Muse's Muse Songwriting Message Board: August Lyric Writing Contest - Muse's Muse Songwriting Message Board

Jump to content

Page 1 of 1
  • You cannot start a new topic
  • You cannot reply to this topic

August Lyric Writing Contest Now open for entries... but note the theme this month

#1 User is offline   Neal K Icon

  • Guitars are good things
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Super Moderators
  • Posts: 4,548
  • Joined: 20-November 01
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Kelowna, BC, Canada

Posted 06 August 2010 - 01:09 PM

The August Lyric writing contest is now open for entries. There will be a theme for this monthís contest. Because the kids will be going back to school soon, the theme is ďgoing back.Ē You donít have to use those words in your lyric, but the content has to be about going back to something: a lost love, your past, the home where you grew up, whatever.

Same rules as always (you can read them in full here) but in short they are:

- Send your lyrics to me by PM before the end of the August 20.
- You must have 25 posts to be able to enter
- Lyrics must not have been posted on the Muse before or in the same month's song contests

How & when to provide scores:

- When the contest closes, I will provide a list of the songs and instructions on how to submit scores
- If you enter, you must provide a score
- Vote for all lyrics except your own on a scale of 1 to 10
- Your scores must be whole numbers. No half numbers.
- Your lyric gets the average score you gave the others
- Scores must be in by the end of August 25

Neal
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#2 User is offline   Neal K Icon

  • Guitars are good things
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Super Moderators
  • Posts: 4,548
  • Joined: 20-November 01
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Kelowna, BC, Canada

Posted 11 August 2010 - 10:45 AM

She Smiles

Verse 1
Through snow in mid December
Iíve seen her push that cart
ĎCross West Main Street in Grand Prairie
To Kroger parking lot
She collects cardboard boxes
Sells them for a dime
With a smile sheíll push that cart
Until itís quitting time

Chorus 1
She smiles because sheís happy
Bitter cold or blazing heat
She smiles when sheís hungry
With blisters on her feet
Iíve never seen her crying
Although she does without
She knows thereís a home waiting for her
She knows without a doubt

Verse 2
At sunset sheíll bustle back
To her home beneath the bridge
Even though her shoes donít match
Content, with what she salvaged
Sheís thankful for the sunshine
And warm days that pass her way
To strangers she looks hopeless
For her, a pleasant day

Chorus 1
She smiles because sheís happy
Bitter cold or blazing heat
She smiles when sheís hungry
With blisters on her feet
Iíve never seen her crying
Although she does without
She knows thereís a home waiting for her
She knows without a doubt

Bridge
Driving by her bridge today I saw the empty cart
Taped up in a crime scene that happened after dark
Her tiny lifeless body lay there on a stretcher
If I live to be a hundred, I never will forget her

Chorus 2
She smiled because she was happy
Bitter cold or blazing heat
She smiled when she was hungry
With blisters on her feet
Iíve never saw her crying
Although she did without
I know sheís finally gone back home
I know without a doubt
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#3 User is offline   Neal K Icon

  • Guitars are good things
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Super Moderators
  • Posts: 4,548
  • Joined: 20-November 01
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Kelowna, BC, Canada

Posted 13 August 2010 - 11:22 AM

Going Back To Rehab

Well, Iím going back to rehab for the 22nd time
Iím going to get counseled by a real good friend of mine
That bitch knows how to listen - man, she loves to hear me whine
Iím going back to rehab where they always treat me fine

They fixed my need for alcohol, they fixed my need for coke
My religious mania, my lifelong need to smoke
I needed to find something, and this time it ainít no joke
I got this sex addiction and my monkeyís going to choke

Iím going back to rehab and this time I got it made
As a frequent visitor I get a free upgrade
I think I get a butler and I hope I get a maid
I donít believe Iíll last a week unless I can get laid

Yes, Iím going back to rehab and this time itís going to work
My wife is sick and tired of me, she thinks Iím just a jerk
Sheís worn down to a frazzle, and sheís lost that sexy smirk
Iím going to get better or I think sheíll go berserk

