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Lyric Critique Forum RulesFeel free to post your lyrics here so that others can tell you what they think. If you're critiquing, please make sure to keep your criticism constructive.
PLEASE NOTE: Messages will remain here for 30 days before they'll be pruned. Storing too many messages slows down the board display for everyone. Remember that this board is free for you all, but the space it takes up isn't free for me to provide. ;) Also note that there are both guidelines and RULES before. Please read both! I appreciate your understanding.
RULES FOR POSTING:
1) Please only post one song per day.
2) Please post a minimum of two reviews for each posting of your own lyrics
If you want reviews, you need to give reviews. The more you review, the more you will get back. This is not a "pat on the back" forum. It's a place for people to get constructive criticism about work they're genuinely interested in improving. You need a thick skin, and you need to PARTICIPATE by doing more than just posting your own song. Help out your fellow participants and you will, in fact, be helping yourself.
3) If your message becomes a personal attack on anyone, expect it to be erased. This is a LYRIC critique board - not a PERSON critique board. ;) Keep your messages and your replies on topic.
4) And it disappoints me that I even have to mention this ... but PLEASE keep your lyrics tasteful. What do I mean by that? Overt sexuality, extreme amounts of swearing ... Ok. I don't mind self-expression. But when it's just gross for the reason of being gross and serves no purpose whatsoever than to offend, it's not welcome here. End of story. Use metaphors. Be creative and not overt. There are kids that read this stuff, ok? Thanks.
If we stick to these simple guidelines, we'll all be a bit happier - and more able to keep up with the volume of songs posted.
GUIDELINES FOR POSTING
1) Indicate what genre your song is for. This will give people a better idea of the goals you might have with your song and will avoid confusion.
2) Let people know if you're after an in-depth critique. If you're not, don't say anything. But if you really want people to go to town on your lyric - if you're after constructive criticism that will really help you with improving it, please do say so. You can add that into your thread's "description" field when you first post.
3) PLEASE participate in other areas of the board. I realize that for some of you, this forum is extremely important - and I think that's great! But there are other forums too. Spread your wisdom around, hmm? ;) Become a participating member of this community.
Thanks folks! --Jodi
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| TRAGEDY KNOWS OUTCAST JOES, Rewrite |
 Nov 7 2009, 11:14 PM
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 A Muse's Muse  Group: Members Posts: 559 Joined: 10-December 02 From: Beautiful Vancouver Member No.: 10628  |
Hi guys ... I took some time to rewrite this lyric. It now has a tune to it.
Hope you like the improvements. http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songI...;songID=8327422 --- NOW THE MUSIC IS POSTED! Tragedy Knows Outcast Joes Stanley Loh Oct 28, 2009 VERSE 1 On every street there sleeps a kid who has lost his glory, Secrecy falls in love with his own sad story, Same plots that tragedy knows, Braided tales of woe, When Satan wields his black magic, The mystery dives below…Ooooooh VERSE 2 On a city mall where blue suits are sold to high class gentiles, The owner calls for help to move the sleeping pile, The pain that tragedy shows, He’s got nowhere to go, The city slums of welfare bricks, Are filled with outcast Joes! CHORUS Tragedy knows outcast Joes, In the halls of darkness, Tragedy knows downcast Joes, In valleys so defenseless. Instrumental G C/ G C/ VERSE 3 House of tears where mama yearns for the babe she bore, The sapling that she once planted, now a sycamore, She begs for him to show, But only deaf ears know, When Satan leaves his calling card, It brings back tears of old…Ooooooh VERSE 4 He doesn’t hear his mama cry, his tears feel no compassion, He wonders why he suffers on when a warm bed beckons, He stands to pack and go, The pay phone says “hello”, When he says “collect”, the finger clicks, Old Pride gains undertow … CHORUS Tragedy knows outcast Joes, In the halls of darkness, Tragedy knows downcast Joes, In valleys so defenseless. Ooooooh (tragedy knows) … Ooooooh (tragedy knows) … Ooooooh Fade out -------------------- Having Fun!!! Keepers of Muse's Muse
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/stanloh |
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Nov 8 2009, 10:20 AM
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#2
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 Sophisticated Dirt Group: Moderators Posts: 1438 Joined: 26-January 07 From: Cardiff - Wales Member No.: 17279 |
wow
what brilliant lines here that mould together to make a brilliant lyric.. not sure where to start.. first line is wonderful and evocative.. this is brilliant :- "House of tears where mama yearns for the babe she bore, The sapling that she once planted, now a sycamore" Stan.. my old friend.. this is my fav I've read from you.. beautiful wording.. and emotional too.. your friend Stewie -------------------- My Website
"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self" |
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Nov 8 2009, 04:50 PM
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#3
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A Muse's Muse Group: Members Posts: 559 Joined: 10-December 02 From: Beautiful Vancouver Member No.: 10628 |
Stew ...
You make me very happy with your comment, my friend. I've now posted the song on Sound Click. http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songI...;songID=8327422 Please have a listen. Thanks so much! Stan -------------------- Having Fun!!! Keepers of Muse's Muse
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/stanloh |
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| Lo-Fi Version | Time is now: 21st November 2009 - 08:21 PM |
