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The Gatekeeper-Final mix August 24th Final demo.PLEASE advise on lyrical changes..

#1 User is offline   kimberlyinnc Icon

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Posted 07 April 2012 - 01:23 PM

AUGUST 24th please read what is in blue this time around..thanks..

Hi guys,
I am still in the process of deciding what I need to change and tweak on this lyric but wanted to offer my idea of how I maybe hear the music.... :rolleyes:
I am NOT a singer, as anyone can tell and the music is done with a computer, but it can give an idea. :)

How is the melody and does the lyric make sense, does it leave you with questions and which ones? I am not asking for recording advice, as I know that is rough. I would LOVE once the lyric is "finished" for a lady singer to help me with this, if anyone is out there and could do it in an "adele-like" fashion... :)


Thanks guys



AUG 24TH, THANKS TO EVERYONE FOR THEIR ADVICE ON THIS ONE, IT HAS BEEN A LONG PROCESS. SPECIAL THANKS TO MY COLLABORATOR ED SWARTZ FOR HIS DEDICATION TO THIS PROJECT AND TO COLIN WARD FOR HIS BEAUTIFUL GUITAR WORK. THIS WILL hopefully BE THE FINAL VERSION OF IT, BUT SHARING THE FINAL ONE WITH YOU GUYS, AGAIN THANKS!!!

we still plan to do a piano version of this perhaps with a female singer..but the lyrics were changed in each verse as well as last line in chorus for this final time...
My very first version before I had a collaborator in case you want to compare rough beginnings.. :)


http://soundclick.co...cfm?id=11549334

We put this up in class at songu and were told the lyrics are not ready yet...please tell us your thoughts...
FINAL VERSION? --With Ed...
http://soundclick.co...cfm?id=11758717


The Gatekeeper -FINAL LYRIC...
Kimberly Hales Kime
Ed Swartz

When it came to love
and happily ever after
my cynical side stood in the way
When it came to trust
I was afraid to surrender
guarding the key to a jaded lonely heart’s gate

Pre-chorus
like tiny shards of glass,
pain was scattered on my path
and every step I took forward drew blood
Chorus
'til you whispered a thousand "I love you's"
my defenses began to crumble and fall away
but your faith in me allowed me to let you in
you never gave up or lost your way to this gatekeeper


When you came along
You gave me hope and affection
though at times, I resisted, you still stayed
and when you hold me close
I’m a hopeless romantic
And something inside me believes what you say

Pre-chorus
like tiny shards of glass,
pain was scattered on my path
and every step I took forward drew blood

Chorus 2
‘til you whispered a thousand I love yous
my defenses began to crumble and fall away
YES, your faith in me, allowed me to let you in
you never gave up or lost your way to this gatekeeper

Chorus with lift
AND you whispered a thousand I love yous
my defenses began to crumble and fall away
YES, your faith in me, allowed me to let you in
you never gave up or lost your way to this gatekeeper

© Kimberly Hales Kime/Ed Swartz BMI All Rights Reserved




The Gatekeeper-old LYRIC

When it came to love
and happily ever after
my cynical side stood in the way
When it came to trust
I was afraid to surrender
protecting the key that would open my hearts gate


Pre-chorus
like tiny shards of glass,
pain was scattered on my path
and every step I took forward drew blood


Chorus
'til you whispered a thousand "I love you's"
my defenses began to crumble and fall away
but your faith in me allowed me to let you in
and gain the key to my heart its gatekeeper


When it came to pain
I know it taught me lessons
though at times its hard to see which road to take
When it comes to you
I'm a hopeless romantic
but something inside me believes what you say

Pre-chorus
like tiny shards of glass,
pain was scattered on my path
and every step I took forward drew blood

Chorus 2
til you whispered a thousand I love yous
my defenses began to crumble and fall away
YES, your faith in me, allowed me to let you in
and gain the key to my heart, from its gatekeeper

(repeat with lift)
AND you whispered a thousand I love yous
my defenses began to crumble and fall away
YES, your faith in me, allowed me to let you in
and gain the key to my heart, from its gatekeeper

© Kimberly Hales Kime/Ed Swartz
KimberlyinNC
"Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man's growth without destroying his roots"
****My Songwriting Website****
www.littleikepublishing.com

#2 User is offline   Zeek Icon

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Posted 07 April 2012 - 04:33 PM

That little repeating riff is infectious. I thought the verse melody was pretty spot on. The pre didn't lift like it should...maybe come in with the minor and not the same chord that starts the verse. It's long too. Get away from those 4 line pres. Do it in 2 or 1...they're just meant to transition into the chorus.

The chorus didn't wow me and I think it's because you're singing so staccato. I was looking for more rapid fire there--this way the chording could stay somewhat the same with the phrasing of the vocal changing. Don't tell me you're no singer and can't do it because the verse melody was awesome!

Few other things...

gatekeeper then gate next line didn't work for me.

"paved" the way---typo

your faith in me allowed me to gain the key--I know you don't talk like that so don't sing like that!

I like the hook...just not how you got there but those verses are somethinmg to build on for sure.

Zeek

#3 User is offline   Kenneth Bradshaw Icon

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Posted 07 April 2012 - 05:24 PM

I think in your second chord change that you should go down for the chord instead of up. The beauty of the song would be enhanced with some lower notes. Along that line, I think you should create a stronger bass part

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Posted 08 April 2012 - 04:45 AM

First impression with intro - beautiful beautiful beautiful

Verse melody - terrific. Perfect for the message of this song.

Lyrics - verse. Like much. Very sincere.

Agree with Zeek on the infectiousness of the riff. But... I think it would be good to take the song in a different direction at some point - even if just a brief sojourn. Just something to shake things up just a tad. Heck - it could be a surprise pause in the music, or some surprise chord change at some point.

But that small thought aside, you already have a song that brings chills (the good kind) to me even in this demo form.

Some people are just natural melodics. And some people write good lyrics. You are both in this song.