Yes, Iím going back to rehab where I always feel at home
Iíll give my friends and family a little time alone
Iíve tried it on with all of them and tried it on my own
Iím hoping that in rehab thereíll be fresh meat I can bone

See, Iím going back to rehab where Iíll get my life on track
But Iím already planning my next angle of attack
Iím thinking maybe crystal meth or should I go with crack?
I love this place, the great thing is they always take me back
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#4 User is offline   Neal K Icon

  • Guitars are good things
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Super Moderators
  • Posts: 4,548
  • Joined: 20-November 01
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Kelowna, BC, Canada

Posted 15 August 2010 - 02:14 PM

Down in the Basement

Down in the basement there's spiders and rot
Christmas tree trimmings and flowering pots
A doll that was broken, an old army cot
Not going back down there again

Down in the basement the sunlight peeks through
At 3 in the morning, the moonlight does too
Seems I've forgotten how I know it's true
Not going back down there again

Down in the basement nobody can hear
The howl of the wind or the whimpers of fear
The face of the monster is never quite clear
Not going back down there again

The creak on the stair
The tune he would hum
Nowhere to hide
Nowhere to run

Down in the basement there was no escape
Those who could stop it would show up too late
He bled like a pig 'round that sharp metal stake
Not going back down there again

The creak on the stair
The tune he would hum
Nowhere to hide
Nowhere to run
Not going back down there again
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#5 User is offline   Neal K Icon

  • Guitars are good things
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Super Moderators
  • Posts: 4,548
  • Joined: 20-November 01
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Kelowna, BC, Canada

Posted 15 August 2010 - 02:16 PM

The Bride

There will be laughing and singing tonight
Dancing and drinking and feeling all right
A toast from the best man for a long happy life
ďYouíre a real lucky man, sheís a beautiful wifeĒ
But there is a secret packed deep down inside
Everyone loves the groom, except for the bride

How could she ever let it get this far
It should have ended that night in his car
But a rain started tumbling so hard and so cold
A moment of weakness became life on hold

Such surface perfection, they make so much sense
But she sat on her chance to get off of the fence
Cos every time he said, ďDear, pinch me, Iím dreamingĒ
Her mouth couldnít say what her heart was screaming

(bridge)
A hug from her sister, her dad takes her arm
She takes that first step down the aisle
Wishing to be anywhere else but here
The first of a thousand forced, veiled smiles

A churning inside that says itís now or never
Five minutes from now she will promise forever
Her mother said her cold feet feeling would pass
But her heart knows too well what will and wonít last

Heís a wonderful man, she knows that this is true
And she thinks of all the guests that drove in or flew
But she isnít convinced that she must see this through
Now sheís free and flies solo in Kalamazoo

There would have been laughing and singing that night
Dancing and drinking and feeling all right
A toast from the best man for a long happy life
But she knew that those words would have cut like a knife
Cos there was a secret packed deep down inside
Everyone loved the groom, except for the bride
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#6 User is offline   Neal K Icon

  • Guitars are good things
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Super Moderators
  • Posts: 4,548
  • Joined: 20-November 01
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Kelowna, BC, Canada

Posted 15 August 2010 - 02:17 PM

Long Way From Home

Verse 1
She's reading the last of her mom and dad's letter
Says, PS we love you, can you make it this fall?
But it's been such a long time since they've been together
She wonders if she would fit in anymore

Verse 2
Her uncle Joe passed away early that winter
The smell of his pipe drifts around in her head
She laughs and remembers the trick with the quarter
Closes her eyes but she's still not quite there

Chorus
She's a long way from home
Been a long stretch of road
She was somebody's child in a throw-away town
Her fairy-tale looks got her big city jobs
She grew up overnight--never looked back
But if time had a price she'd give all that she has
To be that little girl--from home

Verse 3
Her sister got married and there's a little one coming
The guy drives an old truck--works for his dad
When she thinks about what kind of life that thery're stuck with
It suddenly dawns on her what she don't have

