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June Lyric Contest WE HAVE OUR WINNERS

#1 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 04 June 2011 - 01:07 PM

The June Lyric Contest is now open closed for entries.

See the last thread for scoring details.

There is no theme or, special requirement, or restrictions this month.

Submission Rules:

Standard rules apply (you can read them in full here) but, in short, they are:

- Send your lyric to me (Neal K) by Private Message before the end of Sunday, June 19 - You must have 25 posts to enter
- Lyrics must not have been posted on the Muse as a lyric or a song.
- No changes to a lyric once it has been submitted

When the contest closes, I will provide a list of the lyrics and instructions on how to submit scores
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#2 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 06 June 2011 - 07:09 PM

Sitting In A Chair

Listen here old man….
This ain’t the life you planned
Here in the dark all alone
No one here to call your own
Only a flickering flame
To tell you, you’re alive
And isn’t it fine….

There’s no words to express yourself
Because no one knows who you are
Having trouble dressing yourself
And you cant even drive your car

CHORUS
You are sitting in a chair
Thinking of her…
Long red hair, pale skin…German accent
Now she’s long gone
You are sitting in a chair
Thinking of him…
Messy blonde hair, freckles and glasses
Now he’s long gone
And your still sitting in a chair

Come here old man….
Tell me good days of Michigan
What was it that you did
What kind of life did you live
Let the candle light your face
So that you can see mine
And see its alright….

Here lies a framed photograph
Of an old smile you would wear
Sorry, if I am intruding on you
I can see I brought down a tear
Now your just...

CHORUS

BRIDGE
The grass was just cut
There in that picture of us
That is my wife and that’s my son
And that life had only begun
I just sit and reminisce
Thinking of all that they have missed
And I cant help but to ignore
This lonely life I don’t adore…so I just

CHORUS 2
Sit here in this chair
Thinking of her
I sit here in this same chair
Thinking of him
Now that they’re gone
I am here to carry on
And I am just sitting in this chair
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#3 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 06 June 2011 - 07:14 PM

Woman at Ritz n Rhone

Been a mighty day’s labour
Working the hands of time
And the evening’s even harder
With nobody to make me fine

I’ll grab my hat and jacket
And go walkin’ between the lines
To fulfil my superstition
That a woman can change the tides.

One day I‘ll say hello
To the woman who sits alone
Sippin’ her gin and tonic
Wearin’ every jewel she owns
Her blue eyes tell a story
Of a sorrow that I’ve known
One day I’ll say hello
To the woman at Ritz n Rhone.

Even though we’ve never spoken
I know all she’s ever told
From the moment our eyes played-over
‘Til it’s time the bells do toll

Her husband’s bruised her plenty
In her drink she tries to hide
Her heart runnin’ on empty
That screams out from inside

One day I‘ll say hello
To the woman who sits alone
Sippin’ her gin and tonic
Wearin’ every jewel she owns
Her blue eyes tell a story
Of a sorrow that I’ve known
One day I’ll say hello
To the woman at Ritz n Rhone.

Her diamond necklace sparkles
I’m forever in this daze
She makes my evenings fly by
She takes me outta’ this place.

She’s a toffee jar type princess
But sincerity’s in her ways
I’d meet her ‘til the cows come home
From tomorrow ‘til yesterdays.

One day I‘ll say hello
To the woman who sits alone
Sippin’ her gin and tonic
Wearin’ every jewel she owns
Her blue eyes tell a story
Of a sorrow that I’ve known
One day I’ll say hello
To the woman at Ritz n Rhone.

But until that day arrives
I’ll be dreamin’ in my pint.
Imaginin’ what life‘d be like
With that woman by my side

She pays ten dollars then dives
Winks at me and says goodbye
I guess I’ll never know why
That woman caught my eye.