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Posted 08 April 2012 - 08:32 AM

Hi Kim
Wishing you a Happy Easter...I agree with Zeek. You can sing and you are a singer.
I love your voice. It's unique. Otherwise you have some great suggestions from musers. Great song

Take care

Theresa

#6 User is offline   R-N-R Jim Icon

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Posted 08 April 2012 - 12:40 PM

View Postkimberlyinnc, on 07 April 2012 - 01:23 PM, said:

Hi guys,
I am still in the process of deciding what I need to change and tweak on this lyric but wanted to offer my idea of how I maybe hear the music.... :rolleyes:
I am NOT a singer, as anyone can tell and the music is done with a computer, but it can give an idea. :)

How is the melody and does the lyric make sense, does it leave you with questions and which ones? I am not asking for recording advice, as I know that is rough. I would LOVE once the lyric is "finished" for a lady singer to help me with this, if anyone is out there and could do it in an "adele-like" fashion... :)

Thanks guys

I have not posted much lately, life has gotten in the way of writing much.



http://soundclick.co...cfm?id=11549334
The Gatekeeper

When it came to love
and happily ever after
my cynical side stood in the way Some good opening lines here.
When it came to trust
I was the cautious gatekeeper
guarding the key to my heart's gate I don't think you need to say "gate" here. "Fragile heart" maybe.


Pre-chorus
like tiny shards of glass,
pain was scattered on my path
every step forward
drew blood There is nothing in the first verse that sets this up. You talk about a cynical side in line 3 of the verse, but don't tell what made the singer cynical. If there was a past love affair(s) that went sour, then being a cautious gate keeper doesn't apply to the past as in "was" in line 5 of verse 1. If the verse would have said or articulated that past experiences made her more cautious, then the set up for the pre-chorus and chorus would apply here.


Chorus
'til you whispered a thousand "I love you's"
and somehow paved the way
your faith in me allowed you to gain the key
to the heart of the gatekeeper I understand the concept but it makes it sound so third person, as if there is another person living in her mind or conscience.


When it comes to pain
I know it teaches lessons
though it's hard to see which move to make Contradicts the first verse.
When it comes to you
I'm a hopeless romantic
something in me believes what you say This verse is okay, but has been covered in the chorus.



Pre-chorus
like tiny shards of glass,
pain was scattered on my path
every step forward
drew blood


Chorus
'til you whispered a thousand "I love you's"
and somehow paved the way
your faith in me allowed you to gain the key
to the heart of the gatekeeper


Tag
your faith in me, allowed you to gain the key
to the heart of the gatekeeper.
© Kimberly Hales Kime March 2012


Hi Kim

I liked your singing in this along with some of your other songs. There is something about your delivery that is unique and yet identifiable. I understand the plot here for this song, but felt the set up to be awkward or confusing. I was expecting something different musically for the chorus. I guess to make it more so the gift of this guys love is to set up the pain better in the first verse.

just my two cents worth
R-N-R Jim
"Its all about taking the easy way out for you, I suppose" -elliot smith


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link below is an honorable mention from a national songwriting contest that I entered the song "Baby" that I wrote with the help of singnpeach on vocals and a couple lines for the lyrics she added. Not bad for a muse collaboration.

http://www.songofthe...JamesUpham.html

#7 User is offline   DannyDep Icon

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Posted 08 April 2012 - 09:16 PM

Hi Kim,

My first reaction is that there are many rhythm’s in the phrases that are not taking me in the same emotional direction. :unsure:
Okay, now I shall try to explain what I mean.

In my listening mind, (which I don’t analyze consciously) I'm hearing two three line melodic phrases.

So when I hear the melody of the first three lines, my unconscious mind wants to hear that repeated in the second three lines, but the length of the syllables in line 5 throws off what I’m expecting to hear from the flow of line 2.
In other words, the flow of line 2, “and happily ever after” and line 5, “I was the cautious gatekeeper” are too different from each other. :o
It feels awkward to me. :(

Same in the pre-chorus,
the phrasing of the third line seems awkward.
I would have preferred to have heard the participle and,
And every (pause) step forward
drew blood

Am I making any sense? :unsure:
Sometimes, how something is said makes more musical and emotional sense than the actual words one uses in a song.
To my musical sensibilities it makes more sense to feel a phrase rather than to think it.

I like what you have here and I don’t think you are far off. :)
Hope this was helpful. :huh:
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Posted 10 April 2012 - 07:16 AM

I really like the basic idea of this Kim - and the vocal line n delivery is great..Has a really sincere,heartfelt feeling..The chorus just re-iterates the same verse n pre chorus chords n melody tho -so is a disappointment..I think you need to do something musically different there..
Its a shame you're so unconfident about your voice..Its not a classic american idol factor voice by any means - but i think its great as it is -and has alot of personality..And (for my taste ) i've nearly always preferred your sung versions of your songs compared with more 'professional' sounding ones you sometimes put along side them..

#9 User is offline   porcupine Icon

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Posted 10 April 2012 - 09:44 PM

Hi Kim,

I like you, have alot of irons in the fire right now. But I wanted to take a few minutes and listen to this song.

The piano part is infectious, It creates a great vibe. Overall the lyrics paint a good picture and your vocals are better than what you think (I know that Im over critical of my own voice too).

The considerations I would give:

The Channel or PreChorus needs be a spring board. The easiest way to make that happen is change the chords...If I am correct my saying the chords are Ebsus2 to Cmin7 to Ab major during the verse, then i would use a progression different for the lift --- fmin7 to gmin7 to Bbsus4 to Bb major and hang for a sec. (these are just examples)

If you dont change the chords, then the song takes on a sleepy vibe and if thats what you're shooting for, you're good.

The end two lines of the Chorus need to be brough out to be noticed a bit more. THe chords during the last two lines may want to be different also, just to give it a distinction from the verse.


The only lyric line I have an issue with is in the chorus. "your faith in me allowed you to gain the key to the heart of the gatekeeper". Not sure what person you are speaking in, but ALOT of prep phrases here. I got lost in in a bit.

I love the vibe of the song. Great stuff

Porcupine
These are just ideas.
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#10 User is offline   kimberlyinnc Icon

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Posted 14 April 2012 - 10:56 AM

View PostZeek, on 07 April 2012 - 05:33 PM, said:

That little repeating riff is infectious. Thank you Zeek!! I thought the verse melody was pretty spot on. The pre didn't lift like it should...maybe come in with the minor (not sure what that means, not being a player)I have to look back and see what chord it was and what you mean to change it to... :) :) and not the same chord that starts the verse. It's long too. Get away from those 4 line pres. Do it in 2 or 1...they're just meant to transition into the chorus. It looks like 4 lines but it really is like one long sentence. ;) .though written on paper like 4 lines to show break in singing...but I can see your point, not sure how to cut it and still have the meaning come through...I will think on it for sure :)

The chorus didn't wow me and I think it's because you're singing so staccato. I was looking for more rapid fire there--this way the chording could stay somewhat the same with the phrasing of the vocal changing. Don't tell me you're no singer and can't do it because the verse melody was awesome! Thanks. rapid fire do you mean stronger and faster ?

