half-familiar hand
And weeps for all she cannot understand

CH:
And she waits for that unclouded day
When all will be clear and bright
When she will fly away
On wings of love and light

When she will fly away
On wings of love and light
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#7 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 12 July 2011 - 04:41 PM

Cold Weather痴 Rough On The Sparrows

Verse 1
He sings for his supper; his breakfast too
Days seem to pass him in a blur
Singing is the way he makes do
So he sings his songs undeterred

Verse 2
Some days he makes enough to rent a room
Some days he sleeps in an alley
He has no fear of impending doom
It痴 only hard to sleep when he痴 hungry

Chorus
Dandelion seeds floating on the breeze
Like tiny paratroopers in a meadow
Autumn痴 coming on bringing winter痴 severity
Cold weather痴 rough on the sparrows

Verse 3
He used to play better but he痴 getting older
His hands and fingers hurt him a bit
Bursitis sometime flares up in his right shoulder
Where scar tissue marks war痴 hit

Chorus
Dandelion seeds floating on the breeze
Like tiny paratroopers in a meadow
Autumn痴 coming on bringing winter痴 severity
Cold weather痴 rough on the sparrows

Bridge
He remembers A Shau Valley in a song
And sings it with tears in his eyes
He knows he値l see his comrades before too long
The reunion might be tonight

Chorus
Dandelion seeds floating on the breeze
Like tiny paratroopers in a meadow
Autumn痴 coming on bringing winter痴 severity
Cold weather痴 rough on the sparrows

Tag
Yeah, cold weather痴 rough on the sparrows
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#8 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 13 July 2011 - 12:43 PM

The Universe

V1
An ancient supernova's light willl reach our earth tonight
It forged a ferrous heart with the last week of its' life
Fusion ceased, it's fuel decreased, this iron nuclei
Relents at last to gravity and falls out of the sky....

Chorus
Spend a moment with it
In the freshness of the night
Let it take your breath away
Your senses will delight.
The moon is sagely silent
The owls are taking flight
Won't you spend a single moment
With the Universe tonight

V2
The sky's a perfect body, with everything in place
The only thing it's missing is the smile upon your face
Falling stars are tears it sheds, the sun's it's beating heart
The Universe deserves our loving it is living art.

Chorus
Spend a moment with it
In the freshness of the night
Let it take your breath away
Your senses will delight.
The moon is sagely silent
The owls are taking flight
Won't you spend a single moment
With the Universe tonight

Bridge
You don't know what you're missing
These arms around your life
The Universe is kissing you
Will you respond tonight...?

V3
The Universe it ties us all, the Universe it binds
We're all connected to each other: planets are aligned
If we could work in unison, surely we would see
There's a perfect Universe inside both you and me

So won't you...

Chorus
Spend a moment with me
In the freshness of the night
Let me take your breath away
Your senses will delight.
The moon is sagely silent
The owls are taking flight
Won't you spend a single moment
In my Universe tonight.
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#9 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 13 July 2011 - 12:44 PM

Yes Man

(verse 1)
Tell him what he wants to hear
Say it to him loud and clear
That痴 exactly why I知 here
Yes, sir, I知 a yes man

He needs every single stroke
To keep his ego fully stoked
Laugh at every stupid joke
Yes, sir, I知 a yes man

Bamboozled by a blind ego
There痴 something that he doesn稚 know

(chorus)
I知 a yes man with a plan
An opportunist, understand
While he痴 lapping up every word
I値l make him look so damn absurd
舛uz he痴 sucked in too far to see
I知 not what I appear to be at all

(verse 2)
Yes, sir, you look good in pink
And, no, sir, that plan doesn稚 stink
Don稚 worry what the others think
Yes, sir, I知 a yes man

Yes, sir, pierced ears are your style
I致e got your back all the while
Always served up with a smile
Yes, sir, I知 a yes man

Bamboozled by a blind ego
There痴 something that he doesn稚 know

(chorus)

(bridge)
When it痴 time I値l play it cool
Offer a seat on a rigged stool
Set him up to look the fool
And watch him come crashing down

(verse 3)
Now I知 sitting at the top
A close eye on the second spot
Wondering just what it is she痴 got
Hidden up her sleeve
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#10 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 13 July 2011 - 12:46 PM

BREAK AND BEND

When she turned twenty in late November
He packed his dreams and moved in with her
And decided they should go and find the West
As she spent days praying for only the best

Now she痴 sitting up against his beat up car
Watching him leave a footprint on her heart
Playing with the silver plated locket he gave
Now she痴 barefoot and screaming in the rain