Chorus
She's a long way from home
Been a long stretch of road
She was somebody's child in a throw-away town
Her fairy-tale looks got her big city jobs
She grew up overnight--never looked back
But if time had a price she'd give all that she has
To be that little girl--from home

Bridge
Lines crawl up and down her face these days
Time reminds her of how life can drift away

Chorus
She's a long way from home
Been a long stretch of road
She was somebody's child in a throw-away town
Her fairy-tale looks got her big city jobs
She grew up overnight--never looked back
But if time had a price she'd give all that she has
To be that little girl--from home
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#7 User is offline   Neal K Icon

  • Guitars are good things
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Super Moderators
  • Posts: 4,548
  • Joined: 20-November 01
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Kelowna, BC, Canada

Posted 16 August 2010 - 04:27 PM

Psychotropic Soldier

(ch)
Psychotropic soldier
Sweepings under the rug
Contained by manila folders
And new psychotic drugs
Adrenaline loviní junky
All hooked up by 19
Never gonna be some flunky
workin' at the war machine

(v1)
Up before dawn
Everybody yawns
Grabbiní up gear
Finally, gameís on

(v2)
Focus on the road
Full metal load
Check it all twice
Scratchiní at lice

(pre-ch)
See-ya in the show
Broí stay low
Knock em all dead
With some Rock & Roll

(ch)
Psychotropic soldier
Dreaminí in combat code
The enemy's gettiní bolder
Waitin' for ya down the road
Adrenaline loviní junky
Mythical Teenage King
Everyoneís smelliní funky
Stress shocked human beings

(v4)
Gears grind low
gotta move fast
Stay on yer toes
Donít be last

(v5)
Always in front
Keep within sight
like good grunts
We do this tight

(pre-ch)
Fire on the ridge
Now yer in play
Across that bridge
To another fine day

(ch)
Psychotropic soldier
Gotta slut, bitchin' M-16
Free world on yer shoulder
Hollywood movie scene
adrenaline loviní junky
Life's never been so real
Everyoneís moviní spunky
Nerves are beiní steeled

(v7)
Every rump humps
Take the offense
Show those chumps
a life past tense

(v8)
Mission in sight
Target acquired
makin' it right
with machine gun fire

(pre-ch)
One heart stops
Another beats fast
In the backdrop
Youíre hopiní it lasts

(ch)
Psychotropic soldier
Battle line chug a lug
Contained by manila folders
An new psychotic drugs
adrenaline loviní junky
Hooked you up at 35
Never gonna be some flunky
War makes you feel alive
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#8 User is offline   Neal K Icon

  • Guitars are good things
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Super Moderators
  • Posts: 4,548
  • Joined: 20-November 01
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Kelowna, BC, Canada

Posted 17 August 2010 - 10:38 AM

This Old Road

Verse
Itís been 20 years since I drove this old road.
Along this river, past hills and wide farms
Two hours from her house to mine.
Two hours to her open arms.

20 years have passed since I thought about her.
The years slip away and the memories flow.
We were just two kids, still in school.
And I traveled down this old road.

Chorus
This old road, my lost friend.
This old road, lead me again.
We shared too many smiles and too many tears,
To just let it go, somehow.
But too many miles and too many years,
Wonít let us go back there now.
Like the deep river, the memories flow,
Of two hours to her house, and this old road.

Verse
Our friends knew the miles would tear us apart.
Summer into fall, and winter into spring.
The year passed us by like the miles.
To me, she was everything.

Each stolen moment, I spent them all on her
But moments soon pass, and I needed to go.
With me, she always sent her love.
And I traveled down this old road.

Chorus
This old road, my lost friend.
This old road, lead me again.
We shared too many smiles and too many tears,
To just let it go, somehow.
But too many miles and too many years,
Wonít let us go back there now.
Like the deep river, the memories flow,
Of two hours to her house, and this old road.

Bridge
Two hours of road between her house and mine.
Two hours can be too much.
And I traveled down this old road.
And I traveled down this old road.

