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June Lyric Writing Comp We Have Our Winners!

#1 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 01 June 2010 - 01:46 PM

The June Lyric writing contest is now open for entries. Same rules as always (you can read them in full here) but in short they are:

- Send your lyrics to me by PM before the end of the June 8.
- You must have 25 posts to be able to enter
- Lyrics must not have been posted on the Muse before or in the same month's song contests

How & when to provide scores:

- When the contest closes, I will provide a list of the songs and instructions on how to submit scores
- If you enter, you must provide a score
- Vote for all lyrics except your own on a scale of 1 to 10
- Your scores must be whole numbers. No half numbers.
- Your lyric gets the average score you gave the others
- Scores must be in by the end of June 15

Neal
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#2 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 02 June 2010 - 10:38 AM

Do You Dream

Just because it feels so right doesn't mean it's wrong
If it isn't logical why does it feel so strong
I don't believe in fairy tales Santa Clause or Mother Goose
I believe in love the way I feel and making dreams come true

Are you holding back now... hiding the way you care
Is it mixed emotions... or something in the air
You say you've always loved him... he's all you've ever dreamed
When you're dreaming lately...do you dream about me


When I close my eyes to sleep your picture fills my mind
I know it may sound crazy but it's been there all my life
Ever since the moment that I first laid eyes on you
The dream I've lived with all my life has started to come true

Are you holding back now... hiding the way you care
Is it mixed emotions... or something in the air
You say you've always loved him... he's all you've ever dreamed
When you're dreaming lately...do you dream about me

Do you dream about me... when you close your eyes
Do you dream about me... deep into the night
When you're on your pillow... who is it that you see
When you close your eyes... do you dream about me

Should I stay or should I go... I don't know what to do
You tell me you're in love with him... but I'm in love with you
You say "I haven't known you long enough to be in love"
To show you all my love forever... isn't long enough

Are you holding back now... hiding the way you care
Is it mixed emotions... or something in the air
You say you've always loved him... he's all you've ever dreamed
When you're dreaming lately...do you dream about me

Do you dream about me... when you close your eyes
Do you dream about me... deep into the night
When you're on your pillow... who is it that you see
When you close your eyes... do you dream about me

Do you dream about me... when you close your eyes
Do you dream about me... deep into the night
When you're on your pillow... who is it that you see
When you close your eyes... do you dream about me

Do you dream about me do you dream about me
Do you dream about me do you dream about me

Do you dream about me do you dream about me
When you close your eyes...do you dream about me
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#3 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 03 June 2010 - 09:55 AM

Locked Up

V1
I got locked up standing
on a cold and lonely street
I got locked up standing
on a beat we're supposed to meet

At the time I shouldn't mind being someone you couldn't find
At the time I shouldn'ta mind being someone you couldn'ta find

Chorus
But I'm disinclined
to be in a bind
Put me behind
aligned somewhere the sun don't shine.

I got locked up!
I got locked up!

V2
I got locked up waiting
For our sweet love to be defined
I got locked up waiting
For a cloud that was silver-lined

Half the time I didn't mind being someone you couldn't find
Half the time I didn'ta mind being someone you couldn'ta find

Chorus
But I'm disinclined
to be in a bind
And put behind
aligned somewhere the sun don't shine.

Ahh I got locked up!
Ahh I got locked up!
Ahh I got locked up!
Ahh I got locked up!

Find you're the kind
to be in a bind
Leave you behind
It's a sign that my mind is fine

Ahh I got locked up!
Ahh I got locked up!
Ahh I got locked up!
Love locked me up!
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#4 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 03 June 2010 - 01:26 PM

Barney

Verse 1
An old man was all most people saw
When they looked at him
Security guard at a shopping mall
On the shady side of town
Local thugs nicknamed him Barney
Like the deputy with a gun
Gangsters can be ornery
Barney let them have their fun

Chorus
A .38 revolver,
Flashlight, and nightstick
Retired Special Forces
Barney knew a few tricks

Verse 2
He protected patrons and workers
At an all-night laundry mat
Barney carried out his orders
Duty with honorís what he was about
Gangs ruled the back allies
Cruised the streets in land yachts
Barney walked his short beat
Took care of his small spot

Chorus
A .38 revolver
Flashlight and nightstick
Retired Special Forces
Barney knew a few tricks

Verse 3
One night a desperate young outlaw
High on whiskey & white rock
Tried to hijacked a patron
Down on Barneyís short block
Thug pulled his nine and fired a shot
We expected more hot lead to pour
But Barney used his nightstick
To quickly settle the score