Why didn’t I just say hello
To the woman at Ritz n Rhone.
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#4 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 11 June 2011 - 06:58 PM

Hollywood Dreams

V1
Jesse hit LA
21 and beautiful
Ready to set the town on fire
Last year’s Miss Nebraska
10K in her purse
On her way to be a star
But the movies didn’t want her
The money didn’t last
Today she’s waiting tables
Tonight she’s in the cast, of her…

CHORUS:
Hollywood dreams
Hollywood dreams
At night when she’s asleep
She’s a star up on the screen, of her
Hollywood dreams
(Her) Hollywood dreams

V2
(The) Camera loves her
(It) Zooms in close
Jesse’s stealing every scene
No auditions
She’s in demand
Life is great in Jesse’s dreams
Then there’s reality
Bad job, long hours
She’s just a waitress but
Tonight she’ll be the star, of her…

CHORUS

BRIDGE:
She’s had her fill, she’s had enough
But she won’t give in, she won’t give up
Jesse knows
She can’t let go
Of her…

CHORUS
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#5 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 11 June 2011 - 06:59 PM

A life of purpose

Moving up, I supersized my home
Marble counter tops and chrome
My own gated villa in the sun
Isn't life a failure if I dont have one?
But sometimes when the kids are off at choir
And I’m there alone with my Pinot Noir
I want to stop this circus
And live a life of purpose

Is life about having better things?
Showing off at family gatherings
Beating the Jones until they run
Bright BMW parked out in the sun
Is this world really what I need?
I've traded up my life, why do I still bleed?
I want to stop this circus
And live a life of purpose

Got to work, save for college fees
There are no financial guarantees
Every year seems shorter than the last
Watching as my kids are growing up so fast
Sometimes I look at others who have traded it away
Trying to preach to me, Well get out of my way
I can’t stop this circus
To live a life of purpose
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#6 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 15 June 2011 - 11:25 AM

The Shadows Are Behind Me

Verse 1
It's late in the day
And I've still got a ways to go
I think I can make it
Even if you don't

Chorus
You may not have faith in me
But I can finally see
Where I'm going...where to put my feet
The shadows are behind me
The shadows are behind me

Verse2
You say, “Give it away...
You'll fail - it’s all you’ve ever known”
I'll leave you to your nightshade.
This glittering path is now my home.

Chorus x2
You may not have faith in me
But I can finally see
Where I'm going...where to put my feet
The shadows are behind me
The shadows are behind me...now

Tag
If you look up - in the sky
You might even see my smile...
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#7 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 16 June 2011 - 04:52 PM

Loving Tree

I know your face
I see your smile
We've not met
But in a while
You are here
In my dreams
Loving me

And all will see
How we shine
And how we climb
The loving tree

You take my hand
Your eyes aglow
As I ascend
you will grow
Ever near
In my dreams
Lost in me

And all will see
How we shine
And how we climb
The loving tree

Forbidden fruits
Now ours to share
Limbs entwined
We will dare
Oh in my dreams
Lose ourselves
In ecstasy

Then all will see
How we shine
And how we climb
and climb
and we climb
We climb high
in the loving tree
We climb the loving tree

No fear of heights
From way up here
Eyes shut tight
But you're so clear

And all will see
How we climbed
The loving tree
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#8 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 16 June 2011 - 04:55 PM

PLAYING WITH DOLLS

VERSE 1:
It all feels like a dream to me, sitting here looking back.
The preacher looks towards us to see if there’s anything we lack.
A smiling happy couple, before our family and our friends.
Professing our undying love for a future without end.

If only I had known back then what lay in wait for me.
If only my eyes were open, but I was too blind to see…

CHORUS:
… That you were an angel on the outside, with a devil lurking deep.
One person living two lives, both Beauty and the Beast.
My friends called me the lucky one, “She’s a doll to say the least.”
Well, you may be “Barbie” on the outside, but you’re “Chucky” underneath.

VERSE 2:
Moving in together to our new bought family home.
I worked so hard to prove myself, for our future yet unknown.
A year or so we’re lovers, but I’d be surprised if it were two,
Before you started inviting others between the sheets with you.