Another one left to fit the mold made by love
No one tells our hearts to stop and give it up

CHOURS
Sometimes someone comes along
You think it must be the only one
And you end up with two halves
Begging for your innocence back
And time will heal all your wounds
Till love finds you over the moon
And you realize where you致e been
And know you have to break and bend

She痴 swinging through the rotating doors
That she tells her friends is her new life
Autumn kisses don稚 come to mind anymore
As she hung her heartache on the clothes line

But here he stands before her, in her way
It痴 one more chance given to start a new day
There痴 no need to hide the scar she bares
'Cause this handsome stranger's been there

Another one left to fit the mold made by love
No one tells our hearts to stop and give it up

CHOURS

You break and you bend
You lose someone and love again
You cry and you laugh
Wanting those memories back
And you come to know life as a friend
When you have to break and bend
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#11 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 13 July 2011 - 02:47 PM

Come Morning

Watching the sun setting on the lake
The darkness comes creeping in
A steady dimming, like the hope within a lonesome heart
So I stare at the flickering lights
While my trembling fingers strike a single match
And I see your eyes through my own insecurity

I pray this night will last forever
I dread the rising of the sun
Your sparkling eyes will dim from my sight
Like starlight fading in the dawn
I fear come morning, you値l be gone

Where the sun once blazed, only candles remain
And rains come sweeping over
A sudden shower like the sorrow of a broken heart
So I stare at the roiling clouds
While my nervous fingers tap a cigarette
And I search my memory for the dreams that comfort me

I pray this night will last forever
I dread the rising of the sun
Your fragrant scent will fade from my breath
Like petals adrift across the pond
I fear come morning, you値l be gone

In the heavens the stars once claimed
Faint reflections chase the waning flames
Tumbling to earth, one final ember
Closing my eyes, I値l always remember...

I pray this night will last forever
I dread the rising of the sun
Your gentle kiss will fade from my lips
Like dreams swept away by the dawn
I fear come morning, you値l be gone
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#12 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 13 July 2011 - 02:48 PM

One More Smile Left to Fake

Last night I lit the wrong end of a cigarette
Raised a glass to our last happy photograph
I never once crossed your mind, that's a safe bet
while thoughts of you almost broke me in half


Today I cut myself shaving and bled in the sink
went to work with blood stained tissue on my face
Tried desperately to hide I was on the brink
of being tagged a fool or a basket-case


Chorus
I'll be alright
I'll be ok
Even when lonesome starts pounding,
drowning me like a tidal wave
And when what was once a perfectly good heart
succumbs to another dose of ache
I'll be ok 'cause
I've got one more smile left to fake



Tonight I'll go to bed early, but I won't sleep
because my mind will visit you a thousand times
and while my failing heart struggles to breathe
it'll hold on 'til something jolts it back to life


Chorus
I'll be alright
I'll be ok
Even when lonesome starts pounding,
drowning me like a tidal wave
And when what was once a perfectly good heart
succumbs to another dose of ache
I'll be ok 'cause
I've got one more smile left to fake

Bridge
Everything that's broken finds a will to mend
but if that will to live starts to cave in
I'll find the strength to get past it again
Scars grow the thickest kind of skin

Chorus
I'll be alright
I'll be ok
Even when lonesome starts pounding,
drowning me like a tidal wave
And when what was once a perfectly good heart
succumbs to another dose of ache
I'll be ok 'cause
I've got one more smile left to fake


I've got one more smile...
left to fake
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#13 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 13 July 2011 - 02:49 PM

Jerusalem

I am a pilgrim in a cell
I am acquainted with this hell
I'm getting tired of the smell
in Jerusalem

Many will die and few are saved
We cannot move in this stockade
And in in the prison that I've made
there's Jerusalem

There's Jerusalem
Jerusalem..
Jerusalem..

Deep in the shackles of this dream
Things are never what they seem
I am beholden to your kings
Jerusalem

And in the solitary well
I do not know how far I fell
I have no other soul to sell
to Jerusalem

To Jerusalem
Jerusalem..
Jerusalem..

(Bridge)
In the dawn of my enlightenment
I came to seek your confinement

But I still seek you in this frame
I can't walk your streets of pain
I can only say your name...
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#14 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 14 July 2011 - 10:19 AM

MIDNIGHT SUN

The midnight sun is coming
Pushing back the darkness
I can feel it rising
Summer days never end


Say hello to nature
On an early morning
Gonna climb that mountain
Smiles at me as a friend

If the clouds were higher
They would catch on fire
Burn with all of my cares

I can sense the power
Of this finest hour
Do my best to blend in

The midnight sun is coming
Pushing back the darkness
I can feel it rising
Summer days never end
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#15 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 14 July 2011 - 10:23 AM

The lyric contest is now closed for entries, and it's time to submit your scores.