Chorus
A .38 revolver
Flashlight and nightstick
Retired Special Forces
Barney knew a few tricks

Bridge
When the squad cars arrived
Sirens blaring in the night
Barneyís patron was okay
The thug was out like a light

Chorus
A .38 revolver
Flashlight and nightstick
Retired Special Forces
Barney knew a few tricks
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#5 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 03 June 2010 - 03:10 PM

There Beside You

Iím there beside you
Iím the passion that stirs you
You think you feel me
But youíre unsure

Chorus:
Iím there beside you
In the cover of night
Iím there beside you
Iím your shadow in the light

You breathe me in
And taste my desire
I satisfy your hunger
You feed my soul

Chorus:
Iím there beside you
In the cover of night
Iím there beside you
Iím your shadow in the light

Iím the candlelight that guides you
Iím there in the distance
You exhale and I dance upon your breathe


Chorus:
Iím there beside you
In the cover of night
Iím there beside you
Iím your shadow in the light
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#6 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 05 June 2010 - 11:26 AM

LIFE IS A SONG

When you reach the crossroads
To ask which way to go,
It’s known to few, but often true
There’s no one there to know.
If ever help arrives,
It's a friend who knows the way,
Such delight, the end's in sight,
It’s your lucky day.

You’re nearing a town where life is a song,
And everyone feels connection.
Life without it, as some of you know,
Has a totally different complexion.
As all the world knows,
No one like exclusion.
In this town all made of music
You’ll find there’s less confusion.

Wherever you go a sign will show
Where writers went before you,
Where they stopped , where they shopped,
Where no one will ignore you.
And if you need a hand,
All will understand.
You’ll find they spring to action
To give you satisfaction.

It does feel good to have rounded the corner
Of" where do I go From here" Street.
To find yourself walking down closer to town
To "now I can see the way clear" street.
So follow in the footsteps
Of all who went before you
And you will reach the neighborhood
Of “ Everyone will adore you".

Once you’re there, I swear you’ll stare
Into so many happy faces,
In a line so long, each with a song,
With music that embraces.
But never enter Confusion
At the other side of town or
Song lines will crumble ,
While you sit and grumble.

So settle down at
This end of town
And lose your frown at last,
And don’t go back to the crossroads
no matter who should ask.
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#7 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 07 June 2010 - 10:07 AM

Don't Wait Up For Me

V1:
They're turning off the lights
And Joeís done wiping down the bar
The waitress waves good night
As she heads out to her car
The owner understands
And tosses me the extra key
There's been a change in plans
So Honey, don't wait up for me

V2:
Iím always at my best
In a secluded atmosphere
Canít get things off my chest
With you whispíring in my ear
It's hard to concentrate
Sometimes I need the privacy
To help me meditate
So Honey, don't wait up for me

Ch:
Don't wait up for me, 'cause I'm not coming home again
I'll pass the longing hours with my guitar and my pen
And if the mood is right I'll find the perfect melody
To play all through the night, so Honey, don't wait up for me

V3:
Now I've known for some time
You think Iím seeing someone new
Youíll break down when you find
A new love song just for you
The perfect words to write
Donít always fall out of the trees
I'm working late tonight
So Honey, don't wait up for me

Ch:
Don't wait up for me, 'cause I'm not coming home again
I'll pass the longing hours with my guitar and my pen
And if the mood is right, I'll find the perfect melody
To play all through the night, so Honey, don't wait up for me
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#8 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 07 June 2010 - 01:38 PM

Donít Be Afraid (To Lose A Loser)

Maryís on the corner of 6th and Main
Canít find cover from the pouring rain
Sheís waiting for Jim, heís late again
She wonít dare ask him where heís been

Jim drives up, lays on the horn
Mary jumps, her nerves are torn
He offers up not one regret
Except that sheís getting the seat wet

She knows what it gets her if she ever puts him to task
Another threat to leave her if she even starts to ask
Well, hey, Mary

(chorus)
Donít be afraid to lose a loser
Stop giving him all his excuses
ďHeís just stressedĒ
ďHe works so hardĒ
ďHe would have come.......Ē
If his boulevard werenít so jammed
With all his broken dreams
Donít be afraid to lose a loser
Itís not as scary as it seems

Maryís never been on her own
Except all the times when Jim gets stoned
She canít seem to cut her losses
But what would she lose but double crosses
And promises that always sink like stone

Itís been three years, theyíve found their rut
Maryís put in place when she speaks up
This is the life she seems to choose
Playing a hand sheís sure to lose

Is it fear or comfort in the same old sights and sounds
That has Mary holding on to the thing that holds her down
Well, hey, Mary

(chorus)
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#9 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 07 June 2010 - 03:50 PM

A Night like That

A swirl of fog caressed the lamp posts
On the streets of Manhattan
Inside a lone saxophone seduced us
With Coltrane, and Braxton
She wore a red carnation
In her black satin hair
And she stirred something in me
with her shy, yet beguiling stare

Have you ever had a night like that?
Have you ever had a night like that?