For our anniversary, you confessed to what you’d done.
While I was building a new home for us, you were out there on the run!

CHORUS:
‘Cause you were an angel on the outside, with a devil lurking deep.
One person living two lives, both Beauty and the Beast.
My friends called me the lucky one, “She’s a doll to say the least.”
Well, you may be Barbie on the outside, but you’re Chucky underneath.

BRIDGE:
Well you can keep that pink convertible,
I’ll keep this Dream House built for two.
You can’t afford it anyway, after your make-up and your shoes.

You think you’re something special.
Trust me… you’re not one of a kind.
Over a billion Barbies have been sold since 1959.

(Instrumental)

VERSE 3:
I’m free and on my own now, a new love’s taken your place.
We were hand-in-hand together when you walked up to my face.
You came strutting up to us, but before you made a sound,
She said, “Sorry to have to tell you Chuck, there’s no sequel this time around”.

My eyes were finally opened. At last the blind could see.
When I saw you in her kung-fu grip I thought, “now SHE’S the doll for me.”

CHORUS:
Cause you’re an angel on the outside with a devil lurking deep.
One person living two lives, both Beauty and the Beast.
My friends called me the lucky one, “She’s a doll to say the least”.
Well, you may be Barbie on the outside, but you’re Chucky underneath.

Yeah, you may be Barbie on the outside, but you’re Chucky underneath.
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#9 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 17 June 2011 - 12:27 PM

Some Folks Believe

Intro:
Calling all people of the planet Earth
Listening to this S.O.S.
If you’re waiting in line for the age of rebirth
Take a seat, this is only a test
I repeat, this is only a test

Verse:
Man used to think the stars were gods who battled in the sky
Until they learned the cosmos were mere twinkles in his eye
So priests devised a way to keep the rabble in their place
They said God told them Hell awaits for those who lose his grace
Then every thief and charlatan who ever pinched a dime
Carved out their little fiefdoms they would rule o’er for all time
Persuading man to play along was not so hard, alas
Why the people bought it is the question we must ask

Refrain:
Jesus had his Judas
Adam trusted Eve
Caesar learned what Brutus
Had hidden up his sleeve
There’s one born ev’ry minute
The trick is how you spin it
What tangled webs we weave
The things some folks believe

Verse:
We can all look back today and pity those poor fools
We’re too refined today to fall for such a load of bull
Any questions we may have about what’s yet to come
Experts from the best schools answer with, “Impending doom!
Save the oceans! Save the sky! Aw hell, just save yourself!”
The inconvenient truth was entirely something else
They hid their models based upon a dataset so flawed
Until the curtain fell and showed the world the giant fraud

Refrain:
Jesus had his Judas
Adam trusted Eve
Caesar learned what Brutus
Had hidden up his sleeve
There’s one born ev’ry minute
The trick is how you spin it
What tangled webs we weave
The things some folks believe

Bridge:
We all seek out our comfort
Some proof to ease our souls
Some answers that our troubled minds think true
What makes us any diff’rent
From those rubes of long ago
Naivete ain’t really nothin’ new

Refrain:
Jesus had his Judas
Adam trusted Eve
Caesar learned what Brutus
Had hidden up his sleeve
There’s one born ev’ry minute
The trick is how you spin it
What tangled webs we weave
The things some folks believe
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#10 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 20 June 2011 - 10:11 AM

Let Your Horses Run

(v1)
There’s an open field
A sprawling sea of green
It makes you want to run
Run hard and wild and free
To nowhere in particular
Just anywhere you choose
Where you don’t see in shades of gray
But yellows, reds, and blues
Where you can open up your throttle
And let your horses loose

(chorus)
And let your horses run
Let your horses run
There’s something underneath your hood
That wants to feel the sun
Someday you’ll look back on this
When all is said and done
You’ll find that what you needed most
Was to let your horses run