Simply give each lyric a score between 1 and 10, and submit that score to me via private message.

If you have entered this contest, you are required to vote, but do not score your own lyric.

Scoring ends Midnight, Pacific Standard time, Sunday, July 17.

Winners will be posted sometime the following day.

Here are the titles:

Back From Juvie
Star in Another World
Fading Away
Next to Me
And She Waits
Cold Weather's Rough on the Sparrows
The Universe
Yes Man
Break and Bend
Come Morning
One More Smile Left to Fake
Jerusalem
Midnight Sun
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#16 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 18 July 2011 - 11:01 AM

The results are in and here are the winners:

1st Place
Jerusalem
Wendy D

2nd Place
And She Waits
scubed

One lyric was diqualified because the writer did not provide scores.

Thanks to all who participated - and special thanks to Daddio, our lone non-participant voter this month.

Here are the overall results:


Jerusalem, Wendy D 5 8 7 8 8 9 9 8 6 6 7 7 6 : 94
And She Waits, scubed 9 8 8 7 6 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 5 : 92
The Universe, Stars in my eyes 7 6 7 8 5 7 10 7 5 8 7 8 6 : 91
Next to Me, neuroron 5 7 6 8 5 7 8 7 5 6 9 8 7 : 88
One More Smile Left to Fake, Kimberlyinnc 6 7 5 7 6 7 7 9 7 6 7 8 5 : 87
Cold Weather's Rough on Sparrows, graybeard 6 8 5 7 6 7 7 7 6 9 8 6 4 : 86
Come Morning, Gordon 8 6 6 6 6 10 7 8 6 5 6 6 4 : 84
Yes Man, Feegis 6 6 7 7 7 8 7 5 8 6 7 6 3 : 83
Star in Another World, illusions89 6 8 5 6 5 7 7 6 7 6 6 6 5 : 80
Break and Bend, klo 7 6 5 7 6 6 7 7 6 6 6 5 5 79
Midnight Sun, RKG 3 5 7 7 7 6 6 5 5 6 7 7 4 : 75
Fading Away, Andy Lef 7 7 5 5 5 7 6 5 6 5 7 5 3 : 73
Back From Juvie, PigfarmerJr 6 5 6 5 5 5 6 5 6 5 6 5 4 : 69
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#17 User is offline   feegis Icon

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Posted 18 July 2011 - 12:04 PM

Congratulations Wendy D and Scubed!! Both excellent lyrics and both deserving.

I had The Universe as my top pick. I actually had it tied with Jerusalem, but then I bumped it up. I think my reason was that it matched the image and feeling I get from one of my favorite lines in music :"Yes, to dance beneath a diamond sky with one hand waving free" - and I figured anything that starts me thinking of Bob Dylan must be pretty good.

And She Waits is such a moving lyric. I'd like to hear that one (both of them, actually)

So, The Universe edged out Jerusalem, and I had Ron's Next To Me coming in third, with some others very close behind. Kim's One More Smile to Fake is just a great, great idea, and Gordon's Come Morning has the detailed imagery that I've come to expect from him. And, once again, I thought Klo's Break and Bend would have come in higher.

There were a lot of good lyrics this month. I thought, collectively, this was some of the most inspired writing.

Thanks, Neal, for running the show, and thanks to Daddio for voting!

#18 User is offline   neuroron Icon

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Posted 18 July 2011 - 03:22 PM

Congratulations to all. I had 鄭nd She Waits at the top followed right behind with a four way tie for second with: Jerusalem, Midnight Sun, The Universe and Yes Man.

Good work! Ron
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#19 User is offline   kimberlyinnc Icon

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Posted 18 July 2011 - 07:20 PM

Congrats to Wendy and to Scubed!! :)

Well done, ladies!


I liked Jerusalem, a lot, and it is very well writen, but I was left not quite getting the meaning as much as I wanted to, that is one thing that held it back a tiny bit for me. I was unsure if it was about a real prisoner of war or about a love affair where this person feels trapped. I could have been seeing it all wrong and if so, I am sorry. But I do appreciate the writing.
I had As She Waits at 3rd place. It was a beautiful picture of the lonliness of getting older and alzheimers. What put it at 3rd for me was the length seemed it would be a tiny bit long when sung,(could be wrong) and a few of the lines seemed longer than the same lines on other verses, and singing it in my head, it seems off in those couple of places. I could be hearing it wrong, but it is well done. The images are really awesome, and with a couple of tweaks it will be so good... I just hope this one is put to music..