We moved like any couple would
Consumed with the heat of love
And danced so close there was barely room
For the air between us
Her touch gave me the courage
To ask for a kiss
And our times from that night on
were magical moments like this

Chorus
Have you ever had a night you wanted to linger on?
One you wanted to go on and on and on
Into forever and forever after thatÖ
Have you ever had a night like that?

When my hourglass starts running low
of its final grains of sand
I can say with certainty
I can die a happy man
I was wise enough to know
that a love as good as this
hasnít graced every heart that beats
proving heaven exists

Have you ever had a night you wanted to linger on?
One you wanted to go on and on and on
Into forever and forever after thatÖ
Have you ever had a night like that?

Have you ever had a night like that?
Have you ever had a night like that?
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#10 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 07 June 2010 - 07:23 PM

Got My Eye on Nashville

I got this ole guitar and at least a dozen songs
Three jobs and a mortgage
But I ainít going home
Iím headed up to Tennessee to see if I belong
I got my eye on Nashville
Got my Stetson on

Now I know itís a gamble, got three kids and a wife
Two jobs I donít want
One I wanna make my life
Iíll mosey up to Tennessee beneath them neon lights
I got my eye on Nashville
Got music on my mind

Chorus
Look out Nashville Tennessee
Howdy there Hank, Dunn and Chesney
I like my music, country
My boots are scootín to Tennessee

The uhaulís overloaded, everything we own
Kids fightín in the minivan
Wife, she wonít come on
Iím Tennessee bound and hoping I ainít wrong
I got my eye on Nashville
Pickín country songs

Itís been brutal ride down the highway to my dreams
Broke down on I-75
Ainít where I wanna be
But Iím just 300 miles this side of Tennessee
I got my eye on Nashville
Nashvilleís got its eye on me

Chorus
Look out Nashville Tennessee
Howdy there Hank, Dunn and Chesney
I like my music, country
My boots are scootín to Tennessee

I got my eye on Nashville
I got my eye on Nashville, Tennessee
I got my eye on Nashville
Nashvilleís got its eye on me
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#11 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 08 June 2010 - 11:32 AM

KNOCK ME OUT

Sheís my greatest inspiration
Lights the brightest constellations
In my sea of tranquility
Shadow of her ability

To knock me out
Knock me out
She knocks me out

We toppled thru the autumn leaves
Laughing out as the tempest breathes
Winter came on so suddenly
No time to stop the world for me

The plans we made were etched in stone
There with me now Iím not alone
Even though she is far away
Longing for all those autumn days

To knock me out
Knock me out
She knocks me out

A letter came for me today
I never thought that she would say
The end has come for both of us
It all comes down to broken trust

Lost all her will and her power
To stave off the darkest hours
Of loneliness and temperaments
And sorry but she never meant

To knock me out
Knock me out
She knocks me out
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#12 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 09 June 2010 - 10:38 AM

The contest is now closed for entries.... let the voting begin!!!

All members are allowed to score the lyrics; all contestants must provide scores or their lyric will be disqualified. It’s the law!

- Vote for all lyrics except your own on a scale of 1 to 10
- No half marks. Your score must be a whole number
- Your lyric gets the average score you gave the others

Please PM me your votes by June 15. The winners will be announced on the 16th.

Here are the songs:

Do You Dream
Locked Up
Barney
There Beside You
Life is a Song
Don't Wait Up For Me
Don't Be Afraid (to lose a loser)
A Night Like That
Got My Eye On Nashville
Knock Me Out
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#13 User is offline   Neal K Icon

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Posted 16 June 2010 - 11:25 AM

We have our winners for this month's contest.

1st Place, with 79 points:
Don't Wait Up For Me
By Midway

2nd Place, with 74 points
A Night Like That
By Kimberlyinnc

3rd Place, with 69 points
Got My Eye on Nashville
By Dottie

Thanks to everyone who entered, with special thanks to the non-participants who provided scores: RPG, Jonie, and SIB.