(v2)
You’ve got other gears
That you’re just not getting to
You’ve got so much more in the tank
That you’re itching to use
Whatever’s holding you down
Just strip it all away
Run light and lean and true
Keep all your fears at bay
Stay tuned into your vision
And get out on your highway

(chorus)

(bridge)
Boxed in on the highway
You see an open stretch of road
If you can just break free
Your horses will explode
Into their freedom

(v3)
Tap into your heart
Move to the rhythm of your soul
Get things that have been pulled apart
Back under your control
Or let them lay in pieces
Where they just might belong
Breaking through the darkness
Is what makes you feel so strong
See yourself in sunlight
And you’ll be there before too long

(chorus)
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#11 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 20 June 2011 - 10:12 AM

Merry Mary

Verse 1
Biscuits baking in a wood stove
Beans simmering at a boil
Nestled near a little cove
Mary’s place of rest and toil

Verse 2
She’s a real mountain woman
Loves the hills of Tennessee
She’s pretty as a flower
On a spring tulip tree

Chorus
Mary in the meadow
Merry in the afternoon
Dancing in the shadows
To a warbler’s tune

Verse 3
Herbs and berries picked by hand
Nutrition plays its part
Healing remedies from the land
Folk medicine is her art

Chorus
Mary in the meadow
Merry in the afternoon
Dancing in the shadows
To a warbler’s tune

Bridge
I feel her love and care
Bound in healing energy
Like a breath of mountain air
She awakens me

Chorus
Mary in the meadow
Merry in the afternoon
Dancing in the shadows
To a warbler’s tune
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#12 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 20 June 2011 - 10:14 AM

Teenage Love

I’ve lost my faith
I’ve lost my mind
I’ve lost my hope
We’re out of time

We fell in too deep
No one taught us how to swim
No one told us how to keep our heads above
And now we’re falling
Falling deep into the dark
No one told how to play the game, teenage love

I’m so alone
I’m so upset
I’m so tired
Let’s just give up

We fell in too deep
No one taught us how to swim
No one told us how to keep our heads above
And now we’re falling
Falling deep into the dark
No one told how to play the game, teenage love
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#13 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 20 June 2011 - 10:16 AM

THE DOGHOUSE

(I)
Don’t know what started the fight
I was getting ready to call it a night
Maybe she found that old love letter
If she only knew I wrote it for her
And even though I tried to explain
She put me in
The doghouse again

(Chorus)
I didn’t see it coming I never do
The doghouse is good for a night or two
It ain’t like i ain’t been here before
She doesn’t know this old couch I adore
And I hope that she never clicks on
This old doghouse is home sweet home

(II)
It might have been that leaky old pipe
I forgot to fix the other night
Or did she find the stash in my car
I was saving for a night at the bar
Maybe it was that lipstick stain
Whatever it was I’m in
The doghouse again

(Chorus)
I didn’t see it coming I never do
The doghouse is good for a night or two
It ain’t like I ain’t been here before
She doesn’t know this old couch I adore
And I hope that she never clicks on
This old doghouse is home sweet home

(III)
One Friday night I was having a beer
Went off to bed feeling worse for wear
I was snuggled up out like a light
Thinking we was getting on alright
Then in my sleep I spoke a girl’s name
Dam right I’m in
The doghouse again

(R Pt. Chorus)
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#14 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 20 June 2011 - 10:18 AM

At The Wrong Time

Once heaven denied me
I saw hazards 'round every curve
My cup remained half empty
I was my worst saboteur

You would not remind me
all the time you have sacrificed
you've given your best to me
held your breath to give us life

(Rise)
but for now, for now...

Chorus
I've gotta take this slow
been down a few dead end roads
but I hope that you know
you're the right one
at the wrong time
yeah, you're the right one
at the wrong time

Stay with me if you want
'until I see and trust your truth
and the past heartaches that haunt
dissipate and love breaks through

(Rise)
but for now, for now...