Few other things...

gatekeeper then gate next line didn't work for me. Yes that is something others on JPF had brought up and in songu class, something I will probably change. :)

"paved" the way---typo--Yes I missed that, thank you!
your faith in me allowed me to gain the key--I know you don't talk like that so don't sing like that!
ok. I need to get the point across but more usual speaking...

I like the hook...just not how you got there but those verses are somethinmg to build on for sure.

Zeek

is there something specific about the verses that didn't get you to the chorus? thanks for any advice as I re-write this. HUGS!!!
Thank you!!!!
KimberlyinNC
"Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man's growth without destroying his roots"
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#11 User is offline   kimberlyinnc Icon

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Posted 14 April 2012 - 11:21 AM

View PostKenneth Bradshaw, on 07 April 2012 - 06:24 PM, said:

I think in your second chord change that you should go down for the chord instead of up. The beauty of the song would be enhanced with some lower notes. Along that line, I think you should create a stronger bass part

Kenneth, since I am not a musician, I am not real sure what you mean here--- in my 2nd chorus change...can you be more specific lyrically where you are talking about? ....and I can work on the bass too...though prefer to get someone else sing/play it, someday. Thanks Kenneth for your advice. I hate to ask more questions, but I am still learning and don't play an instrument. :)

Kim
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#12 User is offline   kimberlyinnc Icon

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Posted 14 April 2012 - 11:39 AM

View PostTheresa, on 08 April 2012 - 09:32 AM, said:

Hi Kim
Wishing you a Happy Easter...I agree with Zeek. You can sing and you are a singer.
I love your voice. It's unique. Otherwise you have some great suggestions from musers. Great song

Take care

Theresa


Thanks Theresa, you are very sweet. I hope I can get this one worked out..

hugs

Kim
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#13 User is offline   kimberlyinnc Icon

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Posted 14 April 2012 - 11:56 AM

View PostR-N-R Jim, on 08 April 2012 - 01:40 PM, said:

View Postkimberlyinnc, on 07 April 2012 - 01:23 PM, said:

Hi guys,
I am still in the process of deciding what I need to change and tweak on this lyric but wanted to offer my idea of how I maybe hear the music.... :rolleyes:
I am NOT a singer, as anyone can tell and the music is done with a computer, but it can give an idea. :)

How is the melody and does the lyric make sense, does it leave you with questions and which ones? I am not asking for recording advice, as I know that is rough. I would LOVE once the lyric is "finished" for a lady singer to help me with this, if anyone is out there and could do it in an "adele-like" fashion... :)

Thanks guys

I have not posted much lately, life has gotten in the way of writing much.



http://soundclick.co...cfm?id=11549334
The Gatekeeper

When it came to love
and happily ever after
my cynical side stood in the way Some good opening lines here.
When it came to trust
I was the cautious gatekeeper
guarding the key to my heart's gate I don't think you need to say "gate" here. "Fragile heart" maybe.


Pre-chorus
like tiny shards of glass,
pain was scattered on my path
every step forward
drew blood There is nothing in the first verse that sets this up. You talk about a cynical side in line 3 of the verse, but don't tell what made the singer cynical. If there was a past love affair(s) that went sour, then being a cautious gate keeper doesn't apply to the past as in "was" in line 5 of verse 1. If the verse would have said or articulated that past experiences made her more cautious, then the set up for the pre-chorus and chorus would apply here.

I am trying to wrap my head around where you are getting with this. I felt that verse one tells when it came to love, she had been hurt, and she guarded the gate, always was guarded. I thought it was clear that the reason behind it was being hurt before. Do I need to say out and out, been lied to or dumped or whatever to give reason to having being guarded? I am asking, not to argue but would one be really confused when hearing the song?

Chorus
'til you whispered a thousand "I love you's"
and somehow paved the way
your faith in me allowed you to gain the key
to the heart of the gatekeeper I understand the concept but it makes it sound so third person, as if there is another person living in her mind or conscience.
Yes, but there are many songs, that talk of themselves as the third person...but perhaps I need to say, to the heart of THIS gatekeeper? would that help any?
When it comes to pain
I know it teaches lessons
though it's hard to see which move to make Contradicts the first verse. not sure how it contradicts...she is saying, yes there was pain but it did teach her...lessons but leaves one alittle too afraid to move on...perhaps? :)
When it comes to you
I'm a hopeless romantic
something in me believes what you say This verse is okay, but has been covered in the chorus.
I can see your point..

Pre-chorus
like tiny shards of glass,
pain was scattered on my path
every step forward
drew blood


Chorus
'til you whispered a thousand "I love you's"
and somehow paved the way
your faith in me allowed you to gain the key
to the heart of the gatekeeper


Tag
your faith in me, allowed you to gain the key
to the heart of the gatekeeper.
© Kimberly Hales Kime March 2012


Hi Kim

I liked your singing in this along with some of your other songs. There is something about your delivery that is unique and yet identifiable. I understand the plot here for this song, but felt the set up to be awkward or confusing. I was expecting something different musically for the chorus. I guess to make it more so the gift of this guys love is to set up the pain better in the first verse.

just my two cents worth
R-N-R Jim

Thanks for your advice and time Jim, I will take it all into account when I re-write. :)
Kim
KimberlyinNC
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www.littleikepublishing.com

#14 User is offline   kimberlyinnc Icon

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Posted 14 April 2012 - 12:05 PM

View PostDannyDep, on 08 April 2012 - 10:16 PM, said:

Hi Kim,

My first reaction is that there are many rhythm’s in the phrases that are not taking me in the same emotional direction. :unsure:
Okay, now I shall try to explain what I mean.

In my listening mind, (which I don’t analyze consciously) I'm hearing two three line melodic phrases.

So when I hear the melody of the first three lines, my unconscious mind wants to hear that repeated in the second three lines, but the length of the syllables in line 5 throws off what I’m expecting to hear from the flow of line 2.
In other words, the flow of line 2, “and happily ever after” and line 5, “I was the cautious gatekeeper” are too different from each other. :o
It feels awkward to me. :( is it in the way it is constructed lyrically or the way I sing or pause it ? so you feel the melody in the verses need to repeat in each 3 line couplet?
Same in the pre-chorus,
the phrasing of the third line seems awkward.
I would have preferred to have heard the participle and,
And every (pause) step forward
drew blood

Am I making any sense? :unsure:
Sometimes, how something is said makes more musical and emotional sense than the actual words one uses in a song.
To my musical sensibilities it makes more sense to feel a phrase rather than to think it.