Chorus
This old road, my lost friend.
This old road, lead me again.
We shared too many smiles and too many tears,
To just let it go, somehow.
But too many miles and too many years,
Wonít let us go back there now.
Like the deep river, the memories flow,
Of two hours to her house, and this old road.
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#9 User is offline   Neal K Icon

  • Guitars are good things
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Super Moderators
  • Posts: 4,548
  • Joined: 20-November 01
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Kelowna, BC, Canada

Posted 17 August 2010 - 10:39 AM

Don't Fail Me Now

Verse 1
It was raining so hard angels were drowning
We were caught out on a perilous sea
Lightning was flashing waves were crashing
I thought it was to be the end of me

Chorus
Little engine, donít fail me now
Help me get this boat back to port
Weíve been through worse; survived somehow
Little engine, donít fail me now

Verse 2
Oil and steel have no chance against water
Solvents dissolve everything away
Natural borders bind Creation
Steel vessels rust; flesh and blood decay

Chorus
Little engine, donít fail me now
Help me get this boat back to port
Weíve been through worse; survived somehow
Little engine, donít fail me now

Bridge
Lord, if youíre open to my prayers
Please send a calm this way
This old shrimp boat is peeling in layers
Please send some sunny rays

Chorus
And little engine donít fail me now
Help me get this boat back to port
Weíve been through worse; survived somehow
Little engine, donít fail me now

Tag
Little engine, donít fail me now!
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#10 User is offline   Neal K Icon

  • Guitars are good things
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Super Moderators
  • Posts: 4,548
  • Joined: 20-November 01
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Kelowna, BC, Canada

Posted 19 August 2010 - 10:12 AM

Blueprint

V1
Grand designs and well made plans
Fall apart in nervous hands
While the waste bin overflows
That's as far as this one goes...

C
This blueprint's blue
All marked with red
This blueprint's blue
This chart is dead
This blueprint's through
It joins the horde
And it's back to
The drawing board.

V2
'Set in stone' is not my trip
Pen poised in reluctant grip
Though I know you'll give me lip
I'm not ready to commit...

C
This blueprint's blue
All marked with red
This blueprint's blue
This chart is dead
This blueprint's through
It joins the horde
And it's back to
The drawing board.

B
Life flies by at a white hot pace
While I've procrastinated
But I enjoy this open space:
Structure's overrated...

C
This blueprint's blue
All marked with red
This blueprint's blue
This chart is dead
This blueprint's through
It joins the horde
And it's back to
The drawing board.
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#11 User is offline   Neal K Icon

  • Guitars are good things
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Super Moderators
  • Posts: 4,548
  • Joined: 20-November 01
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Kelowna, BC, Canada

Posted 20 August 2010 - 12:20 PM

RED

Been thinking about all those yesterdays
Things were different in a better way

Back when Willie's hair was red
Back before Country was dead
Waylon was on the radio
None of that Big & Rich show

That's when my heart was alive
The songs sung helped me survive
Now I don't understand the rules
Feel I'm drowning with a ship of fools

Sometimes I wish times would return to then
Go back to when you and me were still friends

Holding those grudges hadn't come to pass
Back when we thought all of our love would last

Back when Willie's hair was red
Back before Country was dead
Waylon was on the radio
None of that Big & Rich show

That's when my heart was alive
The songs sung helped me survive
Now I don't understand the rules
Feel I'm drowning with a ship of fools

The craziness of today has me under its sway
I need to find my way back to the better days

Back to the life I wish we had led
Back to when Willie's hair was red

That's when my heart was alive
The songs sung helped me survive
Now I don't understand the rules
Feel I'm drowning with a ship of fools
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#12 User is offline   Neal K Icon

  • Guitars are good things
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Super Moderators
  • Posts: 4,548
  • Joined: 20-November 01
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Kelowna, BC, Canada