Chorus
I've gotta take this slow
been down a few dead end roads
but I hope that you know
you're the right one
at the wrong time
yeah, you're the right one
at the wrong time

Bridge
We skipped across the stars, danced unbridled 'round the moon
it gave me a glimpse of what I want for me and you

(Rise)
but for now, for now...

Chorus
I've gotta take this slow
been down a few dead end roads
but I hope that you know
you're the right one
at the wrong time
yeah, you're the right one
at the wrong time
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#15 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 20 June 2011 - 10:19 AM

Inherit the Earth

Might makes right
Only the strong survive
Meek be damned
Only the bold will thrive

Can’t you hear those voices clamoring in my head?
Echoing in my mind, “We’d be better off dead”
I can see on the news, people killing for bread
But our leaders they scoff, eating their cake instead

Bring back the guillotine, take these matters to heart
I will sharpen my axe; I will play out my part
Planting seeds of revolt, rulers fear my dark art
Laying bodies to waste, that’ll make a good start

Your eye for mine
That’s the law divine
It’s a tooth for a tooth
That’s the Way and the Truth

Screaming, “Off with their heads!” Voices inside my brain
Compel me to action, proclaim this rule profane
And my brothers bear arms, cast off this tyrant’s reign
Come hell or high water, no one can stop this train

We storm through the fortress, this force they can’t repel
Our swords cleaving their heads, the din of battle swells
We brand all the highborn, leave them rotting in cells
And out of the silence, the tolling of the bells

Might makes right
Only the strong survive
Meek be damned
Only the bold will thrive

When the struggle’s ended, there are no drums or fifes
So I have sown the strife, so shall I reap their lives
Erect my own idols, covet my neighbors’ wives
With embers still burning, Satan hands out the knives

The One usurps power, grinds the Many who need
Drink their vitality, sate my burgeoning greed
Expand my boundaries, depravity will breed
And I laugh to myself, watching their children bleed

Your eye for mine
That’s the law divine
It’s a tooth for a tooth
That’s the Way and the Truth

Now they crawl through the muck and they rise from the dust
They gather in dark halls, I fall from their trust
Raising their pitchforks, envenomed with rust
Laying my lands to waste, I spit in disgust

And as the wave crashes, solemn bells emit their peal
Certain I cannot die, perched on my throne of steel
I beg for no mercy, they grant me no appeal
Frightened, I curse in vain, trapped in my own Bastille

Might makes right
Only the strong survive
Meek be damned
Only the bold will thrive
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#16 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 20 June 2011 - 10:33 AM

The lyric contest is now closed for entries, and it's time to submit your scores.

Simply give each lyric a score between 1 and 10, and submit that score to me via private message.

If you have entered this contest, you are required to vote, but do not score your own lyric.

Scoring ends Midnight, Pacific Standard time, Thursday, June 23. Winners will be posted sometime on Friday, the 24th

Here are the titles:

Sitting in a Chair
Woman at Ritz and Rhone
Hollywood Dreamer
A Life of Purpose
The Shadows are behind me
Loving Tree
Playing with Dolls
Some Folks Believe
Let Your Horses Run
Merry Mary
Teenage Love
The Doghouse
At the Wrong Time
Inherit the Earth
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#17 User is offline   Illusions89 Icon

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Posted 23 June 2011 - 04:58 PM

Hi, I've posted a song for this month's contest, however I'm unable to vote 'cause of internet problems. My Laptop has been playing up for the past few days, and for some reason I can't send a PM using the internet on my mobile phone. Many apologies.

Brett.