I like what you have here and I don’t think you are far off. :)
Hope this was helpful. :huh:

Thanks Danny, I am asking to try to fix the problem and I appreciate you sharing your gut reaction from it..:)
Kim
KimberlyinNC
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#15 User is offline   kimberlyinnc Icon

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Posted 14 April 2012 - 12:08 PM

View PostScenesFromPalacio, on 10 April 2012 - 08:16 AM, said:

I really like the basic idea of this Kim - and the vocal line n delivery is great..Has a really sincere,heartfelt feeling..The chorus just re-iterates the same verse n pre chorus chords n melody tho -so is a disappointment..I think you need to do something musically different there..yes it is very similiar, and not being a music writer limits me in knowing what chords to use to build and flow one into another and work...that is hard for me.Its a shame you're so unconfident about your voice..Its not a classic american idol factor voice by any means - but i think its great as it is -and has alot of personality..And (for my taste ) i've nearly always preferred your sung versions of your songs compared with more 'professional' sounding ones you sometimes put along side them..

Thanks, what a sweet thing to say. I have never sung in a studio and not sure with some auto tuning etc if I would work in a demo setting, I doubt it but I enjoy singing yet my hangups hold me back. I was fine in school among others, or in trios but alone ..eekk...thanks Steve---perhaps some kind soul will help me out with this one to get that music more into shape.

Kim
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#16 User is offline   kimberlyinnc Icon

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Posted 14 April 2012 - 12:17 PM

View Postporcupine, on 10 April 2012 - 10:44 PM, said:

Hi Kim,

I like you, have alot of irons in the fire right now. But I wanted to take a few minutes and listen to this song. I appreciate it Charles :)
The piano part is infectious, It creates a great vibe. Overall the lyrics paint a good picture and your vocals are better than what you think (I know that Im over critical of my own voice too).
Thank you!!
The considerations I would give:

The Channel or PreChorus needs be a spring board. The easiest way to make that happen is change the chords...If I am correct my saying the chords are Ebsus2 to Cmin7 to Ab major during the verse, then i would use a progression different for the lift --- fmin7 to gmin7 to Bbsus4 to Bb major and hang for a sec. (these are just examples) the pre-chorus is
Eb Eb GM GM CM CM AB AB
I am not sure this computer program and jam studios will allow the chords you suggested...but I will see..and I can not make it hang...as it is not played live..ya know?


If you dont change the chords, then the song takes on a sleepy vibe and if thats what you're shooting for, you're good.

The end two lines of the Chorus need to be brough out to be noticed a bit more. THe chords during the last two lines may want to be different also, just to give it a distinction from the verse.
I can look into that, jam studios is limiting as I only get 5 sep. pages to do all the song on...16 chord changes for each page. so too many changes, there is not room, a real flaw in the website if you ask me..but if done with real instruments, more could be added..this is more or less an idea for a melody and not meant to be a final musical piece :)
The only lyric line I have an issue with is in the chorus. "your faith in me allowed you to gain the key to the heart of the gatekeeper". Not sure what person you are speaking in, but ALOT of prep phrases here. I got lost in in a bit. what is a prep phrase? and if I changed it to the heart of THIS gatekeeper would that make it clearer? she referred herself to being the gatekeeper early on so I felt it was clear it was her, but maybe not? I ask as Iam going to re-write and want to be clear and informed as I do it :) I love the vibe of the song. Great stuff

Porcupine
These are just ideas.

Thanks so much!!!! :)
KimberlyinNC
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#17 User is offline   R-N-R Jim Icon

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Posted 14 April 2012 - 01:19 PM

View Postkimberlyinnc, on 14 April 2012 - 11:56 AM, said:

View PostR-N-R Jim, on 08 April 2012 - 01:40 PM, said:

View Postkimberlyinnc, on 07 April 2012 - 01:23 PM, said:

Hi guys,
I am still in the process of deciding what I need to change and tweak on this lyric but wanted to offer my idea of how I maybe hear the music.... :rolleyes:
I am NOT a singer, as anyone can tell and the music is done with a computer, but it can give an idea. :)

How is the melody and does the lyric make sense, does it leave you with questions and which ones? I am not asking for recording advice, as I know that is rough. I would LOVE once the lyric is "finished" for a lady singer to help me with this, if anyone is out there and could do it in an "adele-like" fashion... :)

Thanks guys

I have not posted much lately, life has gotten in the way of writing much.



http://soundclick.co...cfm?id=11549334
The Gatekeeper

When it came to love
and happily ever after
my cynical side stood in the way If she were to say, because of what I saw with other peoples relationship failings, her cynical side got in the way of exploring love and happy ever after, only then would lines 4 and 5 would make sense. The "too shy and cynical side" would then come into play for being this cautious gate keeper. But as you said, she is referring to her own failed relationships, and thus "was" the cautious gate keeper doesn't quite line up here.
When it came to trust
I "was" the cautious gatekeeper
guarding the key to my heart's gate


Pre-chorus
like tiny shards of glass,
pain was scattered on my path
every step forward
drew blood Again, the pre-chorus doesn't line up with the idea of being cautious in line 5 of the 1rst verse. If you were to say that these experiences has led me to become a more cautious gate keeper, Then it makes sense.

I am trying to wrap my head around where you are getting with this. I felt that verse one tells when it came to love, she had been hurt , and she guarded the gate, always was guarded. I thought it was clear that the reason behind it was being hurt before. Do I need to say out and out, been lied to or dumped or whatever to give reason to having being guarded? I am asking, not to argue but would one be really confused when hearing the song?

Chorus
'til you whispered a thousand "I love you's"
and somehow paved the way
your faith in me allowed you to gain the key
to the heart of the gatekeeper I understand the concept but it makes it sound so third person, as if there is another person living in her mind or conscience.
Yes, but there are many songs, that talk of themselves as the third person...but perhaps I need to say, to the heart of THIS gatekeeper? would that help any? This is true.
When it comes to pain
I know it teaches lessons
though it's hard to see which move to make Contradicts the first verse. not sure how it contradicts...she is saying, yes there was pain but it did teach her...lessons but leaves one alittle too afraid to move on...perhaps? :)
When it comes to you
I'm a hopeless romantic
something in me believes what you say This verse is okay, but has been covered in the chorus.
I can see your point..