Posted 20 August 2010 - 02:51 PM

Time is like a Train

When I stand still and clear my mind
I think about how long I have, and precious time
I landed in the right place, and yet somehow
I wish I knew then, what I think I know now

Iíve gained more than the lines on my face
Ingrained in my memory are the spoils of this race
The selfish moments, the few to be proud of
But no matter how much timeís left, itís not enough

Chorus
Time is like a train
Without the slightest hesitation
Time is like a train
To an unknown destination
On a one way track
Thereís no going back (going back)
When timeís like a train

Iíve seen life change with one goodbye
And cause bitter tears to fall from angelic eyes
Iíve ridden high enough to kick around the clouds
Then in a turn felt buried knee deep in the ground

Musical Break

Bridge
Now that silver threads run through my hair
I remember the stones in the road that put Ďum there
The ordinary days, the good and bad
But Iíd do it again, if I had the chance

Chorus
Time is like a train
Without the slightest hesitation
Time is like a train
To an unknown destination
On a one way track
Thereís no going back (going back)
When timeís like a train

Outro
Time is like a train
Time is like a train
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#13 User is offline   Neal K Icon

  • Guitars are good things
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Super Moderators
  • Posts: 4,548
  • Joined: 20-November 01
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Kelowna, BC, Canada

Posted 22 August 2010 - 07:01 PM

The contest is now closed for entries.... let the voting begin!!!

All members are allowed to score the lyrics; all contestants must provide scores or their lyric will be disqualified.

- Vote for all lyrics except your own on a scale of 1 to 10
- No half marks. Your score must be a whole number
- Your lyric gets the average score you gave the others

Please PM me your votes by August 25. The winners will be announced on the 26th.

Here are the songs:

She Smiles
Going Back to Rehab
Down in the Basement
The Bride
Long Way from Home
Psychotropic Soldier
This Old Road
Don't Fail Me Now
Blueprint
Red
Time is Like a Train
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#14 User is offline   Neal K Icon

  • Guitars are good things
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Super Moderators
  • Posts: 4,548
  • Joined: 20-November 01
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Kelowna, BC, Canada

Posted 27 August 2010 - 10:45 AM

We have our winners:

1st Place - 87 Points
Blueprint by Starsinmyeyes

2nd Place - 86 Points
Down in the Basement by Jonie

... and just to show you how close this contest was, there were three lyrics tied for third place, each with 85 points"

The Bride by Feegis
Don't Fail Me Now by Greybeard
Time is Like a Train by Kimberlyinnc

Thanks to all who entered, and special thanks to our non-participant voters this month, midway and Joan

She Smiles - Dottie
Going Back to Rehab - Alistair
Down in the Basement - Jonie
The Bride - Feegis
Long Way from Home - Zeek
Psychotropic Soldier - Tidepool
This Old Road - Traveller
Don't Fail Me Now - graybeard
Blueprint - Starsinmyeyes
Red - RKG
Time is Like a Train - Kimberlyinnc
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#15 User is offline   Alistair S Icon

  • A Muse's Muse
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 12,815
  • Joined: 18-May 07
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Reading, Berkshire, UK

Posted 27 August 2010 - 11:30 AM

Well done guys!

I had "Down in the Basement" top, followed by 3 that I tied for second - "Don't Fail Me Now", "Blueprint" and "Long Way From Home".

I'd be curious to see the scores for my own, rushed, somewhat tongue-in-cheek entry! :lol:
My Soundclick Music Page
My Facebook Music Page

"In my opinion this is a bunch of filth and garbage and we need far less this type of lyrics gettin back in the ears of our children." - from a critique received

"When I was 5 years old, my mum always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wante to be when I grew up. I wrote down, "Happy". The told me I didn't understand the assignment and I told them they didn't understand life." John Lennon.

#16 User is offline   Neal K Icon

  • Guitars are good things
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Super Moderators
  • Posts: 4,548
  • Joined: 20-November 01
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Kelowna, BC, Canada

Posted 27 August 2010 - 11:55 AM

View PostAlistair S, on 27 August 2010 - 09:30 AM, said:

I'd be curious to see the scores for my own, rushed, somewhat tongue-in-cheek entry! :lol:


82 points.