#18 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 24 June 2011 - 10:49 AM

WE HAVE OUR WINNERS:

1ST Place
Let Your Horses Run - Feegis

2nd Place
Merry Mary - graybeard

It's too bad illusions89 couldn't submit scores, because he would have come in third. Two other lyrics were disqualified because the writers did not supply scores. Here are all the songs, the writers, and the scores:

Let Your Horses Run, Feegis: 8 9 8 7 6 7 7 7 8 6 8 5 9: 95
Merry Mary, graybeard: 7 8 6 9 7 5 6 8 6 6 9 5 6: 88
Woman at Ritz and Rhone, illusions89: 4 8 6 7 6 7 6 6 8 7 7 7 8: 87 - disqualified
Some Folks Believe, Midway: 6 9 6 10 5 6 6 8 4 8 6 4 8: 86
Loving Tree, Andy LeF: 7 7 6 6 6 6 9 7 5 2 6 6 8: 81
The Doghouse, waiata: 4 7 6 7 7 7 8 5 6 5 6 6 6: 80
Playing with Dolls, Camlind: 5 6 8 6 5 6 6 7 7 5 7 5 5: 78
At the Wrong Time, Kimberlyinnc: 4 6 5 7 8 6 6 7 5 5 6 6 7: 78
Hollywood Dreamer, Neuron: 5 7 8 8 5 4 6 7 6 3 5 5 7: 76
A Life of Purpose, fabkebab: 5 5 7 6 6 6 6 7 5 5 7 5 6: 76
Inherit the Earth, Gordon: 5 7 5 6 4 8 5 6 5 7 7 5 6: 76
Sitting in a Chair, klo: 4 5 7 7 4 5 6 7 6 5 5 6 6: 73 - disqualified
The Shadows are behind me, starsinmyeyes: 4 7 7 7 5 4 6 6 6 4 5 5 5: 71
Teenage Love, Sedation: 5 7 6 6 5 4 6 7 5 2 5 5 5: 68 - disqualified
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#19 User is online   jonie Icon

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Posted 24 June 2011 - 04:48 PM

Congratulations, feegis! I had you as my top pick. A fabulous, upbeat, wonderfully positive lyric that was very well written. Congrats as well to graybeard who I had tied for second with Andy's 'Loving Tree' - both very sweet and simple lyrics.

I'm disappointed to see that 3 lyrics had to be disqualified.
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#20 User is offline   feegis Icon

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Posted 24 June 2011 - 07:50 PM

Thank you, Jonie! I appreciate your kind words. :) My first win!! I'm very happy about that.

I had "Some Folks Believe" and "Merry Mary" tied for first. Both excellent reads. Congratulations to graybeard on placing!

All the lyrics had good things about them. From what I understand, Sedation is 14 years old, and I thought "Teenage Love" was a good effort. I was also a bit surprised to see Klo's finish where it did.

I also particularly liked Kim's At The Wrong Time, Ron's Hollywood Dreamer, Gordon's Inherit The Earth, and Stars' The Shadows Are Behind Me.

Thanks to those who thought well of mine and thanks to Neal for putting it all together!

Best Regards,
Feegis

#21 User is offline   klo Icon

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Posted 24 June 2011 - 09:28 PM

Congrats feegis!! I forgot to vote again...sh**. Promise it won't happen next time, maybe I need to sit out...lol

#22 User is offline   scubed Icon

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Posted 25 June 2011 - 07:07 AM

Congratulations to the winners! I didn't have time to write this month, but I managed to slip in and vote.

Feegis, I had Let Your Horses Run as my top pick. Made me smile as soon as I started reading, and I could really "hear" it. Nice job!!

I also particularly liked Loving Tree, Some Folks Believe, and the unfortunately disqualified Woman at Ritz and Rhone.

All in all, lots of good entries this month. Nice work, everybody!

Regards,

Sharon
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#23 User is offline   waiata Icon

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Posted 25 June 2011 - 08:18 AM

Congrats to you feegis! graybeard! and midway! WELL DONE!!!

And sorry illusions89 because you couldn't vote. I really liked your song...keep up the good writing :)

#24 User is offline   Illusions89 Icon

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Posted 25 June 2011 - 10:36 AM

Congratulations to Feegis, it was a 'run away' win. And congratulations to Graybeard. I had both their songs up high in my voting, I also had high marks for 'Some Folks Believe', 'The Doghouse', 'Inherit the Earth' and 'Playing with Dolls'. Of course my votes didn't actually work in the end because for some reason my phone doesn't have the PM option and my laptop thought it would play up at the worst time possible, which sucks. I'm glad you still put up the scores for my song though as it did quite well.