Here is the list of the lyrics, and who wrote them:

Do You Dream - Dannyk1
Locked Up - Starsinmyeyes
Barney - Graybeard
There Beside You - Just the Words
Life is a Song - MusefromMichigan
Don't Wait Up For Me - Midway
Don't Be Afraid (to lose a loser) - feegis
A Night Like That - Kimberlyinnc
Got My Eye On Nashville - Dottie
Knock Me Out - RKG
The forest would be silent if only the best birds sang.

#14 User is offline   Dottie Icon

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Posted 16 June 2010 - 12:50 PM

Congrats Midway on a great song!!

Kim, congrats on another great song!

#15 User is offline   just the words Icon

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Posted 16 June 2010 - 12:53 PM

Congrats to the winners!!
Shellie

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Posted 17 June 2010 - 10:59 AM

:) :D :lol: :D :) :P :D B)
Congrats to Midway and Dottie :D :)

It is super cool to see newer lyricists/musers enter and do well in the contest.

My personal Favorites were...

I had tied for First---Life is a Song and Don't be Afraid to lose a loser. The Life is a song, I felt it told a unique story, with some teachings in it as well. I was pleasantly surprised to see that Annie (musefrommichigan) had penned it..Nice lyric Annie! I hope you will put some music to this one. :)

The lyric Don't be Afraid to Lose a Loser by Feegis, whom I am not real familiar with as he is not on the site much, I liked. It had a decent message to it, and with the right music could work.

If anyone puts their lyrics from the contest on the critique forum I will share more thoughts I have about them... if you want to hear them... :lol as I hope you will do with my lyric as well.:

I had tied for 2nd place--Dottie's song and Don't wait up for me, Midway...
Do You Dream --Danny, -I felt this was very sentimental, and I liked it a lot

Got My Eye On Nashville --Dottie, it is good to see your writing as it keeps getting better and better on the structure, content, flow. You have always been open to make changes and re-writes, to offer crits. to others and always do it in a kind and helpful manner. I am very proud of you.

Again, some very nice lyrics this month from each participant. Thank you Neal for running it and adding up the scores. (which I would like to see mine, if you don't plan to post it publically) :)

Don't wait up for me- Midway--very nice but I did have a few questions on the meanings..I will bring that up on the forum if you post it:)



and....Thank you to the ones who voted for my lyrical attempt... A Night Like That...I was pleased that it placed...thank you very much~~ :) I will be posting it in the lyrical critique for comments, so I can improve it...any help is appreciated. :)
.
Kimberlyinnc
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#17 User is offline   Midway Icon

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Posted 17 June 2010 - 05:25 PM

Wow! I go out of town on business for a few days and come back home an award winning auteur. :blink: How soon 'till I receive my check and knick-knack for my trophy shelf? ... Huh? What's that? I don't get... Oh! Nevermind. B)

Well, thanks to everyone who scored me high enough to put a dent in the outcome. I really wasn't expecting it, especially against my top 3 picks (in order):

A Night Like That - Good one Kim. Anyone who can work a reference to Coltrane into a song is doing something right.

There Beside You - Shellie, "You exhale and I dance upon your breathe" just slayed me. I can hear that one as just a vocal with a slight echo floating above a single piano pulsing with thin chords, hypnotizing the listener. Ooooh!! Are those goose bumps? Why, yes. Yes they are.

Got My Eye On Nashville - Dottie pulls another one out of her hat that I wish I had thought of first.

Tough competition. I was just lucky this time.

Peace,
J.

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Posted 17 June 2010 - 06:02 PM

You're too humble, Midway. Your lyric was far and away the deserved winner, in my book. Very well written. Congrats.

Congratulations also to Kim and Dottie for two good entries. I agree, it is nice to see those fairly new to the site entering contests and getting recognition. And 10 lyrics! It wasn't that long ago the lyric contest was only drawing 3 maybe 4 lyrics a month. Good to see such a large showing.

I had "Don't Wait Up For Me" out in front with "A Night Like That" and "Locked Up" tied for second.
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#19 User is offline   Dannyk1 Icon

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Posted 17 June 2010 - 09:32 PM

Great Job Midway, Kim, and Dottie. Really good stuff. I am pleased to see you guys at the top of the heap. Congrats all around!

Danny
The heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing of." óBlaise Pascal, 1670

#20 User is offline   Alistair S Icon

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Posted 18 June 2010 - 05:35 AM

Well done, Midway!

I never got around to voting in this one but, had I done so, there was one, clear winner that was way out in front of the rest. That was "Don't Wait Up For Me". I'm glad it won :)
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