Pre-chorus
like tiny shards of glass,
pain was scattered on my path
every step forward
drew blood


Chorus
'til you whispered a thousand "I love you's"
and somehow paved the way
your faith in me allowed you to gain the key
to the heart of the gatekeeper


Tag
your faith in me, allowed you to gain the key
to the heart of the gatekeeper.
© Kimberly Hales Kime March 2012


Hi Kim

I liked your singing in this along with some of your other songs. There is something about your delivery that is unique and yet identifiable. I understand the plot here for this song, but felt the set up to be awkward or confusing. I was expecting something different musically for the chorus. I guess to make it more so the gift of this guys love is to set up the pain better in the first verse.

just my two cents worth
R-N-R Jim

Thanks for your advice and time Jim, I will take it all into account when I re-write. :)
Kim


I hope I was able to explain the first verse better to you as far as the "was" factor is concerned. Although, I wonder why you then have a pre-chorus when its been covered by the economy of the first three lines of verse 1? Maybe the pre-chorus would be better spent on how she is being coaxed out of her comfort zone. Lots to ponder here.

just my two cents worth
R-N-R Jim

"Its all about taking the easy way out for you, I suppose" -elliot smith


To listen to songs I have written and recorded, go to these links:

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link below is an honorable mention from a national songwriting contest that I entered the song "Baby" that I wrote with the help of singnpeach on vocals and a couple lines for the lyrics she added. Not bad for a muse collaboration.

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Posted 15 April 2012 - 07:17 PM

Thanks Jim for answering me back and yes, lots to ponder...thanks alot!!!!

Kim
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Posted 19 April 2012 - 12:20 PM

You appear to have a four chord sequence that goes down and the ear expects the 4th chord - probably your dominant chord to follow that pattern. Instead it jumps up to a higher octave. It is the fourth chord of your introduction and as you sing it is the chord you hit on "way". It would be nicer if you played it an octave lower and completed your pattern of decending, then jumped up when you returned to the root chord.

A simple bass for this song would be to hold the root of the chord for 3 beats and the dominant on the 4th (C, then G in a C chord). You could start with that and make small modifications to your own tastes. Ken

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Posted 19 April 2012 - 11:47 PM

Hi Kimberly

This is my first post! Hopefully there

I think I recognize your username from 50/90 and FAWM. If I'm right, my memory isn't always the best, then nice to see you here as well.

I enjoyed listening to your song. It was deeply heartfelt and captured a specific moment in one's life of love.

I understand from reading your replies above that there's not much you can do to make the arrangement richer given the program you're using, but I think you've captured the idea quite well using the process. And I'm all for making the absolute best of all resources available. And given the strong bones I'm pretty it would be a perfect song for a fully orchestrated production.

What you might consider and what you can change.
The vocal get a little "pitchy" when you sing "whispered" and "faith".
With regards to lyrics, it's strong and paints a lovely picture, and the words would pack even more punch in a sumptuous organic production that allowed a little more expressiveness and interaction between the vocal and the arrangement.

You certainly are blessed to have so many wonderful suggestions to work with in a next iteration of the song, I don't know if my input helped any... other than to commend you on a job well done.

wolf.

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Posted 23 April 2012 - 09:03 PM

View PostKenneth Bradshaw, on 19 April 2012 - 01:20 PM, said:

You appear to have a four chord sequence that goes down and the ear expects the 4th chord - probably your dominant chord to follow that pattern. Instead it jumps up to a higher octave. It is the fourth chord of your introduction and as you sing it is the chord you hit on "way". It would be nicer if you played it an octave lower and completed your pattern of decending, then jumped up when you returned to the root chord.

A simple bass for this song would be to hold the root of the chord for 3 beats and the dominant on the 4th (C, then G in a C chord). You could start with that and make small modifications to your own tastes. Ken

Thanks for your advice on this Ken, but one thing is on this computer program I use, I can not do holds for a beat or anything like that. I suppose at this point in the game, except for making changes lyrically, I would be to the point of hoping to collaborate with a singer who is a musician to co-write it with. But I do appreciate your advice! I am trying to learn, and understand but some of this is over my head. ;)

Kim
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Posted 23 April 2012 - 09:04 PM

View PostJim Colyer, on 19 April 2012 - 10:46 PM, said:

Good song. It is one of those "catharsis" songs where you let your emotions run free. I like the way the instrumentation drives the vocal.
Jim Colyer

Thanks Jim, Yes I suppose it is, kinda of reflecting on what she has been through, and seeing how now this new love has changed her, and she is happy for it

Thanks for checking it out:)
Kim
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Posted 23 April 2012 - 09:32 PM

View PostWolf Kier, on 20 April 2012 - 12:47 AM, said:

Hi Kimberly

This is my first post! Hopefully there....Great to have you here on the muse...welcome :P
I think I recognize your username from 50/90 and FAWM. Yes I have been on there...If I'm right, my memory isn't always the best, then nice to see you here as well. You too, and thanks!!
I enjoyed listening to your song. It was deeply heartfelt and captured a specific moment in one's life of love. Thank you very much!!

I understand from reading your replies above that there's not much you can do to make the arrangement richer given the program you're using, but I think you've captured the idea quite well using the process. And I'm all for making the absolute best of all resources available. And given the strong bones I'm pretty it would be a perfect song for a fully orchestrated production. Perfect song? not sure about that but I do wish I had the opportunity to do it as I hear it being done, maybe that chance will come , trying to be patient. :D

What you might consider and what you can change.
The vocal get a little "pitchy" when you sing "whispered" and "faith". I know, I am not a singer, hard to make it right, where is autotune when you need it? :lol:
With regards to lyrics, it's strong and paints a lovely picture, and the words would pack even more punch in a sumptuous organic production that allowed a little more expressiveness and interaction between the vocal and the arrangement.

You certainly are blessed to have so many wonderful suggestions to work with in a next iteration of the song, I don't know if my input helped any... other than to commend you on a job well done.

wolf.