Graybeard's "Don't Fail Me Now" was in first place all the way up to the last score that came in.

Neal
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#17 User is offline   Zeek Icon

  • A Muse's Muse
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 1,926
  • Joined: 24-April 06
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:The Beach! RI

Posted 27 August 2010 - 12:10 PM

Really liked 'The Bride' and Kim's 'Time Is Like A Train'. I thought with some tweaking, Kim, it would have soared. Nice job. I think I'll stick to the song section! (but vote of course!)...

Zeek


#18 User is offline   Joan Icon

  • A Muse's Muse
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 1,984
  • Joined: 27-July 05
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Lovettsville, VA, USA

Posted 27 August 2010 - 12:45 PM

My heavy favorite this month was Down In The Basement. I love terse even though I write wordy, and each word there seemed to be carrying a world of freight. I also voted The Bride pretty high, and Blueprint.

Alistair, erm. It takes a brave writer to take on that whole Pathological First Person thing. I was uneasy about the Rehab song, didn't know how it would strike anyone who had been through rehab, and probably didn't give it its due. When I see humor that seems to be making some kind of real-world point, it frustrates me not to be able to pick out what the writer is using that humor to convey. But at the same time, I could imagine being in a room while someone was singing this one, with the audience laughing their asses off, which is never easy to accomplish. And there's actual truth in the notion of sociopaths using what they learn in therapy to become even more manipulative than they were before. If I'd thought of the lyrics in that context they would have worked better on me than they did.

#19 User is offline   Dottie Icon

  • A Muse's Muse
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 1,453
  • Joined: 24-March 10
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Atlanta, Ga.
  • Interests:Writing, music, anything creative. I actually enjoy restoring old cars, but I haven't done that for a while.

Posted 27 August 2010 - 02:15 PM

Congratulations Starsinmyeyes for first place! I was pretty sure Blueprint was going to win and Iím happy it was your song!

Congrats Jonie on second place.

Congrats Feegis, Greybeard and Kimberly also, all good songs.

Alistair, I loved your Rehab! I thought it was hilarious! I honestly didnít think it would win though because humor doesnít seem to do well here. I think I had it tied with Blueprint for 1st place but I canít swear to it.

#20 User is offline   Midway Icon

  • Inspirational Muse
  • PipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 383
  • Joined: 11-May 10
  • Gender:Not Telling

Posted 27 August 2010 - 02:33 PM

Congratulations to this month's winners. Good theme for Blueprint, Stars. You kept it up pretty well throughout, although I felt the song needed a bridge to break it up a little. Jonie, Down in the Basement put the image of the old Robert Mitchum film noir classic The Night of the Hunter in my head and wouldn't leave. Spooky piece of work you've got there, and very well done. I believe I had it pegged for second place behind Alistair's Going Back to Rehab. I don't recall who I had placed for third. Alistair, Rehab was spotless from beginning to end. It made me sick with envy when I read it. I found it reminiscent of Amy Winehouse's Rehab. I loved the character's attitude and the song is just chock full of hilarious lines, and "I love this place, the great thing is they always take me back" sums it all up perfectly. I hope you lay down a demo on this one and send it off to a few publishers. With the right bass line driving it, these lyrics are good enough to sell.

Good job by all this month.


p.s. Ooops! Almost forgot to congratulate the troika who finished third! Way to go Kim, Greybeard, and Feegis. After my top 3 picks, I had everyone else rated equally, so it's no surprise to me all of you tied. Again, well done.

#21 User is offline   jonie Icon

  • ooo xxx
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 7,632
  • Joined: 29-January 08
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Reading, UK

Posted 27 August 2010 - 10:33 PM

Congrats starsinmyeyes. A very well done lyric that set my mind off on a nice stream of consciousness. It reminded me of the saying "We make plans and God laughs". Nothing in life can be set in stone and every morning finds us going back to the drawing board. A nice clean slate on which we can make an entirely new blueprint. Whether or not you intended it, that's where your lyric took me.