My favorite was Greybeard's Cold Weather's Rough on the Sparrows. I liked the story, the images I gained when I read it and the metaphor used.
My 2nd choice was The Universe. Good job Stars! I am not usually one that loves scientific songs, as this had some notes of that, but the message in the chorus was really cool!!

This month had a really good group of songs and I must say that I found things in every single lyric that I liked. :) I didn't read one that I disliked at all.

Thanks Neal for running the contest again. :) B) Enjoy your vacation!

I will try to comment more on the other lyrics if they put them on the lyrical board, if anyone is interested. I plan to post mine and would love suggies on it.

Again , congrats to Sharon and Wendy!!

Kimberly

ps. Thanks Feegis for your kind words about my entry.
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#20 User is offline   klo Icon

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Posted 18 July 2011 - 07:31 PM

So glad to see Jerusalem won! That was one of my fav's. So beautiful and simple.

#21 User is offline   starsinmyeyes Icon

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Posted 18 July 2011 - 07:48 PM

Wow Wendy! Congratulations on your win! Your lyric was my second pick! What I really loved about it, was that it was cleverly simple and complex at the same time. In truth, when I first read the title, I mentally dismissed it. But as in this case, I find that really great writing has the ability to transcend one's preconceptions (whatever they may be) and this lyric did that for me, so very very very well done :D :D .

My Top pick this month was Gordon's Come Morning, (I loved the imagery and the poetic voice) and I had feegis's Yes Man third :) .

Thanks for the support on The Universe, I was very happy with my scores :D .

And thanks Neal for running the comp and the quick turn around - I liked it like that :) !
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#22 User is offline   scubed Icon

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Posted 19 July 2011 - 04:39 AM

Congratulations to my friend Wendy! :) :) :) Once again, I had no idea she was in the contest, and once again I had her lyric as one of my top picks.

I had Ron's "Next to Me" at the top - it flows very naturally to music in my head and has a sweet pop-song vibe. Close behind were "The Universe" - such lovely imagery, Stars! - and "Jerusalem."

As always, I enjoyed reading all of the entries. :)

Thanks to Daddio for voting, and many thanks to Neal for running the show! (And enjoy your vacation!)

Regards to all,

Sharon
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#23 User is offline   daddio Icon

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Posted 19 July 2011 - 06:03 AM

Congratulations to my homeys, Wendy and Scubed. Wendy, Scubed, and I all live in the Atlanta area and got together to form a songwriter's group about a year ago. They've been showing some great songs at our meetings so this doesn't surprise me.
My actual top choice was Ron's Next To Me but Jerusalem and And She Waits were both high on my list. I expect to hear each of these songs performed at our next meeting, ladies. Stop holding back.
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#24 User is offline   Wendy D Icon

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Posted 19 July 2011 - 02:11 PM

Congratulations to Scubed and all the writers! I was a little shocked Jerusalem won. I think I had Ron and Greybeard's lyrics as my two top contenders. I liked the sentiment in Ron's and I liked the images that Cold Weather's Rough on Sparrows conjured up for me.

However, they were all pretty good and it was hard to pick a winner.

Jerusalem is a bit vague. That was a purposeful decision I made when I started writing it. I have a recording of it, but haven't posted it yet. I would like to redo it the audio before I post it and it's on my large "to do" list. The lyric is based on an image or fleeting memory of a dream I was having one morning. There was a man sitting in a prison cell, looking at a picture or tapestry of an ancient city. I decided the city was Jerusalem for obvious symbolic reasons. On a literal level, it's about the man. But I also wanted to touch on the nature of paradise and captivity. I guess I didn't want to limit it to one idea or one interpretation. I think we all live in that flux somewhere.

Thanks to Neil (for running the contest) and thanks to everyone who voted for Jerusalem!
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#25 User is offline   Alistair S Icon

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Posted 20 July 2011 - 05:40 AM

Shame on me for not voting (though I was away for most of this)!

Congratulations to the winners! While I enjoyed many of the lyrics this month, my personal favourite would likely have been Next To Me. I'm also surprised that Yes Man didn't do better, and I could hear it being sung.
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#26 User is offline   Gordon Icon

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Posted 20 July 2011 - 05:03 PM

Congratulations, Wendy and Scubed!