Thanks Wolf and yes I am grateful for the almost 4 years of advice I have gotten here at the muse. It has helped me grow, I was greener than this back then if you can believe it. good to have you here, and thanks for stopping by and for your advice and kindness. :) -- Kimberly
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Posted 10 July 2012 - 01:37 PM

I am bumping this as we have now entered a revised version of the song, and would love comments on it, thanks
KimberlyinNC
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#25 User is offline   Ironknee Icon

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Posted 10 July 2012 - 01:56 PM

View Postkimberlyinnc, on 10 July 2012 - 08:37 AM, said:

I am bumping this as we have now entered a revised version of the song, and would love comments on it, thanks

Hi Kim..............great rythum.............
I actually wrote a long and laborious comment...but my computer decided it wanted to shut down and re-start it's self <_<

It's not my practice to re-direct anyones creative path.....and so I'm not too good at it....I'm much, much better working one on one or in a band setting.

But I will say that you have a pretty darn good song in the making!! B) -Tom
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Posted 10 July 2012 - 08:30 PM

View Postkimberlyinnc, on 07 April 2012 - 01:23 PM, said:

Hi guys,
I am still in the process of deciding what I need to change and tweak on this lyric but wanted to offer my idea of how I maybe hear the music.... :rolleyes:
I am NOT a singer, as anyone can tell and the music is done with a computer, but it can give an idea. :)

How is the melody and does the lyric make sense, does it leave you with questions and which ones? I am not asking for recording advice, as I know that is rough. I would LOVE once the lyric is "finished" for a lady singer to help me with this, if anyone is out there and could do it in an "adele-like" fashion... :)

Thanks guys

I have not posted much lately, life has gotten in the way of writing much.


EDIT JULY 10 2012. I am posting a revision of this. It is now a collaboration with ED Swartz lyrically and musically and with the addition of Colin Ward's guitar throughout. We may still get a female singer at some point with more piano in the song but would love your thoughts on what we have done so far, we did alter the lyrics, after posting it on SONGU and getting advice as on this site and Just Plain Folks.

Kim, I missed out on hearing this when you first posted it - Life was getting in MY way at that point - so I'm glad to have the chance to hear it at last.

Listened to both versions - you should sing more often! :)

I liked the lyric when you posted it originally, and you've done a very nice job with the revisions. I especially like the pre chorus - the imagery is very powerful, and the tweaks you made there smoothed it out very nicely. :) There is one place I prefer the original; I'd leave off the word "but" before "something inside me believes what you say."

I also really enjoyed the new arrangement. If you're still massaging the music at all, I'd consider having upward melodic movement up in the word "blood" in the pre chorus, so it would lead right into the chorus melody. (Starting the word "blood" on G and ending it on A, say.) That said, it sounds great just the way you have it now.

Really good job!

Regards,

Sharon



The Gatekeeper- NEW version of lyrics

When it came to love
and happily ever after
my cynical side stood in the way
When it came to trust
I was afraid to surrender
protecting the key that would open my hearts gate


Pre-chorus
like tiny shards of glass,
pain was scattered on my path
and every step I took forward drew blood


Chorus
'til you whispered a thousand "I love you's"
my defenses began to crumble and fall away
but your faith in me allowed me to let you in
and gain the key to my heart its gatekeeper


When it came to pain
I know it taught me lessons
though at times its hard to see which road to take
When it comes to you
I'm a hopeless romantic
but something inside me believes what you say

Pre-chorus
like tiny shards of glass,
pain was scattered on my path
and every step I took forward drew blood

Chorus 2
til you whispered a thousand I love yous
my defenses began to crumble and fall away
YES, your faith in me, allowed me to let you in
and gain the key to my heart, from its gatekeeper

(repeat with lift)
AND you whispered a thousand I love yous
my defenses began to crumble and fall away
YES, your faith in me, allowed me to let you in
and gain the key to my heart, from its gatekeeper

© Kimberly Hales Kime/Ed Swartz
-----------------------------------

OLD VERSION- if you want to compare my rough idea with "final" version.
http://soundclick.co...cfm?id=11549334
The Gatekeeper OLD LYRICS

When it came to love
and happily ever after
my cynical side stood in the way
When it came to trust
I was the cautious gatekeeper
guarding the key to my heart's gate


Pre-chorus
like tiny shards of glass,
pain was scattered on my path
every step forward
drew blood


Chorus
'til you whispered a thousand "I love you's"
and somehow paved the way
your faith in me allowed you to gain the key
to the heart of the gatekeeper


When it comes to pain
I know it teaches lessons
though it's hard to see which move to make
When it comes to you
I'm a hopeless romantic
something in me believes what you say



Pre-chorus
like tiny shards of glass,
pain was scattered on my path
every step forward
drew blood


Chorus
'til you whispered a thousand "I love you's"
and somehow paved the way
your faith in me allowed you to gain the key
to the heart of the gatekeeper


Tag
your faith in me, allowed you to gain the key
to the heart of the gatekeeper.
© Kimberly Hales Kime March 2012

"First we sing, then we understand." -- Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel

“Words make you think. Music makes you feel. A song makes you feel a thought.”
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#27 User is offline   Zeek Icon

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Posted 11 July 2012 - 12:19 PM

Kim, I hate to tell you this but I liked your version a billion times better. Where's the riff? That was as much a hook as anything in the song. That riff has to stay IMO. I love Colin's work so that was okay except for the lack of riff but the new singer sang it too low. Your singing was better.

I did like the lyrical rewrites and it did flow better and did like the attention to the chorus but w/o that riff it just lays there. I listened back and forth between versions. I think the pre works better in the new version ONLY because the riff IS NOT there. I'd use the riff on the verses only...but it's so important to the feel of the tune. BUT...the pre still sounded like the start of a chorus. I think it needs different chording there...maybe not so many chords.

The chorus was a bit better in the new version because of his phrasing. I liked his pause on 'whispered' and would have accented that further w/harmony.

I dunno, Kim. Now I've got you totally confused. You have to keep that riff in there but use it sparingly so we don't tire of it.

Zeek

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Posted 11 July 2012 - 12:20 PM

Kim, I hate to tell you this but I liked your version a billion times better. Where's the riff? That was as much a hook as anything in the song. That riff has to stay IMO. I love Colin's work so that was okay except for the lack of riff but the new singer sang it too low. Your singing was better.

I did like the lyrical rewrites and it did flow better and did like the attention to the chorus but w/o that riff it just lays there. I listened back and forth between versions. I think the pre works better in the new version ONLY because the riff IS NOT there. I'd use the riff on the verses only...but it's so important to the feel of the tune. BUT...the pre still sounded like the start of a chorus. I think it needs different chording there...maybe not so many chords.