I had it tied for 2nd with "Don't Fail me Now" - a lyric that appealed to my inner child, I guess - reminded me of the story, "The Little Engine That Could" Uplifting.

I had Alistair's rehab lyric in 1st place. I considered it the ultimate "going back" lyric. Very well written and extremely funny, IMO. I do get where Joan is coming from though - maybe some would consider it offensive. But I think Alistair managed to create a character that is pretty well over the top. I don't think there's much chance that even those who've been through the revolving rehab door would see themselves quite as bad off as this guy. :) For this reason, I think the 1st person choice was a brilliant one. The self deprecating approach has allowed many a comedian to pull of the most tasteless humor. I'm trying to convince him to work it into something he can do live at open mics.

Thanks to everyone who found my lyric good enough to get it into 2nd place. I was afraid it might be too dark to be appealing.
We have now sunk to a depth at which re-statement of the obvious is the first duty of intelligent men.
George Orwell

The greatest tragedy in mankind's entire history may be the hijacking of morality by religion.
Arthur C. Clarke

Don Martin Lyric of the Year 2008 & 2009
1 + 1 Song of the Year 2009 Ain't That True

My Soundclick Page
My lyrics and songs hosted by Lyricadia

#22 User is offline   tidepool Icon

  • A Muse's Muse
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 722
  • Joined: 18-April 10

Posted 27 August 2010 - 11:19 PM

My deep congrats to all, especially the winner. My first posting here, and I should have read the directions about the theme...oops...I had, "The Bride", at the top of my list. Rehab and Train were right up there. Loved the Basement piece also...

Alistair, I never would have put you on the rehab piece, but the writing was so tight I'm not surprised. :P

I'm dedicating mine to:

Colonel Walter E. Kurtz
Captain Benjamin Willard (my personal favorite)
Staff Sergeant Barnes
Sergeant Elias
and the newest member...Sergeant 1st Class William James...although I think the director cheesed out on him...Probably due to pressure from our highly improved military propaganda machine...

And...to all our newest (real-life) 'skirmish junkies' who may now be sucking up "life" in the rear area, (a group with a terribly high suicide rate), Please, don't feel embarassed to reach out for psychological help other than anti-depressant medication. America wants you all-the-way-back-home, and happy...

#23 User is offline   feegis Icon

  • A Muse's Muse
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 655
  • Joined: 05-December 09
  • Gender:Male

Posted 28 August 2010 - 01:15 AM

Congratulations, Stars - nice lyric. I especially like the line: But I enjoy this open space: Structure's overrated. Great.
Another solid lyric from you, Jonie. Congratulations on placing.
Alistair, I rated your lyric pretty high. Very well written. The subject matter and the style had me thinking it was Billy's.
Tidepool - nice post. Keep them coming. (I didn't realize there was a theme either. I'm going to enter the one I think I should have sent for next month's contest).
A lot of good stuff throughout.
Thanks to everyone who thought highly enough of mine to let me place.

Best Regards,
Feegis

#24 User is offline   Traveler Icon

  • Active Muse
  • PipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 130
  • Joined: 28-June 09
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Utah
  • Interests:Family, music, reading, photography, outdoors, and a whole lot of writing.

Posted 28 August 2010 - 08:59 AM

Congrats to the winners. I really misjudged this group of lyrics. The one I voted highest didn't even place. So much to learn, but I'm enjoying the ride.

Zeek, don't go. The rest of us in the bottom half need you amongst our ranks. Please come back each month and commiserate with us.

Trav
Don't bother me. Can't you see I'm working here?