Thanks.

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Posted 25 June 2011 - 01:43 PM

Well done to the winners; I picked the top song as my own favourite! - I am a bit humbled by my own score as well!
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#26 User is offline   Gordon Icon

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Posted 25 June 2011 - 03:55 PM

Feegis, you are in the zone! I've had you first or second for like 3 months in a row... until this one... alas, i did not rate you high! The problem for me was the short scoring turnaround... the first half of the entries came in and two Fridays ago, i was able to give them a good read on the patio of one of my favorite bars... had to turn in my scores before the next friday, so i didn't give the scrutiny to that second batch... last night i was sitting at my bar, like i am right now, as a matter of fact (so sunny and warm but not humid today... it's beautiful out!) and as i was reading through the entries... i got to Feegis' and suddenly the tune clicked and the chorus in particular took off for me and i thought, "oh, crap, i should have given this one at least one, maybe two more points!"... i'm glad i didn't cost you!

I am sorry that illusions89 didn't get his scores in... i rated Ritz n Rhone at the top, very subtlely over 5 or 6 others... but to me, that chorus just jumped off the page. nice internal rhymes... simple lines but "one day i'll say hello" and "sippin her gin and tonic" i thought were wonderful... and the "to the woman who sits alone" then ending with the title/hook... very nice chorus...

then i had troubles sorting the rest out... lots of good qualities to every entry... i really liked the sentiment to klo's "Sitting in a Chair"... i really really liked Kimberly's "At the Wrong Time" - again here, i thought the chorus was very strong and the verses nice... The Doghouse was one i didn't think i liked much at first... then a tune clicked in (and i wasn't even drinking at the time!)... i got like George Thorogood, and suddenly some of the 'singsonginess' just went away and i could really hear it.... Andy's "loving tree" i also scored very well - it seemed sort of sugary and like something i wouldn't like really, but i thought it was very fluid and smooth and could be sung easily - i like the sing-thru rhymes... "I see your smile/we've not met/but in a while/you are here with me" - just nice a smooth, i think. finally, i really loved stars' chorus in "shadows are behind me" - again, to me, it seemed very smooth and easy (i think maybe a little more punch in the verses, and it would have scored near the top, but it was in my upper tier anyway).

neuroron's Hollywood Dreams (Dreamer?) looks to me like it would lend to song very easily - i kept thinking Bob Seger "hollywood nights" and to a lesser extent, Bon Jovi's "hollywood dreams". another strong chorus for singing, i think.

i liked fabkebob's form in "life of purpose"... good to see some different styles, always refreshing. i like the A-A-A structure, and i thought the refrain was well done.

I'm really glad you decided to enter Camlind (except you're another one to finish ahead of me, lol)... i think "playing with dolls" is very clever, nice touch of humor. i thought maybe the length could hurt you overall in general voting, but it gave me a little more confidence to post my long one as well. I actually noted some similarities i thought in our verse structures - both of us used long lines and our 4-line verses might really be more like 8-line verses... mine more than yours, perhaps... it seemed you had some internal rhymes going in V1... but that didn't carry through the rest, but i thought that V1 was pretty cool... i don't know if the "me-see" and "before-love for" is good or not, but it gave me more of a a-b-a-b rhyme feel in that verse, and i liked it.