The short turnaround in scoring is not necessarily good for me - i tend to be very deliberate in scoring, but between the short week and oppressive work lately, i didn't have that much time to ponder. Early on i had Jerusalem fairly low, but put a big question mark by it because it seemed like one i should be liking... i eventually moved it up to 5th place i think it was... it is nice and simple, yet ambiguous and even a Creed-like hint at some religiosity, and i usually go for ambiguity... given a little more time, Jerusalem probably would have crept up farther. Good thing you didn't need me!

I had Feegis' "Yes Man" in first. I caught a rhythm off of it right away, and working at a large consulting engineering firm, i can really identify with the topic - so this month i'm back on the same page with you, Feegis, and still think you've been on quite the roll!

I had Scubed's And She Waits in second... very moving and sad, and subject matter that is pretty original.

I also really liked Kim's (in particular a very nice hook, i think) and illusion89's, which left me with a melancholy feeling similar to Scubed's...

I agree with others that there was something to really like in each one - klo's "outtro" i thought was very nice; ron's first verse was really strong; and i'm not sure why i didn't score The Universe higher - looking at it again it has the sciency stuff in there i kind of like, and it really suddenly strikes me as very They Might Be Giants-like...

well, as i said, i tend to mull and ponder quite a bit, so a quick turnaround maybe i miss some things...

and thanks Feegis and Stars for your props! I needed a pick me up for a variety of reasons... and after watching my contest scores steadily declining month after month, i decided to graph them and run a trend analysis and i was dangerously close to having my lame lyric-writing become statistically significant!! :lol: This month reversed the trend a tad!

#27 User is offline   PigfarmerJr Icon

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Posted 20 July 2011 - 08:49 PM

I just wanted to apologize to all the other entrants. You deserved votes from me but I had a vacation and a return to work that is less than optimal. I'm very sorry and thanks to everyone who took the time to read my entry.
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#28 User is offline   AndyLeF Icon

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Posted 21 July 2011 - 04:26 PM

I could only separate all the lyrics this month in a 5-8 range; so good consistent writing from everyone I thought.

I had a four way tie for 1st: 鉄tar, 鄭nd She Waits, 鼎ould Weather痴 Rough on Sparrows (what a great title!!) and 笛erusalem.

I壇 made up my mind against 笛erusalem from the title and then got totally pulled into its depths! great job WendyD!!

Not too surprised at my position it was always going to be a tough to get a 蘇it out of a lyric on Alzheimer痴 - but that possibility wouldn稚 stop me exploring the subject in a lyric, especially having had a couple of family members go that terrible way.

Again, great job this month everyone and Neal - have a great vacation!

Andy
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#29 User is offline   Gordon Icon

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Posted 22 July 2011 - 05:42 AM

Aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrggggggghhhhhh!

Andy, i'm an idiot!

I didn't get that Fading Away was about Alzheimer's! I got that Sharon's was... how weird is that...?

I read Fading Away as about a guy who spent his youth partying/cavorting, he's growing old, finds a new woman and wants to try to settle down and be more responsible before it is "too late" or something. It kind of works on that level, too... but Alzheimer's certainly explains a couple of the little question marks i put near a few of my "nits" on the lyric...

... for instance i thought the verse starting "familiar streets roamed lost" was more symbolic than literal... but i put a question mark by the car pulling up wondering why the woman from after the party, in V2, was chasing after him in a car...

See - this is exactly why i generally like to take more time to get through these things... i'm rather obtuse at times! :lol:

Well, i liked Fading Away pretty well as it was, Andy and had it ranked #6... but i may still owe you a point!

BTW - saw your email from the JUNE Contest - yeah, that bar is pretty good, especially in the summer. They have a good patio, good menu, internet connection, and i can walk to it from home. There are several bars i like better closer to work, but i can't walk to/from them, so they're not so convenient to hang out on a weekend and maybe do some work with a pint in the sunshine.

But, weirdly enough, they lost their internet service the weekend after that - and i'd been relying on them because i'd lost mine in late May! I was keeping up w/ posts here for awhile between that place (Coach's) and squeezing in a little time before work by getting here at 6 am or so... but then when work blew up on me and i had nowhere to go outside - well, i lost touch here for too long and i also neglected to post some thanks on crits of my last couple lyrics, so i have some making up to do!

#30 User is offline   feegis Icon

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Posted 22 July 2011 - 08:23 AM

Yeah, I didn't see Fading Away about Alzheimer's, either. I think that first verse had me going in a completely differrent direction.

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