#25 User is offline   Joan Icon

  • A Muse's Muse
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 1,984
  • Joined: 27-July 05
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Lovettsville, VA, USA

Posted 28 August 2010 - 09:32 AM

Funny thing about Going Back to Rehab. It illustrates one of the interesting limitations of these contests being anonymous. If a jerk wrote the exact same lyric, it might be saying one thing (rehab is bogus, addicts are scum, etc.), and if a pretty nice guy wrote it, it might be saying something else entirely, like about abuses of needed support systems. Tom Lehrer or Andrew Dice Clay? From time to time I've read some pretty tight lyrics here by writers I couldn't stand personally, and if I didn't like what they were saying (what I thought they were saying?) their scores reflected that. Anonymnity doesn't give me the chance to impute the more subtle meaning, which I totally would have if I'd known the writer. Which does solve the problem of cronyism! Now I have to come up with something just as double-edged and see how it does...

#26 User is offline   kimberlyinnc Icon

  • Amused Muses Muser
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 6,565
  • Joined: 22-October 08
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:North Carolina
  • Interests:Writing, music, theater, dance, dogs

Posted 28 August 2010 - 04:45 PM

Congrats to Stars and Jonie!!! :) I am sure you are thrilled Stars!! Is this your first win? :)

I chose your Blueprint as my #1 choice with 2nd place going to

Psychotropic Soldier Nice job Tidepool

3rd place I had ties as well....(again, I wish we had the .5 voting so we could distinquish easier one being a bit better than the other and lessen the chance for ties) BUT...it's been said before..up to the mods ;)
stepping of soapbox now... B)

my 3rd choices were ties of
Long Way from Home
She Smiles
The Bride

Long Way Home- Thoughtful song Zeek and keep writing my friend, don't you ever quit..it was well done.
She Smiles- good yet sad story Dottie. I have really seen your songwriting take leaps and bounds.
The Bride- Feegis. very nice, sad situation but happens often, someone marrying just because the plans are mad or feeling pressured to. Had good flow to it for sure. :)


Quote

Really liked 'The Bride' and Kim's 'Time Is Like A Train'. I thought with some tweaking, Kim, it would have soared. Nice job. I think I'll stick to the song section! (but vote of course!)...

Zeek

Thank you Zeek... :) This lyric is something I really want to develop into a full song.


Thanks to all of the nice comments on my lyric Time is like a Train...and for placing it as tied for 3rd among such cool, well written lyrics this month. :)

Thank you, Neal for taking care of the contest!!


Kimberly
"Turn Your Face to the Sun and the SHADOWS fall behind you!"
ďSometimes even to live is an act of courage.Ē ― Seneca
ďIf it's painful for you to criticize your friends, you're safe in doing it; if you take the slightest pleasure in it, that's the time to hold your tongue.Ē ― Alice Duer Miller
~*~My songwriting websites~*~
www.littleikepublishing.com
www.reverbnation.com/littleikeproductions

#27 User is offline   starsinmyeyes Icon

  • A Muse's Muse
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 591
  • Joined: 23-February 10
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Australia
  • Interests:I'm a cat with a guitar! It was never going to be pretty

Posted 28 August 2010 - 08:39 PM

Alistair S, Dottie, Joan, Midway, Jonie, feegis your support is wonderful, thank you so much. And yes Kimberly, it's actually my first placing of any kind, thankyou for noticing :) ! I'm feeling very lucky to have come away with the win.

I loved Kim's Time is Like a Train and gave it a 10, followed very closely by Don't Fail me Now on 9 and This Old Road on 8. Every entry had something great to offer this month, from the touching She Smiles by Dottie and Long Way From Home by Zeek, to Alistair's hilarious vicarious exploits at Rehab. Jonie's Down in the Basement made me type with the light on, and I enjoyed the rustic feel to Red by RKG. I thought The Bride by Feegis had some terrific lines in it, and tidepool's Psychotropic Soldier was punchy with tight pre-choruses. Thanks to everyone again, and of course thanks especially to Neal for running the comp as always :) .
Click on the My Muse Channel link below for access to all my secret lyrics

Coming soon to an ear near you...(xx)(xx)


https://www.facebook.com/MyMuseChannel

Page 1 of 1
  • You cannot start a new topic
  • You cannot reply to this topic

1 User(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users