"Some Folks Believe" i thought has a generally great idea, and another very easily singable chorus - well done, Midway. I ended up penalizing it a point (or maybe two?) when you hit the lines that were dissing climate science. I'm an amateur writer, just playing around for fun and pressure relief... but there you actually begin to enter my domain... i have degrees in geology/geological engineering and environmental engineering. my day job is designing landfills and landfill gas extraction/energy recovery systems... i've become somewhat of a "go-to" guy at work in our renewable energy and climate change practices because, well, that's what i know best. i'm not a climate scientist, per se... i'm not one of the PhD eggheads that are doing that research, but i study their data and their papers, and i'm pretty well versed in hydrologic and carbon cycles and the physics and thermodynamics that particular science is based on. just the other day, one of my friends at work had to prepare a renewable energy strategic plan to present to corporate, and he came to me to help create the slides and populate the statistics on recent industry trends and projections. a couple years ago, two of my oldest and best friends seemed "shocked" to learn that i "bought the hoax of global warming" and sent me an email apparently to show me why it is a hoax. I wrote them a 284-page response in Word to detail for them all of the scientific evidence. One of them hasn't spoken to me since. I love reading and conversing with people who have different opinions, but here i picked up on some statements i thought were factually misleading, and i was tormented a bit on whether to let it pass or not, but the Bubblingsoul lyric critique guidelines i try to follow have a space in there for "believability" and i thought that there was a good chance that i was the only person voting who might have some serious training in this subject matter, so i consciously deducted a point on that basis... and maybe subconsciously deducted a second point, because this really is well written and the chorus is just shy of awesome - definitely one of the top 3 or 4 catchiest choruses this month, i think!

Graybeard... i liked Merry Mary, it was nice to read... didn't put it in my top tier... i may have shorted you like i did Feegis... just didn't get that chance to read it while sipping a beer... but again, last night, i thought it had a nice airy, wholesome quality... just sort of refreshing.

i think i've touched everyone but Sedation's "Teenage Love" now... i was sort of thinking Love and Rockets' "Seventh Dream of Teenage Heaven" when i read the title... but it was obviously different from that. Much like stars' "Shadows..." i think this has a nice, catchy chorus, maybe the verses just need a little more oomph to them to make this really shine! are you really only 14? Holy cow, you're already putting me to shame! i see you have several posts on the lyric board (i've been away on job emergencies and barely even got a lyric in this month), so i will definitely have to check them out, too!

#27 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 25 June 2011 - 04:01 PM

I forgot to thank our two non-participant voters this month: Jonie and Scubed. Thanks, folks!!!!

Neal
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#28 User is offline   Gordon Icon

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Posted 25 June 2011 - 04:02 PM

wait a minute... JONIE??

i just noticed your tag under your avatar - "happy and peppy and bursting with love?"... FELIX UNGAR!!! The Odd Couple!! OMG that was an awesome episode!

#29 User is offline   kimberlyinnc Icon

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Posted 25 June 2011 - 05:19 PM

Congrats Feegis and Greybeard!!!! :D

I had Merry Mary as my top choice for it's simplicity, briefness, yet the picture it painted and the uniqueness of it. It made me think of Bluegrass or an old Scottish/Irish lyric in ways. Very very nice Greybeard!!!

My 2nd choice was let your horses run...:) I loved the message behind it. It had a great flow as well! Great Job Feegis!! :)


Several tied for 3rd this month for me, because so many had lots going for them.


Again congrats and thanks Neal for taking care of the contest!

Kimberly
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#30 User is offline   feegis Icon

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Posted 26 June 2011 - 08:43 PM

Thanks, everyone! I appreciate it!

Thanks to Jonie and Scubed for voting!

#31 User is offline   AndyLeF Icon

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Posted 27 June 2011 - 04:03 PM

Well done feegis!

For a change, I didn't manage to pick the winner this month; I had "Merry Mary" and "The Doghouse" tied 1st then "Woman at Ritz and Rhone", "Hollywood Dreamer", "Let Your Horses Run" and "At the Wrong Time" tied 2nd.

Hey Gordon - that must be SOME bar you haunt, from which to compose those long detailed replies of yours! - what's it called? Sounds like it needs a lyric written for/around/about it! ;)

Thanks to those who commented on my entry "Loving Tree" - one of my simpler efforts but rather torpedoed in the scoring by that 'rouge' "2" that homed in amidships - haha!

Kudos to Jonie and Scubed for scoring and Neal for organising.

Cheers guys :)

Andy
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