The chorus was a bit better in the new version because of his phrasing. I liked his pause on 'whispered' and would have accented that further w/harmony.

I dunno, Kim. Now I've got you totally confused. You have to keep that riff in there but use it sparingly so we don't tire of it.

Zeek

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Posted 13 July 2012 - 08:52 AM

Bumping this...a little love for Kim please folks?

Zeek

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Posted 13 July 2012 - 11:22 AM

Kim,

I am bouncing around on all of these boards I am on, if I miss you, please just pm me or FB me to come listen, I'm a scatterbrain, I'm on four boards and FB and those

two kids of mine think they need attention all of the time....LOL!!


I don't want to be a bummer, but I really LOVED the opening of your original version, the music, your singing, it was so very pretty, it really drew me in.

I had trouble with the chorus in the original version, this is a bit better in the newer version.......I'm not a hundred percent convinced this version

is "better" than the original. I also think you better get a good singer or sing this yourself because words like "cynical" are hard to sing out emotionally.


It is a nice song Kim.

Tammy
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Posted 13 July 2012 - 02:46 PM

I'm having my lunch at my desk and listening to some songs. I like the revised version. Nice beat much improved lyrics. I think "cynical" is still a problem in both versions musically and lyrically. It's tough to sing and reads more like a term paper than a lyric. Careful or doubtful might read better. It's just me not being a fan of proper or formal speak.

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Posted 17 July 2012 - 12:13 PM

View PostIronknee, on 10 July 2012 - 02:56 PM, said:

View Postkimberlyinnc, on 10 July 2012 - 08:37 AM, said:

I am bumping this as we have now entered a revised version of the song, and would love comments on it, thanks

Hi Kim..............great rythum.............
I actually wrote a long and laborious comment...but my computer decided it wanted to shut down and re-start it's self <_<

It's not my practice to re-direct anyones creative path.....and so I'm not too good at it....I'm much, much better working one on one or in a band setting.

But I will say that you have a pretty darn good song in the making!! B) -Tom

Hi Tom, I am sorry it took me so long to respond to this, my computer was down...twice in a week....I am glad you enjoyed the song, we are still making a few changes here and there but good to know you liked it. Thanks for taking time to listen and comment on it buddy!!

Kimberly
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#33 User is offline   kimberlyinnc Icon

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Posted 17 July 2012 - 12:21 PM

View Postscubed, on 10 July 2012 - 09:30 PM, said:

View Postkimberlyinnc, on 07 April 2012 - 01:23 PM, said:

Hi guys,
I am still in the process of deciding what I need to change and tweak on this lyric but wanted to offer my idea of how I maybe hear the music.... :rolleyes:
I am NOT a singer, as anyone can tell and the music is done with a computer, but it can give an idea. :)

How is the melody and does the lyric make sense, does it leave you with questions and which ones? I am not asking for recording advice, as I know that is rough. I would LOVE once the lyric is "finished" for a lady singer to help me with this, if anyone is out there and could do it in an "adele-like" fashion... :)

Thanks guys

I have not posted much lately, life has gotten in the way of writing much.


EDIT JULY 10 2012. I am posting a revision of this. It is now a collaboration with ED Swartz lyrically and musically and with the addition of Colin Ward's guitar throughout. We may still get a female singer at some point with more piano in the song but would love your thoughts on what we have done so far, we did alter the lyrics, after posting it on SONGU and getting advice as on this site and Just Plain Folks.

Kim, I missed out on hearing this when you first posted it - Life was getting in MY way at that point - so I'm glad to have the chance to hear it at last.

Listened to both versions - you should sing more often! :) Oh you are too sweet...I wish I had more nerve to sing, that is part of my problem...not being sure of myself, I used to do so much better in school...lost my nerve as I grew older...

I liked the lyric when you posted it originally, and you've done a very nice job with the revisions. I especially like the pre chorus - the imagery is very powerful, and the tweaks you made there smoothed it out very nicely. :) There is one place I prefer the original; I'd leave off the word "but" before "something inside me believes what you say."

I also really enjoyed the new arrangement. If you're still massaging the music at all, I'd consider having upward melodic movement up in the word "blood" in the pre chorus, so it would lead right into the chorus melody. (Starting the word "blood" on G and ending it on A, say.) That said, it sounds great just the way you have it now.

Really good job!

Regards,

Sharon


Thanks for your advice on this, I am sorry it took me a while to respond, computer was broken...I appreciate your commenting and your friendliness. :) Kim
The Gatekeeper- NEW version of lyrics

When it came to love
and happily ever after
my cynical side stood in the way
When it came to trust
I was afraid to surrender
protecting the key that would open my hearts gate


Pre-chorus
like tiny shards of glass,
pain was scattered on my path
and every step I took forward drew blood


Chorus
'til you whispered a thousand "I love you's"
my defenses began to crumble and fall away
but your faith in me allowed me to let you in
and gain the key to my heart its gatekeeper


When it came to pain
I know it taught me lessons
though at times its hard to see which road to take
When it comes to you
I'm a hopeless romantic
but something inside me believes what you say

Pre-chorus
like tiny shards of glass,
pain was scattered on my path
and every step I took forward drew blood

Chorus 2
til you whispered a thousand I love yous
my defenses began to crumble and fall away
YES, your faith in me, allowed me to let you in
and gain the key to my heart, from its gatekeeper

(repeat with lift)
AND you whispered a thousand I love yous
my defenses began to crumble and fall away
YES, your faith in me, allowed me to let you in
and gain the key to my heart, from its gatekeeper

© Kimberly Hales Kime/Ed Swartz
-----------------------------------

OLD VERSION- if you want to compare my rough idea with "final" version.
http://soundclick.co...cfm?id=11549334
The Gatekeeper OLD LYRICS

When it came to love
and happily ever after
my cynical side stood in the way
When it came to trust
I was the cautious gatekeeper
guarding the key to my heart's gate


Pre-chorus
like tiny shards of glass,
pain was scattered on my path
every step forward
drew blood


Chorus
'til you whispered a thousand "I love you's"
and somehow paved the way
your faith in me allowed you to gain the key
to the heart of the gatekeeper


When it comes to pain
I know it teaches lessons
though it's hard to see which move to make
When it comes to you
I'm a hopeless romantic
something in me believes what you say



Pre-chorus
like tiny shards of glass,
pain was scattered on my path
every step forward
drew blood


Chorus
'til you whispered a thousand "I love you's"
and somehow paved the way
your faith in me allowed you to gain the key
to the heart of the gatekeeper


Tag
your faith in me, allowed you to gain the key
to the heart of the gatekeeper.
© Kimberly Hales Kime March 2012



responses are in red bold--above
KimberlyinNC
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Posted 17 July 2012 - 12:28 PM

View PostZeek, on 11 July 2012 - 01:19 PM, said:

Kim, I hate to tell you this but I liked your version a billion times better. Do you mean the music style? surely not my vocals, as they were rough as all get out and not even trying much on them... Where's the riff? That was as much a hook as anything in the song. That riff has to stay IMO. I love Colin's work so that was okay except for the lack of riff but the new singer sang it too low. Your singing was better. It was a combo of Colin's work with Ed doing the main part, as I understand..we do plan to do it with a piano soon, is that the riff you are speaking of? I am not sure I agree about the singing of Ed's being too low. We are hoping to get a girl he knows sing this once we get all the kinks out, she has a vocal in the same mindset as Miley Cyrus and we were hoping to do music somewhat in the same spirit as the Climb and maybe alittle Adele thrown in..hehe...and.. I am not understanding exactly what you mean by it--about the riff..remember I am not a musician...;-) and ps..sorry for the late response, my computer was down and thank you so much for asking others to comment, you were sweet to do that.

I did like the lyrical rewrites and it did flow better and did like the attention to the chorus but w/o that riff it just lays there. I listened back and forth between versions. I think the pre works better in the new version ONLY because the riff IS NOT there. I'd use the riff on the verses only...but it's so important to the feel of the tune. BUT...the pre still sounded like the start of a chorus. I think it needs different chording there...maybe not so many chords.

The chorus was a bit better in the new version because of his phrasing. I liked his pause on 'whispered' and would have accented that further w/harmony.

I dunno, Kim. Now I've got you totally confused. You have to keep that riff in there but use it sparingly so we don't tire of it.

Zeek


If only I understood fully what you meant by riff, is it a riff in my voice or musically? sorry to be so dumb when it comes to these things, I am trying to learn.:) thanks...Kim

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Posted 17 July 2012 - 12:31 PM

View Postkimberlyinnc, on 17 July 2012 - 01:28 PM, said:

View PostZeek, on 11 July 2012 - 01:19 PM, said:

Kim, I hate to tell you this but I liked your version a billion times better. Do you mean the music style? surely not my vocals, as they were rough as all get out and not even trying much on them...

I DID LIKE THE "FEEL" OF YOUR VOCAL BETTER.

Where's the riff? That was as much a hook as anything in the song. That riff has to stay IMO. I love Colin's work so that was okay except for the lack of riff but the new singer sang it too low. Your singing was better. It was a combo of Colin's work with Ed doing the main part, as I understand..we do plan to do it with a piano soon, is that the riff you are speaking of? I am not sure I agree about the singing of Ed's being too low. We are hoping to get a girl he knows sing this once we get all the kinks out, she has a vocal in the same mindset as Miley Cyrus and we were hoping to do music somewhat in the same spirit as the Climb and maybe alittle Adele thrown in..hehe...and.. I am not understanding exactly what you mean by it--about the riff..remember I am not a musician...;-) and ps..sorry for the late response, my computer was down and thank you so much for asking others to comment, you were sweet to do that.

THAT REPEATING MUSICAL PROGRAMMED GUITAR-LIKE RIFF.

I did like the lyrical rewrites and it did flow better and did like the attention to the chorus but w/o that riff it just lays there. I listened back and forth between versions. I think the pre works better in the new version ONLY because the riff IS NOT there. I'd use the riff on the verses only...but it's so important to the feel of the tune. BUT...the pre still sounded like the start of a chorus. I think it needs different chording there...maybe not so many chords.

The chorus was a bit better in the new version because of his phrasing. I liked his pause on 'whispered' and would have accented that further w/harmony.

I dunno, Kim. Now I've got you totally confused. You have to keep that riff in there but use it sparingly so we don't tire of it.

Zeek


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Posted 17 July 2012 - 12:36 PM

View PostTamsNumber4, on 13 July 2012 - 12:22 PM, said:

Kim,

I am bouncing around on all of these boards I am on, if I miss you, please just pm me or FB me to come listen, I'm a scatterbrain, I'm on four boards and FB and those

two kids of mine think they need attention all of the time....LOL!! Oh Girl, I understand, I raised two boys...no problem


I don't want to be a bummer, but I really LOVED the opening of your original version, the music, your singing, it was so very pretty, it really drew me in. thanks.

I had trouble with the chorus in the original version, this is a bit better in the newer version.......I'm not a hundred percent convinced this version

is "better" than the original. I also think you better get a good singer or sing this yourself because words like "cynical" are hard to sing out emotionally.


It is a nice song Kim.

Tammy


I appreciate you listening and offering advice/comments...I am sorry I am late to respond, but my computer broke twice in one week, after having a death in our family so July has been a hard month so far, hoping the last of it will be better...thanks again

Kim

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Posted 17 July 2012 - 01:05 PM

View Postbernabby, on 13 July 2012 - 03:46 PM, said:

I'm having my lunch at my desk and listening to some songs. I like the revised version. Nice beat much improved lyrics. I think "cynical" is still a problem in both versions musically and lyrically. It's tough to sing and reads more like a term paper than a lyric. Careful or doubtful might read better. It's just me not being a fan of proper or formal speak.

HI Bernabby, thanks for stopping by and listening on your lunch break! I am sorry it took me a while to respond, computer problems...
I am glad you liked the revised version. I kinda like the word cynical. One of my favorite singers, Mary Chapin Carpenter used the word cynicism in one of her songs, and I always dug it, I suppose we all have our likes and dis-likes but I do appreciate you listening and commenting!!! Have a great day

Kim
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Posted 23 August 2012 - 11:21 PM

Well guys, this will be the final time I bump this one. After months of class reviews, reviews on this site as well as on Just Plain folks, this is what we came up with. My first rough draft is on there to compare the beginning to end...

Thanks so much for all of your advice and help. The lyrics have changed many times, and we still plan to do a piano version of this perhaps with a female singer...
I promise to come back tomorrow and critique some, I am on my last leg tonight :blink:
Kim
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